I was supposed to be perfect ***COMPLETED***

My life was perfect, I had everything. A gorgeous boyfriend, a very sweet bff.

This is the story about how Valentinas life changed in a week, how she handles it and how she gets over it!

(A/N This story, IS written by me, but i originally posted it on Wattpad)

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4. Wednesday - Chapter 3

 

I bought a new computer... YAY!!! 

It's dedicated to elizax3 because she made the new cover, and I think it's amazing!! Anybody watching the Olympics if you are then what are you watching and who are you rooting for? Denmark is out of the handball tournamnt.... Buhhhh....

Enjoy!! - Frejzze xx

Wednesday

I woke up a lot of times that night, after nightmares or nightmare, the same one on replay all night. Every time I woke up, I would fall asleep again and the nightmare would start again, it was horrible.

At the beginning I would be standing in an almost completly dark room. All the people i knew would be standing in it then the would form a circle around me, then they would whisper things like ''It's your fault'', ''You killed her'' and ''She only took that plane to get home to you'', but the worst ''It should've been you'', ''You are worthless, a no good, waste of space'' and ''You don't deserve to live''. The saddest thing though was that i believed them. I would wake up drenched in my sweat and tears. Yes I cried in my sleep, but i bet you would to.

At 03:00 in the morning I left my bed, to go down to the kitchen. I took a knife out of one of the drawers. No i am not going to kil myself,  yes i am sure i'm not going to kill myself, convinced? No, okay i swear by the love of god i am not going to kill myself today. Believe me now? Well you better.

So i took out a very small knife around 3½ cm (Cetimeters) it was small yes, but sharp, very sharp. So i went to the bathroom, put the knife to my wrists, and cut. I put enough pressure on the knife so that i could see the blood starting to flow. I cut twice on each arm, so my arms were practically covered in my own blood. I never had a problem with blood, so it didn't bother me. The pain echoed thrugh my entire body, it felt good. When the blod stopped flowing, i took a shower. When the water reached the floor tiles, it turned pink, mixing with my blood. To see this, it somehow gave me a satisfiing feeling. I might sound insane to you, but this became routine or ''normal'' behavior for me. The worst was nobody ever noticed it, they never asked if i was okay when i was sad, never asked what was bothering me if i was angry. No matter which emotion i showed no one cared or noticed. ON WITH THE STORY...

When i got out of the shower i got dressed (A/N Out fit in external link, if you wanna know how she dresses), I got to school, driven by my private driver. When i got to school everyone was looking at me, with pity written all over their faces, if there is one thing i cant take it's pity, the words ''I'm sorry'' irretates me so much it's not even funny. The worst one is and will always be ''I can only imagine how you feel'', but when you ask if they ever lost their mother, the only person they felt like they could talk to, they answer no. That means they can't imagine it, they have never been through it, so they don't know anything about how you feel. 

Every, single student and teacher talked to me today, but no matter how hard i tried i couldn't answer them. I tried i really did, but i wouldn't make any noise, people got worried, so they sent me too the school nurse. She could't find anything wrong with my vocalchords. So i couldn't be fysical mute, it had to be phsycolocical, so now i have to see a shrink, three times  a week, Thursday, Sunday and Monday. Secrets spread fast around here, so now everybody knew that i was phscolotically ill, but at this school it turned into ''The insane mute girl'' the only two people who would still be with me, since everybody ignored me now, like they were scared it was contagius, was Marissa and Will. 

The school nurse gave me a notebook, so that i could somehow comunicate with other people and answer questions in class. That didn't help the ''People avoiding me'' situation. School passed really quikly and so did detention.

It hit me and it hit me hard that i was now an outcast at our school, that the people that looked up to me before, they looked down at me now. When i realised that i also realised that my social life would now be over, i laught but no sound came.

When i went to get my stuff at my locker i saw Marissa making out with some guy, i didn't put anything to it, it happens a lot, but then i looked closer at the guy, it was Will, my Will. I knocked one of lockers hard, causing them to look up. 

When they saw it was me Will started to say ''I was a mistake, it meant nothing...''  I just turned around and made my way back to my house i entered my room just as the tears started to flow. 

I cried myself to sleep that night, not eating dinner, i hadn't eaten all day. 

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