Sick Little Games


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13. Broken Hearts & Terrible Mistakes

 

My hair looked perfect, my really short black dress looked amazing and my heels were killing me but damn, I looked really great in those. I was truly happy with my appearance but wow, the second I stepped into this huge ballroom, I immediately regretted my decision. I was probably the youngest person in the whole damn place. It was full of adults and old people. Oh my, this was going to be a really long night.

“Now, I’ve gotta go talk to some people over there. Please don’t embarrass me tonight, Skye. I mean it. ” My mother said quickly in my ear, just before disappearing into the crowd of people. Great, wow, this evening just got even worse. A waiter suddenly appeared infront of me, offering me a glass of champagne. Thank god. I think alcohol would be the only possible way of enjoying myself tonight. I wasn’t going to say no to that. I immediately took the glass and whispered to myself:

“Well, Skye… Bottoms up! ” As I was smirking to myself. I finished the glass and took another one just after that. The waiter looked impressed but also worried about my alcoholic behaviors. Oh well, I hope he was ready because this was only the beginning.

The evening kept getting more and more boring by the minute, even when people would go on stage to say how much money they were giving to charity, I couldn’t help myself. I just wanted to die right there. Is it possible to die of boredom? I’m starting to think that it’s possible, unfortunately for me, of course. I’ve been sitting alone at the same table for the past hour now. My mom was nowhere to be seen. Typical of her after all! She invites me to this damn boring thing and she’s not even keeping me company… The waiter tried to walk quickly past me but I stopped him, giving him a sign that I wanted another glass of champagne. He slowly walked towards me, with a shy smile on his face.

“Miss, don’t you think you’ve had enough for tonight..? ” He said, looking at me up and down, like I was completely drunk or something. Yes, I’ve had more than 10 glasses of champagne already but I felt perfectly fine. Psh, what an asshole.

“Your job is to give me what I want! Not to lecture me for fuck sakes… Just give me a fucking glass! ” I half screamed, just loudly enough for him to hear it and get the message. I didn’t want to cause a scene after all. My mom would never forgive me… He glared at me and quickly put a glass full of champagne just infront of me on the table. I gave him a beautiful forced smile just before he walked away. As I was drinking my champagne, my thoughts drifted back to Harry and what he said back at the restaurant… He was right. This event was completely snooty and I hated it. I also hated how he was right.

“What does a beautiful young lady like yourself is doing here tonight!? This place is full of dull old people! ” A voice that I didn’t know suddenly said from behind me. I turned around and locked eyes with an adorable little old man. I smiled a little and before I could say anything, he took place in the chair by my right.

“Well, my mom is here for her work and I’m just here… I’m just here for fun… I guess! ” I said, trying my best to sound enthusiastic.

“Oh, c’mon! This must me boring for you. I can’t blame you… I hate these things too. ” The sweet little old man replied, winking at me. I liked him, he reminded me of my grandad in a way. I laughed a little and took another sip of my champagne. My thoughts drifting back to Harry again. I suddenly had the idea of asking that man something. You know, someone I didn’t know at all and most of all, didn’t know my friends. It would be just a little advice… Maybe that would help me to make up my mind about something.

“Sir, can I ask you something..? ” I said, kind of embarassed about what I was going to say next. He smiled at me and leaned closer.

“Go ahead, love! ”

“Are you married? ” I asked sweetly.

“I’ve been married for 42 whole years now… And that woman is all my life.” He said, looking all proud. Wow. For a second or two, I kind of got jealous of him and his wife. I wished my mom and dad would have been like that too…

“Was it always easy… Being together? ” I asked shyly, looking down at my glass. I was really embarassed to ask a complete stranger this but at the same time, it was the only way to get someone’s opinion.

“Oh, bloody hell! It wasn’t… She was a real pain in the ass when I met her. ” He said, laughing a little. I joined in. He was really sweet to just go along with my questions. I was quite surprised about it actually.

“Oh, I see… You’ve got some boy problems and you want my advice, am I right? ” The old man said, grinning at me. I looked down again, embarassed.

“It’s just… There’s this guy and… He’s got feelings for me but… I’m not sure. I’m not sure about anything really… ” I said, in a very confused tone. I was, infact, very confused about everything. I looked up and met the man’s eyes again. He was smiling sweetly at me.

“What’s stopping you from being with this boy? ”

“Because he’s a pain in the ass! ” I said, laughing really loudly. He joined in with me, he probably found it funny since he said the same thing about his wife just seconds ago.

“ That’s why you should give him a chance, young lady. ” He said with a small smile on his face. I nervously took a sip of my champagne. The thought of me and Harry together was just too much for me to handle. It’s like it was impossible in my head. It would just never work out.

“Maybe he just doesn’t deserves a chance… ” I mumbled, staring at the bubbles in my champagne.

“Or… Maybe you’re just afraid to give him one? ” The old man said slowly. I looked up just to stare at him. I was speechless… I simply didn’t know what to say anymore. Some random woman interrupted our litltle conversation and dragged him away. I stayed silent for awhile before I finally got up and pratically ran to the washrooms. Thank god, I was alone. I walked to the sinks and looked up to stare at my reflection in the huge mirror.

“It’s Harry Styles, Skye. It’s Harry fucking Styles… You don’t like him and you will never like him… No, you will not. ” I said, still staring at myself in the mirror. I was probably going crazy, you know, I was talking to myself but oh well… Nobody was around to witness it anyways. The door suddenly flung open, it was my mom.

“Are you alright, sweetheart? ” she said, sounding more concerned than ever.

“I’m okay. Completely fine actually. ” I said, clearing my throat. I was trying my best to push away all the emotions and I was also doing my best to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill out from my eyes at any moment.

“Fine, c’mon now. We’re leaving. Our car is waiting for us outside… ” As I started to walk towards her, she started talking again.

“Oh and by the way, what were you talking about with my boss earlier on? ” She said, laughing a little. I stopped walking and just smiled to myself. Wow. That man was my mom’s boss. Who knew?

“Oh, nothing important really… ” I said, still smiling. She gave me a confused look and I just walked past her. The words from her boss still in the back of my mind. Was I too afraid to give Harry a chance? I was so confused… I just wasn’t sure of anything anymore.

It was now sunday night, I spent the rest of the weekend doing nothing really. All I did was lock myself up in my bedroom and just think about everything that was going on. I was no longer friends with my bestfriend of many years. It was now really awkward being around Zayn, Liam, Niall and especially Harry. Everyone was giving me dirty looks and ignoring me ever since the party. I’ve never felt so alone in my entire life. I’m not the kind of person who talks about what’s wrong and such but, it hurts to know that I’ve got no one to talk to. Usually, I would go to one of the boys but being in this situation now, I simply couldn’t. Because of what happened with Harry, it just would never be the same again with them and it genuinely killed me to admit it. Around 7PM that night, I got tired of being in my room so I took the amazing book ‘It’s Kind of a Funny Story’ and went downstairs. My mom wasn’t home, she was in London having dinner with some friends from work or something like that. I was quite happy she wasn’t there to be honest because when she’s home, she keeps asking me to talk about what’s wrong with me and I just don’t want to. I don’t like talking about my problems. Especially with my mom… I looked out the window and noticed that the weather looked completely lovely. I looked down at my very modest outfit; a loose sweat shirt of the brilliant band ‘Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers’ and a pair of some old denim short shorts. I shrugged and just went outside. I wasn’t planning on going out very far anyways. I sat down in the stairs of my front porch, my book in hands, slowly taking deep breaths of the fresh air all around me. I heavily sighed and opened my book, the idea of forgetting all of the terrible events in my life right now seemed delightful. I just wanted to forget everything for awhile and get lost in someone else’s story. I spent one hour reading, everything was quiet and it was great to get lost in the book and not worrying about my shitty life. I was planning on reading a little longer but the sound of someone walking slowly towards my front porch made me realize that it was real life and there wasn’t any real way of escaping it even if I wanted to. I looked up to meet Harry’s eyes. I should have known it was him. I heavily sighed and closed my book. I’m not sure I was ready to have that conversation with him. I thought about it ever since the charity event with my mom. That man’s words still in the back of my thoughts… Harry was just standing there, not saying a word, just looking at me. The silence was heavy and you could feel the tension between us.

“What are you doing here, Harry? ” I pratically whispered, looking at him in the eyes.

“I really need to talk to you… ” He said, shoving his hands into his pockets. He looked nervous, almost scared really.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea… I’m gonna go back inside now- ” I started but he cut me off immediately.

“I just want you to hear me out, alright!? ” Harry said, with pleading eyes. I slowly got up and walked towards him. Even if I didn’t want to have this conversation, looks like we were going to have it anyways.

“I wanna be with you, Skye. ” Harry simply said. He looked so hopeful and honest. I didn’t like it… It made me feel bad about what I wanted to say and… what I did.

“No, you don’t. ” I shot back, crossing my arms. Harry was clearly delusional if he sincerely thought I was girlfriend material. I maybe was once but not anymore.

“Yes, I am! Ever since we were kids, I always had feelings for you even though… ”

“Even though, we were always taking the mick out of each other! ” I said looking down, laughing a little. Memories from the past, from when we were younger now going through my head. Harry and I were little ennemies even back then. Well, apparently, he liked me during that time too but…

“I wanna be with you, Skye and… I know you wanna be with me too. ” Harry blurted out. I immediately looked up to meet his eyes. I was offended by his way of being so sure of my own feelings.

“I do not want to be with you, Harry- ” I snapped. I wasn’t quite done but obviously, being the little asshole that he is, he didn’t let me finish what I was saying.

“Stop fucking lying and stop being so fucking scared! I know you have feelings for me, but you’re just too damn scared to admit it! ” Harry almost screamed. I just stared at him. He looked down at his feet for a minute or two and this is when I finally found the courage to speak again.

“No… No, don’t pretend like you know me. ” I whispered, my hands shaking a little. I didn’t like this sudden wave of emotions that I was going through right now.

“This is also where you’re wrong. You don’t think I know you but I do, Skye. I’ve known you for more than like 10 years! I know you and I know why you’re so scared… ” I was taking deep breaths, trying to calm myself and my emotions. I gave him a look basically saying ‘please go on’ so he just kept going.

“You’ve always been this kind of… Well, you were always a bitch. ” I scoffed and faked looking hurt. I’ve been called worse, it’s not like a little name like that would make me cry anyways.

“You were always like this because this is who you are but… The day your dad left you and your mom you just became this whole other person… This mean and cold-hearted person and- ” Suddenly, all of the emotions I was feeling just turned into rage. Who the fuck does he think he is? Coming here and pretend like he knew me. He also didn’t have the right to talk about my father. He just didn’t have to.

“Don’t you dare pretend like you know me! You don’t know anything! ” I screamed at him, fuming with anger.

“There it is, again! You’re acting like that because it’s easier than just to admit that you wanna be with me too! ” Harry said, in a desperate tone. My heart was beating so hard, it was almost all I could hear. My head was pounding and I was… I was so mad at him. I just wanted him to leave and leave me alone.

“If I like you so much, Harry. Why did I fuck with Ethan this week!? ” I screamed, glaring at him.

“You’re just saying that to hurt me and make me leave but… I won’t. I’m gonna stay here with you because what we did together meant something and- ” Harry said, his voice cracking with emotion at some moments.

“I only started this thing with you because I knew you liked me and I thought it would be a laugh to play around with your feelings because… I can’t fucking stand you, Harry! ” I blurted out. The second these words left my mouth, I regretted saying them. The look on his face completely broke me. I was mad at him for talking about my dad but… A little part of me couldn’t help but feel bad about what I just said. I wanted to take it back. I wanted to take it back so much. No one was talking. The silence was heavy and it was killing me. I wanted to say sorry but I couldn’t… I had my pride after all.

Harry stared at me for so long, I simply didn’t know what to say. Even though, I felt bad about what I said, my face was showing a whole other thing. On the outside, I looked almost proud of what I just said.

“Wow… I’m sorry I guess… ” He slowly said, his voice full of emotion. I had trouble breathing, keeping my emotions on the inside was harder and harder by the minute.

“Sorry for what!? ” I snapped, not even sure why I just talked again. It’s like my brain and my heart were completely not listening to each other at all.

“Well… I’m sorry I was stupid enough to fall in love with you. ” Harry said, looking at me straight in the eyes. I opened my mouth to say something but I just couldn’t. He just stared at me for awhile but he eventually just turned around and walked away. This is it. This was the end. I ran back to the porch, took my book and ran inside. I locked the front door behind me and quickly made my way upstairs. I threw the book on the floor and closed to door. I leaned against the door, thinking about what I just said downstairs. I ruined it. I ruined all of my chances to ever make peace with him ever again. I just ruined everything.

I couldn’t breathe properly, my throat was dry and it felt like I was about to throw up. I tried to hold back my tears but at one point, I just couldn’t anymore. My back against my bedroom door, my legs suddenly became really weak so I just let myself fall onto the floor. I couldn’t hold back anymore so I just started to cry. I haven’t cried in years because the last time I did it, it was the day my dad left and that day, I promised myself I would stop crying. I know it sounds stupid but I managed to live 4 years without crying until today. I didn’t know why I cried so much but I just did. My heart was aching too, it felt like it was about to burst out of my chest or something. I didn’t know why I was crying so much. It’s definitely not because I have some kind of feelings for Harry. Absolutely, not. I do not have feelings for him. I don’t. I kept repeating these words to myself, as I started crying even harder.

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