Look Before You Fall

This Is My First Fanfic,I Really Hope You Guys Enjoy This :D
It does have cuss words so just a warning ;)
Jess was madly in love with Harry Styles. She had been going through some issues with him. But when Harry asks Jess to open up for One Direction and come on tour with him, she finds out something that broke her heart. She also finds out that she ruined Liam's relationship with his girlfriend but might have started one with her self and Liam. And does she have 2 boys fight over her. Or 3? All Jess knows is,she needs to look before she falls in love...with anyone.

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25. Chapter 24

 

I hadn’t felt like performing that night, but I had to. It was my job, and all personal issues aside, I needed to do it. Singing wasn’t a burden for me, but tonight I hated every song I sang.

All of them were about Harry, and young love, and how amazing I felt. Since none of it applied anymore, all I wanted to do was rip up and burn the pages and forget the songs.

“Thank you, Liverpool!” I forced out, as I ran backstage.

It was painful. I didn’t even listen to the boys sing from backstage. I couldn’t - it was terrible. Since Harry had a lot of solos, it pained me to even hear his voice.

After the show was over, we all trudged back to our hotel, in awful silence. I sat in the very back of the car on the way home. I couldn’t be anywhere near either of them.

We walked through to the lobby and up the elevator, in silence. As we all walked out, Louis grabbed my hand. I looked back, raising my eyebrows.

“I’m sorry, Jess,” he said, softly.

I smiled, slightly - that appeared to be all I could do right now. “Thanks.”

Thanks was all I could offer. I couldn’t say ‘it’s okay’ because it wasn’t. It really wasn’t. Every time I thought about it, it swallowed me up. It overtook me, and I hated the feeling of being so depressed and broken whenever I thought about it.

“Do you want to come to my room?” Niall offered. “Zayn and I are watching a movie!”

“Thanks Nialler,” I said, appreciatively. “But, I think I’m just going to head to bed.”

“Okay,” he said, nodding understandably. “But, if you change your mind…”

“I’ll know who to call.” I smiled, and both the boys went to their room to commence movie night.

I left to my room, shutting the door firmly behind me. I lay down on my bend, not having any energy to do anything but stir in my thoughts.

However, I wasn’t left alone for very long. I heard a knock at my door, and I reluctantly pushed myself up. I swung the door open to see who it was.

Harry.

I immediately started to slam it shut, but he caught it. He pushed it back open.

“Please! Jessie, please just talk to me.”

I sighed, allowing him to walk through the doorway. I shut it firmly, and folded my arms across my chest.

“You have one minute,” I said, coldly.

“Look, I know you have every right to never want to speak to me again, but please just listen to me for this one minute. I promise you, I’ll leave you alone if you want me to. I just wanted you to know that I do love you. And I’m not going to deny what Liam said. I was…I was going to cheat on you.”

I swallowed the large lump in throat, waiting for him to continue.

“And I’m an idiot. A fucking jerk. I know I am. I hurt you, and I’m not going to try to turn this on you. Not going to make you feel guilty anymore. Those were my old tricks. My crap I pulled is past me. I’m here to accept what I did, and do anything possible to make it better. I know I shouldn’t have fallen for the fame and girls and all that stuff, but I just, I couldn’t help it.”

I shook my head. “Why not? Harry, where’s your self control?”

“I don’t know! I looked at every girl and it tempted me. It bugged me how Zayn or Niall could freely give their number to anyone, and I couldn’t. And it’s not your fault. At all. It’s just that I felt trapped, when I’m usually a very free kind of person. I had never been in a relationship as long as this one, I wasn’t used to the commitment.”

“Clearly, I wasn’t enough,” I said, hearing my voice shake. “You wanted to break up with me to feel free again.”

“Jessie, no! You’re enough! You’ll always be enough! More than that. I was just being stupid and young and selfish. I don’t deserve someone as nice and patient and wonderful as you. But, I can’t seem to let you go. I will never be able to. I’d rather be alone than be with another girl. They all just disgust me, the way they throw themselves at me.”

“Well, that’s a turn around,” I said, hard. “That used to be a benefit for you.”

“It’s not! Not anymore. I feel ill every time I think about how much I hurt you. Louis was right - I would have regret breaking up with you. I should have listened to him, so I could have stopped the cheating. And I hate myself for doing this to you. Every time I look at you, you seem so broken. And I know I did that to you.”

He now stepped towards me, and I could feel my heart racing. His words were just so genuine and sincere. I allowed him to put his hands on my shoulders, reassuringly. I took a deep breath in.

“Jess, all I’m asking is for you to think about giving me one more chance.”

“I can’t,” I said, shaking my head. “Harry, you let go of me a long time ago. Right when you cheated on her, and I know you’re trying to get a hold. You’re trying to grab back on, but I just don’t think I can let you. And it’s not fair because I’ve been holding on all this time, just waiting for you to come back. Doing nothing but hoping you’d turn around.”

“Jess-“

“No. Harry. Liam cared about me. He never did anything to hurt me, not once. All he did was think about me and put me first. That’s what I need in someone.”

He was silent, and I had so much to say to him. So little time to get out all that he needed to hear.

“Harry,” I continued. “I was falling for you. And, I kept falling and falling. I couldn’t stop myself. And the thing about you is that you make it seem like you’re going to catch me. You make it look like you’re going to be right there for me. But, it’s not until I finally hit the ground hard that I realized that you were never really there to begin with.”

“Jess, please don’t talk like that. I want to be there. I want to catch you! I want you to let me.”

“But, you weren’t there in time. Liam was.”

“It just kills me when you’re with him, Jess. Every time he holds you or kisses you, it doesn’t feel right. And it breaks me all the time because I love you so much, Jess. I can’t love you more than I love you right now. I can’t love you more than this!”

He stopped to think for a moment, dwelling over his words. I just watched him, remaining completely still.

“More than this,” he mumbled under his breath.

“Harry what are you doing -“

“I’m going to show you how much I love you, Jess. I promise.”

With that, he let go of me and left the room without another word.

~*~

I took a deep breath. I was standing outside his dressing room. Liam was in there. I knew he was - I watched him walk in. I just needed to apologize and get everything out in the open. Hopefully, he could forgive me.

But I wasn’t holding my hopes too high.

I lifted my hand, hovering over the surface of the door. Just knock, Jessie.However, I stopped at the last second, lowering my hand.

“Just do it,” Niall said from behind. I turned around and smiled. 

“Whoa, you scared me.”

“Sorry,” he said, grinning. “I just saw you hesitating. Just knock, Jess. You need to talk to Liam.”

“I know.” 

We stood in silence for a while, and he looked towards the floor. 

“Niall,” I said timidly. “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for hurting you earlier. I know you liked me, and I didn’t handle it all too well. I just shouldn’t have done that to you.”

“It’s okay, Jess. I’m sorry too. It was just a silly crush.”

I nodded, glad we had that out in the open. “Thanks.” I hugged him tightly, and he smiled. I let go, knowing that Liam was waiting in his room. And I had to get this over with. 

“Good luck,” Niall said, before walking down the corridor to see one of the boys. I took a deep breath in and just went for it. 

I knocked on the door. 

It took several moments before Liam actually got up from where he was inside to come and swing open the door. Once he saw me, his face remained expressionless. I looked down towards the floor, guilt tugging at my heart. 

“Oh, hi.” The deadness in his voice broke my heart. 

“Liam, please, can we talk?” I asked, desperately. 

“I guess.”

“Liam, I shouldn’t have kissed Harry. I know I shouldn’t have. You were my boyfriend, and I liked you so much. Too much to hurt you. And I feel like such an idiot, kissing him when I was still with you. I should have been thinking. And that’s the problem with me - I act before I think.”

“You didn’t go out with me because you liked me, Jess. I know you didn’t,” he said, painfully. He looked up at me, and I could see him shattering slowly. 

“Liam -“

“The truth. Please?”

“No,” I admitted, shaking my head. “I didn’t go out with you on the sole purpose of liking you. I did it because I was mad at Harry for everything. But, Liam, you have to know that I grew to find out how amazing and wonderful you are. I started dating you for all the wrong reasons, but as I got to know you, I found out all the right reasons as to why you are an amazing boyfriend.”

He remained silent, and I knew I had to continue. 

“And any girl in this whole wide world would be lucky enough to have you and find out how wonderful and gentle and selfless you are,” I carried on. 

“But you’re not one of those girls.”

“I’m sorry, Liam,” I replied, sighing. “I don’t think I am. I know how great you are, really I do. But, I just don’t think I’m the girlfriend you want. My heart isn’t always going to be in it, and you deserve someone who is going to love you wholeheartedly.” 

He nodded. “I know. I just, I wish you loved me like you love Harry.”

I gave a sad smile. “I wish I could too. But, I guess you just can’t pick the person you fall in love with, because no matter how much pain Harry put me through, I just can’t seem to push him out of my life.” 

He stepped towards me, sighing. “I understand.”

“I”m sorry, Liam. I guess, there’s always going to be those people who are better off in your heart, and there’s always going to be those other people who are better in your life. Some people you just can’t live without, and others you can’t live without the memories you had with them.”

He stared at me, his eyes shining. I put a hand on his shoulder, inches apart from him. 

“I guess,” I said, “Harry needs to be in my life. Memories just don’t seem to be enough.” 

He nodded. “I know,” he said softly. 

“And you - you’ll always be a best friend to me, and when I think back to us, or look at the pictures we took, I’ll remember nothing but the best about you.” 

“And I’ll remember that you were beautiful, smart, and amazing,” he replied, gently. He put his arm around my waist, pulling me closer. 

“You are the best boyfriend anyone could ask for. And I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I really am sorry.”

“I forgive you, Jess. I believe you.” 

We were so close now, and I just needed him. I needed him right now, once more, before I could finally let him go. I leaned in, and he seemed to need me too. 

I kissed him, running my hands through his hair. He pulled me in even closer, and we had a peaceful, still moment together. We had one more memory of each other, that would last forever. 

I pulled away and stared at him. He leaned in and kissed me once more. 

“Thank you,” I said, breathlessly. 

Liam would always be in my heart. He would always be that shining memory I looked back on. Nothing more. 

And I was okay with that.

~*~

Harry. Harry. Harry. 

That’s all that floated through my mind for the next few days. But, I honestly couldn’t do anything about it right now. Even though I knew I needed Harry, I didn’t know if I could have him in my life. He had put me through so much.

Liam wasn’t around today, so I couldn’t even hang out with him. Where were all the boys? I walked downstairs, after waking up and having a lengthy dream about Harry. 

“Morning sunshine,” I heard from behind me. Zayn.

“Hey Zayn,” I greeted, grinning. 

“Made a decision yet?”

“Is it that obvious that I’m struggling picking between giving Harry a second chance or not?” I wondered, sitting at the table with him. 

“Yes.” He laughed, pushing a bowl and a box of cereal towards me. I started pouring the contents, and he continued to speak. “It’s not a bad thing, Jess. It’s just obvious, is all.”

“Well, I haven’t made one yet.”

He nodded, thoughtfully. “Well, personally, I think you should choose him.”

“Why?” I wondered.

“You’re never going to find anyone like him, Jess. You’re just going to keep comparing your other relationships to Harry, and no one is going to reach your expectations. This bar has been set for you guys. Harry’s not ever going to date anyone seriously after you.”

“How do you know that?” I wondered, even though it was the truth. At least, for me it was. 

“Because I see the way you guys are with each other. Even when you were broken up, anybody could tell something was going on there. The way you guys talk to each other, look at each other, act around each other - it’s true love.”

I nodded, looking down at my food. I wasn’t hungry, and I pushed the bowl aside. I sighed, contemplating. 

“But, he cheated on me. If he really loved me, he wouldn’t have thought about another girl.”

“Yeah, he was being an idiot,” Zayn agreed. “It’s up to you to believe if he’s changed or not. I think this whole tour has been a wake-up call for him. From how he’s acting, I would bet that he’s never going to let you go again.”

I nodded. “Thanks Zayn.”

“Anytime.”

“Mornin’!” Louis said from the entranceway. We turned around to smile at him, and he waltzed in. He started eating my neglected bowl of cereal, sitting down with us. “What’s the topic of discussion, mates?”

“Harry,” we both said. 

“Of course,” he said, nodding. “Look, Jess, I’m sure Zayn has already given you his words of wisdom, but just forget about what your head’s saying, alright? Just go with whatever your heart says. It’s usually the best option in situations like this.”

“But, I’m not sure what my head and heart are saying. It’s a jumble of ‘pick Harry’ and ‘no, don’t!’ I don’t know which is which,” I responded, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion. 

“You just have to silence your head. I know it’s hard, but once you do - the decision will be easy.”

Zayn nodded his head in agreement, and I listened carefully. Their advice was so great - what would I do without these boys? Nothing. That’s what.

“Okay. I’ll try,” I replied. 

“Hey, so why don’t you come with us to the interview today? I’m sure all the boys would want you to watch,” Louis suggested. 

The boys were being interviewed on live television, and I just didn’t think I wanted to sit through that. Girls screaming for Harry loudly, saying how wonderful and beautiful he is. I just couldn’t take it. And then he would sing, and I wouldn’t be able to handle it. I wouldn’t be able to just stand there and watch him. 

I shook my head. “I really don’t think I should.”

“Aww, please? Come on, you should!” Zayn pleaded. Still, I was sure about my decision. 

“No, you guys have fun on the show - tell me how it goes. I really don’t think I should. I don’t think I can.”

Louis looked disappointed. “Jessie, you don’t have to even look at Harry if you don’t want to.”

But, I did want to. I just couldn’t. It would be impossible. My head and heart would be in a constant battle the whole night. 

“I’m afraid.”

“Of what?” Louis wondered. 

“Of making the wrong decision.” That was truthful. But, in complete honesty, I think I was afraid my heart was going to win this battle. And I’m not sure I was ready for that. 

“Okay,” he sighed, getting up from the table. “We’ll miss you, Jess.”

I just smiled in return, as I watched the boys leave the room.

 

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