Torn

This story is about a girl named Amanda
that suffers from depression. It's worsening, and she's starting to think about ending her life. Then, one day, she meets Niall in NYC, and things begin to change. He makes her see the world in another way, and teaches her to be herself. But, what Niall doesn't know, is that deep inside, her depression is growing... will Amanda turn out ok in the end?

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5. Nothings Fine I'm Torn

2:30 A.M. I couldn't sleep. I was thinking too much again.

I was curled up against the wall on ledge, looking out the window. The room was lit by the moonlight, and the sky seemed it was a deep purple. I was crying, thinking about my parents, thinking about the razor, thinking about the scars on my body. There was no way to hide my scars, since I didn't have a long sleeve shirt.

" I have to be careful to not let Niall see my scars." I huffed under my breath.

I cried and cried, hoping that Niall wouldn't hear me. All of a sudden, I heard someone walking towards my room. Quickly, I wiped my eyes, and pretended to just be looking out the window, like everything was fine. All of a sudden, Niall walked into my room.

"Amanda, are you okay? I thought I heard crying." Niall said concerningly.

"no no, Niall, I'm fine." I said quickly, trying not to sound like I was balling my eyes out.

Niall came over and sat next to me on the ledge. I looked down, not wanting to make eye contact.

"Are you sure, you sound kind of choked up. I wouldn't want you to be crying." he said. I sensed he was a little bit worried.

"don't worry Niall, I'm...I'm fine." I said, trying to convince him that I was perfectly fine. It must have not worked very well, because he lifted my chin up with his hand. He tried to make eye contact with me, but I refused to look at him.

"Amanda, look at me." he demanded.

"No. I don't want to." I replied.

"Why not?" he answered.

I didn't have the words to reply. I looked up at him. He saw my eyes were puffy and red. A tear streamed down my face.

"Amanda, please don't cry. It makes me so sad to watch you cry." he said as he wiped the tear from my cheek.

I blinked, and another tear fell. Niall wiped that tear away also, and then took both of my hands.

He looked me in the eye, and whispered,"Your too beautiful to be crying."

I softly smiled, but then it faded quickly. My tears slowly stopped falling from my sad eyes.

Softly, Niall asked,"Love...why were you crying in the first place?"

I didn't say anything. I looked down in the direction of the ground, noticing the cuts on my wrist. Niall must have noticed too, because he gasped, and whipered "oh my god." Niall started crying, and looked at me in the eyes.

"Amanda, please don't do this to yourself. Your too beautiful to be doing this. There's no reason to do that to yourself. Please. It's so sad just thinking about why you would do that to yourself. Please, don't do that ever again." he forced out, tears filling in his eyes.

My eyes starting to become blurry, I squeezed his hands tightly. "I promise." I said.

"Thank you Amanda." he said with a thankful look in his eyes.

He wiped one last tear from my eyes.

"You should probably go to sleep, I mean, it is 4:00 in the morning." he suggested.

I agreed. He picked me up and placed me on my bed.

"Goodnight." he whispered in a loving voice.

"Goodnight Niall." I answered.

As he walked out the door, I thought I heard him mumble " I love you", but I was hallucinating... He couldn't possibly say that. I was tired, and out of things to cry over. I closed my eyes, and went to sleep.
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