Sick Little Games


22. Christmas

It’s been 2 weeks since the dramatic events at the club and the night I spent with Harry. After alot of homework and several exams, we all surprisingly managed to make it out alive and it was now the holidays break. Finally, it seemed like everything was back to normal. I was hanging out with the boys again since Louis finally got over the fact that I lied and well, Harry was still ignoring me since we slept together but still, it felt like it always did before, we ignored each other. But still, it felt normal again. No more lies, no more drama, just the way it used to be. Well, even though it felt like that, it really wasn’t. It was fine with the others but for Harry and I… It would just never be the same way ever again. After everything we’ve been through, it could never possibly just go away like that but we kept pretending that nothing was going on by ignoring each other and so far, it was working perfectly for me because I was tired of the useless drama. I knew I was hurting him, I knew that everything I did was wrong and trust me, I was hurting for that too but it was just better like that. Maybe he’ll eventually just forget about me and find himself a nice girl that won’t break his heart everytime she opens her mouth.

It was Christmas Eve and I was at Niall’s since my mom had to work that night. I had planned to stay home and watch Home Alone by myself but as soon as Louis and Niall heard I would be alone on Christmas Eve, I was forced to join the festivies. Niall’s family was obviously there, Louis and his family, Harry and his too and even a couple of Niall’s relatives from Ireland were there. The house was packed with people and it truly felt like a holiday. We never had that at home. Even when my dad was still around, we would always just stay the 3 of us, infront of the tv and eating. The only good part was when I got to open my many presents but still, it wasn’t a warm and hearty night like with Niall’s family. Everyone was upstairs getting the food ready, talking and dancing but before dinner, Harry, Louis, Niall and I were all hiding in the basement. I thought Liam and Zayn would join us eventually but Zayn was in Bradford with his family for the rest of the holidays and Liam was with Tatum at her place with her family tonight. I was kinda bummed that they weren’t coming but I couldn’t do anything about it. Me and the lads were just casually talking and watching tv while we were all waiting to go eat upstairs. We also had the brilliant idea of ‘stealing’ a couple of beers from the fridge upstairs and for me, a bottle of fancy champagne. As I poured myself another glass of champagne, Niall suddenly cleared his throat.

“Look, I just wanna say that I’m really happy everything is back to normal. I’m glad we’re all friends again. ” His thick irish accent made me smile. I knew he was mainly talking about Harry and I, not them. He was probably also referring to that time where Harry got mad at him because of me but oh well, now it was all good.

“To friendship!!! ” Louis screamed dramatically, raising his beer in the air. We all laughed and Niall did the same. Same for me and my glass of champagne. Harry looked hesitant for a second but he eventually just raised his bottle too.

“Yeah… Just friends. ” Harry whispered, while staring at me intently. The boys and I just pretended that we didn’t hear him but it was now definitely awkward. I finished my glass in one big gulp and smiled, like everything was okay. Nobody was talking, the boys were drinking their beers silently and I just wanted to die. As much as I loved Harry, I was mad at him in that moment for making things so uncomfortable when for once, everything was going so well.

Niall’s mom finally save us from this terrible awkward situation by screaming at us to come upstairs since the food would be served really soon. Like a bunch of 5 years old, we all ran to the stairs. It’s when everyone sat down at the table that I realized how out of place I felt. Everyone was here with their family members and I was all alone because as usual, my mother chose her work over spending quality time with me. The thought of my mother reminded me of my dad and… When he visited us 2 weeks ago. I gulped harshly at the thought of the conversation we had. It was going to be really hard to tell the boys… I faked my best smile for the rest of the meal and just joined in with everyone when someone was laughing or whatever. When I was done and everyone left the table, I felt like I was going to pass out so I went outside to breathe a little. I forgot to put on my coat and it was really cold but I didn’t care because it was snowing and it was completely beautiful. I smiled at the lovely scenery infront of my eyes. Niall’s yard was covered in just enough snow. It was so pretty. I heard the door and a couple footsteps behind me, I didn’t bother to turn around, I had a feeling that it would be one of the boys.

“Oi, it’s freezing! What are ya doing back there? ” Niall said, jumping around like an idiot. His childish behaviors made me laugh a little until the second that my conversation with my parents crept up in the back of my mind again.

“Ok, spill! What’s on your mind now!? ” Niall laughed, nudging my arm with his elbow. I bit my bottom lip, questioning if it would be a good idea to tell someone or not. I know I would have to eventually but I could always wait…

“You know you can tell me anything, Skye… I’m good at keeping secrets. ” Niall wiggled his eyebrows. I remembered that moment at the club when he learned I loved Harry. He promised me he wouldn’t tell him and I believed him. I know I could trust Niall, I always will.

“Can I tell you another secret then..? ” I muttered with a sad smile on my face. Maybe I shouldn’t have told him that night but I just needed to tell someone. I just had to.

“Please don’t tell me you’re pregnant! ” He laughed so loudly that the whole neighborhood probably heard him. I slapped his chest with the back of my hand but I couldn’t help myself anymore so I just laughed along with him. When we finally stopped laughing and started breathing regularly again. He looked at me, waiting for me to tell him the real secret.

“I’m leaving. ” I breathed.

“ Already? But it’s not even midnight yet! ” He smiled innocently, he was clearly not understanding what I meant by leaving.

“I’m leaving, Niall. As in… My dad is moving to America in January and… I’m going with him. ” I said as I looked down at my boots covered in snow. We both stayed silent for a minute or two. I was waiting for him to say something.

“But… Why? I thought you were upset with your dad and all? ” Niall said, the confusion clear in his tone. I looked up to meet his beautiful big blue eyes and I slowly took a deep breath.

“I was but… I realized that I don’t want to spend the rest of my life being a mad at him and… I just really need this. I want to start over and… I think it’s going to be good for me. ” I whispered just loudly enough for Niall to hear. He suddenly grabbed my shoulders and pulled me into a tight hug.

“I’m gonna miss you alot, Skye. ” Great. His last words almost made me cry and now wasn’t the time for me to ruin my makeup and look like a bloody raccoon when I go back inside. I muttered ‘I’ll miss you too’ on a really low voice just as he released me from his tight embrace.

“So, where you going!? ” He asked curiously.

“My dad needs to move to California because of his company, so yeah… California, it is. ” I smiled a little, a real smile this time.

“I’m really gonna miss you, you know? And since you’re leaving so soon… I should tell you this… ” He said on a dramatic tone, like he was about to tell me the most important secret information on this planet.

“ If it wasn’t for Harry being crazy over you since we were kids, I would have tried to get my way with you… ” He said, his cheeks turning all pink. I gasped and giggled like an idiot. I always knew that Niall and I could have been something but he never told me that he thought about me in that way that much.

“Well, I am flattered and you know… If I… ” My words just trailed off at the end. It’s like it was impossible for me to say it outloud.

“If you were not soooooo in love with Styles, I’d be your first choice? ” Niall smirked, he showed no jealousy or disappointment. I smiled a little and nodded.

“No worries. I get it. You two are like magnets, you’ll find your way back to him someday. I just know it. ” He winked at me and started to walk back inside. I was deeply touched by his last words that for a moment or two, I was speechless. So, was that how the others saw us? Two people that will always find their way back to each other? He was just about to open the door when I turned around and ran to him.

“You can’t tell the lads about California. I’ll tell them… eventually. ” I screeched, holding on to Niall’s arm like my dear life was depending on it.

“Don’t worry… I won’t tell them. ” I let out a sigh of relief as we walked back inside. We were both taking off our shoes when Niall’s dad starting laughing really loudly.

“ Oi, son, you’ll have to kiss your little friend here! ” My head snapped in the direction of Niall’s dad and then, Niall and I both looked up. The mistletoe. Oh, bloody hell. I laughed nervously as I searched for Louis in the crowd of people in the kitchen. Unfortunately for me, my eyes met Harry’s and he looked more sad than ever. I turned to Niall really slowly, giving him a ‘what the fuck are we going to do!?’ look but everyone kept cheering us to kiss. Oh dear god, why do you hate me that much?

I groaned in annoyance and grabbed Niall’s chin and pulled him into a quick but long enough kiss. No tongue, nothing too alarming, just a simple kiss. Everyone started laughing and clapping but I just felt like shooting myself in the face.

“Harry’s gonna kill me. ” Niall muttered.

“Oh god, I know. ” I desperately whined as I quickly made my way out of the kitchen, dragging Niall along with me. We made our way downstairs in the basement again only to find Louis sitting on the sofa, eatching small sandwiches.

“What’s up? ” He lazily asked.

“Nothing! ” Niall and I both exclamed at the same time. Louis looked at us like we were both mental but he eventually just turned back to the tv. Someone suddenly walked downstairs and of course, it was a very pissed off Harry. He was walking to the bathroom, his face showing no emotions at all. Niall jumped on the sofa, he wanted to avoid having this conversation with Harry and I couldn’t blame him. I followed Harry and just before he could close the door, I grabbed his arm and spun him around.

“Please, tell me you’re not mad about this. It meant nothing! ” I said quickly, my hands shaking a little.

“I’m not mad. I don’t care anymore. I chased you long enough. ” His words hit me like a ton of bricks. He pushed my hand away and slammed the bathroom door inches away my face. I hold back my tears as I joined Niall and Louis on the couch. This was what I wanted. I wanted him to be mad enough to forget about me and move on but… It was hurting me more than I could ever imagine. Well, merry fucking christmas, Skye.

- -

“So… California, huh? ” Liam said with a sad smile on his face. I just sighed and forced a smile. I was with Niall, Zayn, Liam and Louis at Tatum’s cabin for New Years. Her parents were kind enough to let her throw a little ‘get-together’ for the occasion and well, there was approximatively 30 people and it was alot of fun but… Not for me. I had just told the boys about the fact that I was leaving 2 weeks after New Years and I felt more sad than anything else really. I’m not going to lie, I was mainly upset that night because Harry was nowhere to be seen. It was almost midnight and he was still not here. I just felt bad that he wasn’t there because I wanted to tell him… I was dead scared to tell him but I knew I had to do it eventually. I was sitting at the kitchen table with the boys and while Zayn and Liam took the news pretty well, Louis looked devastated. I knew he’d be the one to take it the hardest. He was so dramatic about everything and he was my closest friend after all. I was about to open my mouth to talk when Louis just suddenly stood up and left the table without saying anything. He was mad at me, I get it but… Did he have to be like this? I quickly said my apologies to the boys, put on my coat and quickly followed Louis outside. Everyone was outside already, a couple lads from school who were a the party organized fireworks for midnight so everyone was already really excited about that. The cabin was near a massive lake and the stars were shining like never before. It was a beautiful night but I couldn’t bring myself to be happy. I simply couldn’t. I finally spotted Louis, just standing near the lake. His hands burried in his pockets, looking at the ground. He sighed very loudly as I joined him.

“Please don’t be mad… ” I said, looking at him with hope in my eyes. I really didn’t want to leave knowing that Louis was mad at me.

“Alright, just tell me one thing, why are you really doing this? ” He said loudly, turning to me, his face more serious than ever. I took a deep breath and gathered all the little courage I had in me to explain to him why I was leaving.

“I just want to make things right with my father, Lou. I think I really need this… I need to get away and… I think it’s going to be good for me. ” I shakily said. Louis laughed a little. It sounded like he wasn’t entirely believing me.

“ Are you sure about that..? To me, it just looks like you’re running away from a certain someone. ” I froze. Yes, one of the reasons I was eager to leave was to start over but also… I had to get away from him. I was bad for him. All I did was to hurt him again and again… I just knew it would be better for everyone if I was gone.

“I really don’t want to talk about him… ” I breathed, looking down at my feet.

“And what about me in all of this? Don’t you care at all about how I feel that my best friend’s leaving the fucking country!? ” Louis screamed.

“Don’t be like this! Please! You know I care about you! You’re probably the person I’ll miss the most, alright!? ” I said with evident emotion in my voice. Louis rolled his eyes and finally cracked a beautiful smile. He pulled me into a tight hug and just being in his arms for awhile felt so right. I was going to miss him so much but… I had to start over. I really wanted to start a new life with new friends and just, new beginnings. It would be the best for me and everyone else. Especially for Harry… I wanted him to forget about me and leaving was just perfect for that.

5 minutes before midnight. Everyone was outside. Everyone was excited and gushing with joy. Liam and Tatum were on the balcony, holding hands and being completely adorable. Niall and Louis were jumping around and screaming about how excited they were for the fireworks. Zayn was busy making out with a random girl from school, he didn’t seem to be bothered about the fireworks at all. And there I was, all alone. It’s not like I didn’t deserve it. I did so many terrible things that got me where I am now. The only person to blame here was myself.

4 guys from school started lighting up some things on the ground near the lake and suddenly, it was time. Everyone started chanting the usual ‘10…9…8…7…’ and well, you know how it works. The first fireworks exploded in the sky as everyone all screamed together ‘Happy new year!!!’ I smiled widely even though I felt completely empty inside. Everyone was now hugging or kissing each other. It was hilarious to witness such things. I looked around and found Louis who was trying to kiss Niall but this one kept trying to push him away, screaming in laughter. And then, my eyes fell on… Harry. I assumed he just got here or he has been very good at playing hide and seek all night. I hesitated for awhile. Should I go up to him? I mean… Should I tell him now? So many questions were going through my head, I didn’t even know what to do anymore. I took a long deep breath and walked up to him. I noticed he tensed up the second he saw me. Wow. This was going to be great. I was just steps away from him but I stopped walking. I didn’t want to invade his personal space since he seemed so unhappy to see me.

“Happy new year! ” I tried my best to sound happy but I majorly failed. He forced smile and walked past me. I groaned very loudly at his behavior, I turned around and jumped infront of him before he could go any further.

“Wait… Just… Hear me out for one second! ” I screeched, desperate for him to listen to what I had to say even though he seemed annoyed to the highest level. He slightly nodded so I took all the courage I had in me and spilled everything.

“Look, I’m sorry. I really am sorry for everything. I used you and I took advantage of your feelings and… I fucked everything up. But please, you really need to believe me when I tell you that I’m truly sorry about everything. ” He looked hesitant for a second or two. I wasn’t quite able to read what was going on inside that beautiful head of his.

“Alright, apologies accepted… Anything else you wanna say to me? ” He said just when I thought all hope was lost forever. But now it was him, he looked at me with those pleading eyes… He was pratically begging me with his eyes. I know what he wanted to hear but the thing is… All I could think about was the fact that he was the only one left of the boys who didn’t know about California… He wanted me to say ‘I love you’ but instead I should really just say ‘I’m leaving the country in 2 weeks’ but in that moment, none of these options were okay for me to say.

“No. That’s all I wanted you to know… ” I mumbled, my eyes full of tears. He looked down for a moment while muttering ‘Yeah… right.’ but he finally looked up to meet my eyes again. I knew I should have told him I was leaving but I couldn’t… With him, it was different. I loved him so much. I didn’t want to hurt him once again. A sad smile on my face, I was fighting back my tears hoping he wouldn’t notice. He suddenly leaned in and whispered in my ear:

“Happy new year, Skye. ” He kissed my cheek and smiled a little before walking away from me. I just stood there. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I felt so empty. I felt so empty without him by my side. In that very moment, I finally understood that no matter where I would run to, I’d probably never get over the boy who stole my heart without even asking first.

- -

Tomorrow was the big day. I was leaving my dear country to go live in America with my dad and his girlfriend. I was almost done packing. Everything was alright with school since my mom called the week before. I told the boys about it but nobody else knew. They were my only real close friends and it’s all that mattered to me… Well, they all knew except Harry… I couldn’t bring myself to tell him at New Years and I haven’t seen him since that night so… He still didn’t know that I was leaving. I still didn’t know if I should go up to him and tell him… We shared such a weird relationship now. I didn’t know where to stand with him. Everything was just so bloody complicated that I didn’t even know what to do anymore. I was folding my clothes in my big suitcase when a light knock on my bedroom door brought me back to reality. I turned around and smiled at the sight of my best friend Louis, even though, he didn’t look too thrilled on his part.

“So… You’re really doing it, huh..? ” Louis mumbled, his hands burried in his pockets. I knew he thought I was making a huge mistake but I was still the one making the decisions here. I wish Louis could just understand why I was doing this.

“Yes, I am. ” I said, trying to sound cheerful and turned back to my suitcase on my bed.

“Please change your mind. Please stay. ” Louis choked out. I knew how emotional he was about this situation so this is why I didn’t bother to turn around again, I knew I’d start crying.

“Louis, please don’t… ” I whispered, still folding my clothes and putting them nicely in my suitcase.

“If it’s not for me… Please, just stay for Harry’s sake. ” I tensed up the second he pronounced his name. My heart started beating so fast that I was afraid Louis could even hear it.

“He’s gonna be a fucking mess and… so do I. ” It took everything I had in me not to start crying right there. Thank god my back was turned to him. I was glad he didn’t have to see me struggle to fight back the tears. Silence fell upon us, it took me a couple of seconds to put myself together but when I finally did, I turned around to finally face Louis.

“I need to leave, Louis. It’s not because of you because if I could I’d bring you with me you know that but… ” I smiled even though I was close to tears.

“But I need to get away… I just need it. ” I breathed, holding his gaze. Trying for once in my life to be actually brave and be honest about something.

“But why!? I know you fucking care about him! You’re going to finish him, Skye! Don’t leave! ” Louis screamed, his loud and angry voice making me jump.

“All I’ve been doing, everything… I just keep hurting him and… I’m leaving because it’s going to be best for us if I just leave… ” Louis scoffed and stepped closer to me.

“How could that be better!? Please, enlighten me! ” Louis said loudly with a huge sarcastic smile on his face. His smile and his attitude are what pissed me off the most in that very moment.

“Because I love him! I love him so much and I want what’s best for him! And I’m not… I’ll never be. ” I screamed, tears rolling down my cheeks. Louis turned from being angry to horribly sad in a matter of seconds.

“I knew that somewhere underneath all of that bitchy attitude there was a heart and actual feelings… ” Louis chuckled. I tried my best to keep a straight face but ended up laughing along with him.

“So, you’re not changing your mind..? ” Louis asked me, a glimpse of hope in his eyes.

“No, I’m leaving. It’s what I want. ” I sighed and forced a small smile. I wiped my tears away and pulled Louis into a tight hug. It felt weird to know that it would be the last time for awhile that I would be in his arms. I grew up with him by my side… Surely, the next couple of weeks will be very hard for me without him. I pulled away from him slowly, wishing I could just stay with him for the rest of the day. Louis was honestly like the big brother I never had.

“Be careful over there, alright!? Americans are crazy! ” Louis laughed, his eyes full of tears.

“I will, I will! But… you have to promise me something… ” I bit my bottom lip, fighting back my tears once again.

“Anything for you, Skye Isaacs! ” Louis dramatically exclamed, which made me laugh really loudly.

“Make sure Harry finds himself a nice girl, alright? ” I forced a sad smile, even though, it felt like my heart was literally breaking.

“If that’s what you want… I’ll try to keep him occupied, I guess… ” Louis chuckled sadly. Everything was going to be fine. I was going to leave and start a new life in America and Harry will finally get the nice girl that he deserves. Everything would be alright… Except for the fact that I’ll be damaged beyond repair without him.

- -

The car ride to the airport with my dad and his girlfriend was awkward but luckily for me, very brief. I wasn’t a big fan of hers but I had to admit, she was trying her hardest to be nice with me. I wondered how she felt about this. She must have been gutted to learn that my dad was dragging his 17 year old brat of a daughter along in California. She probably expected to live an eternal honeymoon with him over there. Oh yeah, that’s right. I’ll have to attend that damn wedding now after all. Great, I almost forgot about that one. It’s when we pulled up in the parking lot of the airport that I realized how real it was. I was leaving. I was leaving my friends. I was leaving the boy I was madly in love with. Suddenly, it all became too much. I felt like I was going to pass out. The car stopped and Sally, my dad’s girlfriend, got out, leaving my dad and I alone in the car. He turned around and looked at me with a small smile.

“You don’t look that excited to leave anymore, are you alright sweety? ” He laughed a bit but he sounded more disappointed than anything else. I know it meant something to him. Me, going to live with him, after all of these years of absence.

“It’s just that… I’m not so sure anymore… Are you sure that I’m doing the right thing..? ” I sniffled and looked up to meet his endearing eyes.

“It’s your choice, honey. You can still stay if you want. I can call your mother to pick you up if you really don’t want to go..? ” I sighed heavily. I didn’t even know what was the right thing to do anymore. All I knew is that I was bad for Harry but… I’d be miserable without him.

“Alright… I made my choice. ” I muttered.

- -

I don’t know exactly how long I stared at the phone in my hands but it felt like an eternity. I was so damn scared to talk to him but I had to… It was the least I could do, even though, he would probably never forgive me after this phone call. I wiped my tears away and finally dialed his number. I held my breath the whole time, praying to god that he would pick up.

“Yeah..? ” His groggy voice took me by surprise.

“Harry! It’s me… Skye. ” I said on a nervous tone. I was literally pacing in circles in my room. What a pussy.

“Shit, are you okay? ” He now sounded alarmed and worried. What for?

“I’m fine… Why do you ask? ” I asked with a small smile on my face, still confused about his jumpy reaction.

“Well, it’s fucking 2AM, Skye. I thought something happened to you!? ”

“Oh right… Yeah… Sorry about that but… I had to talk to you. ” I nervously said, looking down at the floor, fighting back my tears again.

“Look, I’m tired… What is it? ” He said, his voice full of annoyance. I took a deep breath and mentally prepared myself for everything I was about to say to him.

“I just wanted to say that… You were right. ”

“What are you talking about..? ” Harry sighed, probably wishing I had never interrupted his sleep but he needed to hear this. He had to.

“You were right about me. I’m scared. ” I choked out. Harry didn’t say a thing but I knew he was still there, hanging to every word I was about to say next.

“I was scared and I’m so sorry… I know it doesn’t even matter anymore because you’re never going to forgive me for this but… ” I had to stop to breathe a little, tears rolling down my cheeks once again.

“What are you talking about..? ” Harry shakily asked.

“I just did what was the best for you… Because I love you, Harry. ” Neither of us talked for a couple of seconds after I finally said the words he had been dying to hear for so long. I swear to god, it’s like I could hear him smile but at the same time, it completely broke my heart since it was probably the first and last time I would ever say those three little words to him.

“Look, I have to go but… I’m so sorry for doing this but it’s for the best… ”

“But, what’s wrong!? What did you do, Skye..? ” Harry asked softly.

“Just ask Louis… He’ll tell you everything… Goodbye, Harry. Take care of yourself, alright? ” My voice was shaking like mad. I didn’t even bother to cover up the fact that I was crying anymore. It was useless.

“Skye, wait I- ” And then, I hung up. I threw the phone on my new bed and burried my face into my hands. That was it. I’ve done it. I finally told him I loved him even if… It didn’t matter anymore. I rubbed my eyes and looked up to stare outside the two huge glass doors that led to my balcony. My dad really picked a nice house, I had to give him that. I slowly made my way outside on the little balcony and leaned against the fence. The sun was shining, the air was hot and humid and the beach… It was beautiful. Everything was beautiful around here but… It didn’t feel right. It’s like I had a hole in my chest. I knew that it was because of him. Harry became a part of me and now… He was miles away from me and I’ll maybe never even see him again. The thought of it made me burst out in tears again. But it was for the best, it was the best for him. Even if I never see him again, it’s for the best.

Oh lord, if only I knew back then that life had completely other plans for Harry and I… You know what people say, no matter where you go or no matter what you do… When it’s meant to be, you simply can’t walk away.

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