Moments In Time

Chelsea was just an normal girl with an obse... ahem... dedication with the biggest boy band of the generation... One Direction. But as soon as the five-some arrive in Melbourne, Australia, Chelsea's life is turned upside down. Meeting up with them is once-in-a-lifetime... but when more opportunities pop up, it seems too good to be true.

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40. Is It Love-Hate?

 

Hate.

My life was full of it.

Ever since three days ago I admitted to the world I was with Harry.

I danced with my two best friends, my hands clasped with Mia's. They knew exactly what I was going through... and it wasn't easy. Icona Pop blasted through the speakers in the club, nearly blowing me away. The force was so loud... I had never experienced something quite like it before. I sung the lyrics, shouting at the top of my lungs. Of course, I wasn't as loud as the music or the rest of the crowd... but I felt like I was letting myself go, setting myself free. The boys soon danced their way over to us, being blocked off from some of the fans. They didn't want to be disturbed.

Niall was still a carefree mofo; he loved Mia no matter what. Nothing could ever get in the way of their love for each other. Zayn seemed out of sorts, but still maintained a smile and a cheery attitude. Liam loved Julia overwhelmingly and was always able to help me if I was feeling down. Harry was... different. He had changed dramatically since... the incident. He had gotten a lot more quieter and it was always awkward between us. But Louis... Louis had changed the most. His personality had swapped dramatically. His laughs and fun attitude had disappeared into thin-air; he only just managed to pop a joke every now and then. He looked so... depressed. I was so depressed. Lou couldn't even look me in the eye anymore.

I slipped away from my friends and into the bathroom, wanting to clean up my make up again. I brushed my hair with the tips of my fingers and and cleared the knots away with no problem. I brushed my lip stick over my lips gently and managed a smile.

I exited slowly and was greeted by Harry, "Hey Harry..." I whispered, wrapping my arms around him and kissing him gently on the cheek.

I couldn't keep up this act anymore...

Harry hauled me close to the and his gaze met mine. I was startled, murmering his name. He brushed his lips across my philtrum and then he crashed onto my lips, kissing me hungrily. I stood stunned and tried to wriggle out of his grasp but Harry's large arms had surrounded me so I couldn't escape. His tounge reached places in my mouth I didn't think we're possible yet I had to get away from him. Any minute Louis could walk in. Harry placed his hands on my hips and worked his way up, reaching my scalp. I couldn't pull away from him, but I tried what I could.

"Harry... Get... Off!" I cried in a hushed whisper, trying to step away. Harry pulled away and looked at me innocently. I wiped my mouth and glared at him angrily, "Whats your problem, Harry? I know we're supposed to be in a relationship but you're taking it too far!"

Harry shook his head and cursed, "Yes I know. I'm so bloody sorry. I don't know what became a hold of me. I should learn better."

"What you should LEARN is now I've technically cheated on my first, real boyfriend I've ever had..." I sniffed, rubbing my eyes.

"I didn't mean to, in THAT sort of way. It's just..."

"You what, Harry?" I snapped, crossing my arms. I was furious with Harry, as he knew perfectly well that Louis and I were meant to be.

"I wanted to know what your kiss felt like, Chelsea! I've always fancied you since we first met you and now I'm so sorry for what I did. I can't remember any thing from that night, and I knew that I must of kissed you then." Harry blurted, running his fingers through his knotted curls. "...I'm such an idiot and you have every right to be angry at me. But before you hold a grudge, I want you to know that I'm terribly sorry for what got a hold of me just before."

I stood frozen. Harry... Harry liked me? I wanted to pull my hair out, knowing now that I was in a love triangle. I placed my back against the wall and slid down until I sat cross-legged on the floor, "I can't believe this, I can't believe you, I can't believe Louis."

Harry bent down infront of me and took one of my hands, "I know, I don't expect you to believe me... But I want you to know that it's the truth." He wasn't lying, he was telling the truth. I could tell as if I was a psychic or something. I gave a small smile and blushed, "I believe you." I pushed my lips against his and them pulled away, smiling.

* *

I stumbled into Harry's room, my fingers laced with his. "Harry..." I murmured, "I think we should let go now..."

Harry laughed as untangled his fingers. There had been so much paparazzi shrouding out house that it wasn't funny. I was a claustrophobic person so if I was around crowds I felt like I was going to die. We had to ignore them, Paul had said, and leave the answers to the interviews. I remember when I was just a fan and I used to think, "Surely management can't be THAT bad..." But know they're my worst enemy.

I got dressed into my pajamas and was about to slide into bed when soft strumming from down the hall startled me. I slipped out log the room an tiptoed down the hallway, pressed my ear against Niall's bedroom. I pushed the door open a crack and Mima sat cross-legged on the edge of the bed while Nialler played the guitar.

 

If this is love 

Love is easy 

It's the easiest thing to do 

If this is love 

Love complete me 

Cause it feels like I've been missing you

A simple equation 

No complication 

To leave you confused 

If this is love, love, love 

It's the easiest thing to do

 

I bowed my head and Niall continued the rest of the song. I couldn't be like that around anyone anymore. Not around Louis, not around Harry. Suddenly, I felt two large arms wrap around my waist. I giggled as Harry's luscious locks curled up on the side of my face as he nuzzled his head on my shoulder. Harry took my hand and spun me around, soon pulling me close and dancing to the best of the song. I couldn't stop laughing; Harry was such a great fake boyfriend. "Harry!" I squealed as he tickled me silly. I soon collapsed onto the floor and everything went quiet when Louis coughed. I snapped my head up, my smile dropping, "Be careful with her, will you?"

Harry helped me up and I brushed my jeans, "Louis I think I don't need to be mothered..."

"She's right mate, we were just having a bit of fun!" Harry exclaimed, shrugging innocently.

"Chelsea! Don't you get it? You've ruined this band! I can't get five seconds of peace without somebody shoving questions into my face!" Louis shouted, throwing his hands up to emphasize his voice.

I bit my bottom lip as tears threatened to spill. Niall and Mia had heard the argument and opened the door. Everybody had stopped to listen. Harry shook his head in disapprovement, "Louis... There was no need for something like that..."

Louis snarled, a dark, mean side revealing itself, "But it's true Harry and you know it. You had to go behind my back and do this to us... do this to me. Do you really want this band to break up because I am on the tip of the iceberg!"

I screamed out in agony, wanting to collapse somewhere and die. I bolted into Harry's room and locked myself in the ensuite. Harry slammed his fists against the wall and shouted for me to let him in. "Go away!" I screeched, collapsing to the ground. I bent my knees and wrapped my arms around them. He hates me. Louis Tomlinson hates me. He loved me and now he despises me. I reached into the cupboard and searched for something... something to ease the pain. I gripped my hands slowly around the razor and pulled it out, examining it slowly. Is this really what I've become? A selfish person who's about to self harm? I always looked at the people who had done this sort of thing and felt pity for them, knowing that I would never do such a thing. But now it has come to the love of my life that now hates me, I feel like it the only way. I scraped the razor across my left wrist, making sure I didn't hit any veins. I winced at first but felt a sense of relief. The red blood oozed out from the cut and I panicked. I jumped in the shower and bent down there and cut myself several other times and finally stopped. I couldn't do any more. I washed the blood away and waited until the bleeding had stopped. I cleaned up the evidence in a hurry, it wanting anyone to see the scars. I pushed my arm against my body and opened the door, smiling at Harry.

"Is everything alright? I-I was beginning to get worried..." Harry asked, placing two palms on my shoulder.

I stifled a large smile and took a quick glance at my wrist, "I just needed time to clear my head. Everything is just fine."

The next morning I woke up next to Harry, snuggled into his chest. The sunlight poured through the curtains, making my eyelids flickered open. I moved just the tiniest and still was able to wake up Harry with me. He stretched every bone in his body and gripped one hand around mine. He travelled up my palm and soon stopped at my wrist. Harry paused and soon sat up, grabbing my wrist. I cursed under my breath and pulled away, "Harry..."

"You... You self harmed?" Harry stammered, his gaze connecting with mine. I bit my bottom lip and nodded wearily, knowing I had done wrong. I wanted to take it back, take everything back. Right now I was just a mess.

"Chels... You shouldn't have done that and I shouldn't have let you. Please, don't do it again. You'll cause so much pain on yourself..." Harry whispered into my ear, kissing each one of my scars, "Promise me, Chelsea."

"Harry, you don't understand. I-I think I've got depression... I need help..." I whimpered, my glassy eyes sending small tears lip down my cheek.

Harry look at me, not knowing what to do or what to say. He stared at me blankly and sighed, "I'm no therapist, but I want you to stop. The best person to talk to right now is Lou Teasedale. Sometimes she's the closest I've got for a mum... besides Liam..."

I managed a small laugh and got up to get changed. Harry was ready to drive me there, since I had no idea where I was going. We told the others we were just heading out for a drive, but it was a much more serious matter.

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