"Farewell Cruel World"

The world is cruel.
There's loneliness and sadness. Love makes you pay back the happiness it gave you, by giving in sorrow.
I might carry a feather but it would feel like I'm carrying a ton rock.


38. 38 the end

It's all over now... 

One more Friday,

And it's all over.

Right in the end

I will have to build up all my courage 

And all the things that have made be stronger this year 

I will have to stand up straight and get that diploma and, then...

Leave everything behind


The end, 

Is the test. 

To prove or show if I have learned enough for now


But, I say 

How can I show my strongness by the end of a week?

When, my hearts' wounds are still new and fresh and keep on bleeding more everyday?

Well, I'll have to put on a mask

Like I have been all these months...

A mask on my face,

A fake grin,

Then move on and and never look back 

That's the only way to... live


In order to grow up, you need to let the one's you love slip away from your fingers

Because, that causes pain

And you need to experience pain in order to grow up

Now, you say that you don't want to grow up

That's some good sense there, then

But, we just do grow up

Were not in Never Land

Even if we pray a trillion times that we were

Even if we beg and beg to God and sacrifice everything.


So was it worth it?

I ask you 

Was all of it worth it? 

You have made me so emotional that I can not even bare to listen to a song with any words in it

They suck me back into my dark whole 

Even if were listening to it in class

I try to put on the mask, though 


Was it worth, you guys?

The bullying

Everything connected to bullying

Causing dramas, rumors, talking behind me all the time 

However what's funny is you guys made me feel like I was famous in the school

I was the new girl and the one that got bullied

Don't you guys have anything else to care about instead of watching every move I make?

Was it worth it?

Someone will ask you one day,

And I hope you have an answer by then.

Was it worth it?


I hope you'll understand one day, one day...


You guys said 'She thinks she's a goody-goody for everyone.' 

No, that's what you guys forced me to be.

Turning back on someone and giving them the strongest of me every time 

I did it and I did it, over and over again

I did have some breaks in the middle of the year though

But, those thoughts about me on the heads of people were still there.

I pissed them off, or I think I did...

And now I am wrecked out and, so tired and, feeling so old. 


But, sometimes I say 

'I wont even remember this year in ten years." 

I also know that time heals everything 

So these pains will be healed 

And sadly, new one's will come

And each time they will be harder

Getting me ready for the next step of heart hurt, again

Until, I give up and fall down



The tears in my face,

They feel very dirty on my cheeks. 

38, and I will give it an end for forever.


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