An Impossible Love

Mandy met the love of her life, by fate,Harry styles. Everything happened through Skype, will that be the beginning of something real?


46. Words i couldn't say


We were both suffocated and exhausted, laying face up, staring at the ceiling, I could feel his breathing, his pulse, and how his hand managed to meet mine. I was in some kind of a trance, we just made love, it was so passionate, so vivid, so strong, so full of lust and desire, this was something we both have been wanting deep inside. We stayed there, enjoying the silence, and our company, but it didn’t last..

All of a sudden a light coming from the floor illuminated the dark room, I sat immediately realizing it was my phone buzzing, I must have drop it there when Zayn carried me, ‘’Oh god’’ – I said in a low voice, it was Harry, I had 6 missed calls from him, he must be mad already, then everything hit me hard, what have I done?, sadness filled my face, ‘’What happened beautiful?’’ - I ignored Zayn’s question and I quickly picked up my clothes and put them on, fixed my hair in a pony tail, and sat in the right side of his bed sinking my face in my hands, ‘’I’m such a bad person’’- I repeated myself  while sobbing.

‘’Why are you saying that?’’ he said trying to put away my hands from my face, ‘’Cause that’s what I am!!!’’ – I almost yelled at him, ‘’Look what I’ve done to Harry, I just cheated on him, look what I did to my fiancé, I’m suppose to marry that guy, and look what I just did to him!! I don’t deserve him’’- i replied hysterically, he didn’t say a thing, he knew we messed up big time, he knew we just ruined everything, my relationship with Harry, his friendship with him, and even our friendship everything was breaking apart.

 ‘’What am I going to do? What am I going to tell him?, he’s going to hate me!!’’ – all I did was cry, he was standing in the doorway, on silence, with the most worrying face, he approached to me and sat in the bed right beside me, took my hand gently, ‘’Please don’t cry..’’ – he whispered.

My phone started buzzing again, it was Harry, I didn’t know what to do so I took all my things ran to the living room took my jacket and opened the door, I felt how Zayn ran after me, ‘’M, WAIT, where are you going, what are you doing?’’ –he yelled, I stopped abruptly ‘’Zayn this cannot happen between us, we can’t see each other anymore’’ – my heart ached with each word I said, he froze, he shut, and faced down, it killed me but I had to, I felt disgusted about myself, I went in the elevator, and took a cab.

I couldn’t go to Harry’s apartment, I wasn’t able to see his face, and lie to him, and pretend nothing happened, and act like everything was just fine, I had to do something so I went to the only person that would hear me and accept me as I am no matter what, aunt Nina.

I was crying the whole time, sobbing and cleaning my face with my jacket’s sleeve, I wouldn’t forgive myself for betraying harry that way, and with Zayn, I felt miserable, restless, useless, I felt I was nothing, he deserved so much more..

I paid the taxi man, and went upstairs, knock once at her door, I was surprised she opened pretty quick, ‘’Oh God Mandy, what are you doing!!’’ – that was my warm welcome from her, all I did was wrapping my arms to her in a very tight comforting hug, and cried out loud in her shoulders, ignoring the way she was being with me,  ‘’Oh lord ladybug, what have you done..’’ – ‘’I’m so so sorry aunt nina, I’m so sorry’’- I bewailed, ‘’Harry has been calling you like crazy, he was here a while ago, he’s very preoccupied, why didn’t you call him back?’’- ‘’I can’t talk to him aunt nina, I can’t do this to him’’ – ‘’Honey, please stop crying, come sit with me and tell me what happened with Zayn, you may lie to Harry but you can not lie to me’’ – she said firmly, I explained her everything, she was shocked about all the things I told her, guess she didn’t expect me to be that kind of a person and it destroyed me, the fact that she had another perception about me, I felt like hating myself.

Zayn’s P.O.V.

‘’Zayn this cannot happen between us, we can’t see each other anymore’’- those words were the end of me, I couldn’t do anything, she was right, me, her, we were a mistake, a beautiful mistake, but it wasn’t meant to be, now I’m torn, broken, incredible how she left a hole in my soul already, incredible how I miss her presence already, I couldn’t believe I made love to her, I’ll cherish that memory all my life, wish I could press the replay button somewhere, guess this is the cruelest part of reality.

There it was at the tip of my fingers, there it was on the tip of my tongue, there you were and I had never been that far, there it was the whole world wrapped inside my arms, and I let it all slip away.. what do I do now that you're gone, no back up plan no second chance, and no one else to blame, all I can hear in the silence that remains, are the words I couldn’t say

There’s a rain that will never stop falling, there’s a wall that I tried to take down, what I should have said just wouldn’t pass my lips, so I held back and now we've come to this and it’s too late now..

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