Sick Little Games


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21. Burning Hearts

 

I leaned against the bathroom wall and sighed heavily. It felt so good to be home and to feel finally safe. Most of all, I was just really glad he was safe. I got so scared tonight. I got so scared that I would lose him. But of course, that is something that I’ll never be brave enough to admit. I have my pride after all. I can’t just go and tell him I would be damaged good if I had to ever lose him forever. I’ll never give anyone to opportunity to break my heart. Especially not him. I took a deep breath and slowly made my way to the bathroom sink. I took my time to slowly wash my face and brush my teeth. I’m not going to lie, it did make me nervous that Harry was sitting on my bed just on the other side of the wall, waiting for me. I don’t know if something was going to happen or if we would even talk at all but… It just made me really nervous. I didn’t know what to expect and this is what scared me the most. I finally closed the light and made my way back into my bedroom. I watched from the corner of my eyes as he kicked off his shoes and took off his shirt. I realized that it would be childish of me to go back into the bathroom to get changed so I just decided to do it infront of him. It’s not like it would be such a big deal, we had sex so many times after all. I randomly picked an oversized shirt from my closet, turned my back to him and quickly took off my tank top. He was probably looking at me but it was the least of my problems. The number of times he saw me naked, it didn’t really matter to me that he was looking but I have to admit… I part of me wished he was. I took off my bra quickly, my back still turned to him so all he could see was my bare back and as I was pulling down my skinny jeans, I heard him move on the bed. I put on my oversized shirt quickly and turned around. He was sitting on my bed, his back leaning against the wall and he was staring at me like he wanted to say something. I saw his eyes lingered on my chest and then my legs. I smiled a little as I walked to the bed and took my place by his side. I stared at him for awhile without saying a thing. There was so much I wanted to say but I couldn’t. I believe there was alot he would like to say too but we both just stayed silent instead. I was about to just get under the covers and go to sleep when a burning question crept into the back of my mind. I cleared my throat and turned a little bit more in his direction, staring at the side of his beautiful face. He was looking down at his bruised hands.

“Why did you do that tonight..? Why did you put yourself in danger like this? ” I said on a low voice. Suddenly, to my surprise, he laughed. Out of all the reactions I was expecting, laughing was the very last one. But again, it wasn’t a happy laugh, it sounded more like he was mocking me in a way.

“You really don’t get it… Do you? ” His husky voice sent shivers all over my bare legs.

“Whatever your motivation was… It was stupid. You didn’t have to play the role of my knight in shining armour, you know? ” I said on a bitter tone. His head snapped in my direction, he was looking at me like I was the biggest idiot in the whole world.

“Don’t you understand that it matters? What he did? He hurt you and you matter to me, Skye. You matter a whole fucking lot to me and… I had to do it. ” I sighed loudly and rubbed my eyes, tiredness kicking in.

“I still think it was reckless and stupid of you to do. ” I got under the covers and laid down, turning my back to him. I waited for him to do the same but he just stayed there, he didn’t move at all. The silent was heavy and really uncomfortable. He clearly knew I wasn’t sleeping yet and I knew he wasn’t either so… It was just weird.

I closed my eyes in the hope to fall asleep really quick, hoping to find an empty bed in the morning when suddenly, his low voice broke the silence.

“Is it because of him? ” He whispered so softly that I barely heard him at all. I opened my eyes and turned around with a questioning look on my face.

“What are you talking about..? ” I asked, genuinely confused by what he had just said out of the blue.

“Is it because of him that you don’t want to be with me? ” He said, his voice shaking more than ever. He was looking down at his hands again, too scared to look me in the eyes I guess. I opened my mouth to question him again but he started talking before I could even make a sound.

“It’s because of him. You think I’m gonna hurt you like he did? It’s that, isn’t it!? ” He said more loudly, the emotion was obvious in his words. I sat up in the bed and got closer to him, I tried to make eye contact but he kept turning his head away from me. I got tired of his attitude so I cupped his face with my hands and finally forced him to look me in the eyes.

“This has nothing to do with him! Harry, I know you’re not like that… ” I whispered, stroking his cheeks softly.

“It’s just that… I really want to make sure that you know that I would never hurt you like he did. I would never hit you or force you to do anything… Never. ” I had to hold back my tears because seeing him like this, he was so vulnerable and desperate for me to know… It broke my heart.

“ I know, Harry… I know. ” I mumbled as he took my hands in his and pressed several gentle kisses on them. Just seeing him doing such sweet things like this to me, it made me want to cry and tell him how much I love him but… There was this little voice in the back of my mind saying that it would be the biggest mistake of my life. His hands finally found there way behind my neck, my breathing got faster and erratic, I felt myself drawn to him and as much as I would prefer to stay away, I simply couldn’t. I straddled his waist and pressed my forehead to his. His hot breath on my mouth just made me crave him even more.

“ Why do you keep doing this to me? ” He breathed, his lips brushing against mine. His eyes were glowing with passion but there was also something kind and gentle about the way he looked at me in that moment. He brushed his lips against mine again and he slowly pulled my bottom lip into his mouth. As he sucked gently on my lip, I couldn’t help but notice the growing bulge in his boxers, just underneath my crotch. I ground myself into him as he deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue into my mouth. He grabbed my waist and he made sure to never break our kiss as we were lying down on my bed. In one swift movement, he took off my shirt which only left me in my knickers. He kissed me hungrily one more time until his lips finally made their way down. I moaned his name very loudly as he was sucking on my sensitive spot on my neck. I ground my hips into his crotch which caused him to growl into my neck.

“ Are you sure this is a good idea..? ” He breathed, his face still burried in my neck. I pulled his face back up to look at him.

“ I want you. I just want you. ” I whispered as he watched me intently. To be quite honest, it was probably a terrible idea but my senses and my emotions were all awfully mixed up in that very moment. All I could manage to think was that I needed him. The warm skin of his chest pressed to mine just made me go even more crazy. It wasn’t just mindless sex anymore… Deep down, I knew it was alot more than that.

- -

I painfully opened up my eyes, my head pouding because of my obvious lack of sleep. I groaned a little and turned around, only to find an empty and cold place by my side. I sat up immediately, I was hoping to be by myself this morning but… I never thought he would actually leave. I pulled up the sheets to cover my naked body as I stared at the bed I was now completely alone in. The bathroom door suddenly opened to reveal Harry, only wearing his tight black boxers. His smile fell when he saw the look on my face. For a second, he looked like he was about to join me back in bed but now, he looked more upset than ever.

“ I knew it… ” He frowned, as he was now putting on his chinos and his socks. Great. Now, he was really leaving apparently.

“ What’s wrong? ” I shakily asked, not too sure of what I had just done to suddenly change his mood like that.

“ That look on your face. I know it. You were hoping that I’d be gone by now because you wanted to avoid the awkward post-sex conversation. ” He said bitterly, looking for his t-shirt under my bed.

“ N-No… That’s not t-true! ” I mumbled, my lies getting the best of me. He re-appeared from under my bed with his shirt in hands. He looked so upset, I didn’t know what to say.

“ I was so stupid… ” He scoffed, as he put on his shirt and ruffled his hair, trying to make them more presentable I guess.

“ I was so fucking stupid to think that it would mean something to you… ” He mumbled, searching through my room for his jumper and his keys.

“ Don’t be like that, Harry! It was amazing but… What else do you want me to say? ” I said, biting on my bottom lip.

He spun around and sighed angrily, his eyes burning into mine.

“ You perfectly know what I want to hear. Go on, I’m waiting. ” I stopped breathing for a moment or two. I know what he wanted me to say, I wasn’t that stupid. He wanted me to drop the L word but I simply couldn’t. I opened my mouth but nothing came out. Even if I had tried, I wouldn’t have been able to say what he wanted to hear so much.

“ Yeah… That’s what I thought. ” He whispered, he looked more disappointed and upset than ever. He put on his jumper and his shoes and just as he was grabbing his keys, about to leave, I put on my oversized shirt that I found on the floor and pratically ran to him. I grabbed his arm and pulled him closer, which forced him to look at me.

“ Why do you want me to say it so much? ” My voice broke at the end, holding back my tears.

“ Because I told you how I felt loads of times and you never did… ” He said matter-of-factly, staring into my eyes.

“ But Harry… ” I breathed, not sure where my sentence was even going. I was so overwhelmed by him trying to make me say it that I was just entirely confused about everything.

“ Look, I just want you to stop fucking around with my feelings just because you’re so confused about yours. ” And then, he just left. It took everything I had in me not to start crying. I knew this is what I wanted. Maybe, he’d finally realize that I’ll never be able to be the one for him and finally, he’ll let me go but… I never expected it to hurt so much.

After a long and hot shower, I got dressed and even if I was planning on locking myself up in my bedroom for the rest of the day, I was starving. As I made my way downstairs, I heard my mom’s voice which made me smile a little. She was finally back home after a weekend with her friends. I stopped dead in my tracks as soon as I heard a male voice joining her. For a second or two, I feared that it would be Harry but first of all, it would be really random of him to storm out of my room and just go share a nice breakfast with my mother. Second of all, that man sounded alot more older than Harry. I gulped harshly as I realized who it could be so I immediately ran downstairs. When I got into the kitchen, It felt like my heart was going to explode. I had my speech planned out for years, you know. Ever since he left… I wanted to scream at him and just show him how mad I was but in that moment, I just forgot everything and ran into his arms.

“ It’s good to finally see you, sweetheart. ” My dad said softly, as he hugged me back. I didn’t even realize I was crying when I pulled back and smiled at him.

“ What is going on!? What are you doing here!? ” I asked confused but still smiling. My mom and dad exchanged a weird look and then, they both just turned in my direction.

“ We have to talk to you… It’s important, Skye. ” My mother said, gesturing me to go sit at the table with them. I shakily sat down in a chair just infront of my parents, I was terribly scared about this so-called ‘important conversation’ I was going to have with them but still, I was hoping for the best.

 

    

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