Her Choice

This is just a short one I wrote late at night, after a conversation I had with someone suffering from depression. It's about a girl who is on the verge of suicide and contemplating jumping of a cliff because she's unhappy with her life.

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1. Contemplation

The wind blew her long, tousled hair and tugged at her dress, pulling her - tempting her, almost - to jump. To dive in and feel the cold, deep water envelop the whole of her and take her away from the world, from reality. She longed for the waves to carry her away, and yet, she didn't want to die. She wanted to live, she just wanted to escape and this seemed like her only option.   She looked out across the water, to the horizon, where the seemingly infinite blue-black water met the darkening sky. Streaks of orange, gold and red ran across the purple and blue expanse, as though they were painted carelessly by a child who had no idea what it was doing. She thought about life, about her own life, and the lives of others around her. About after life, what comes next? Heaven? Reincarnation? Nothing at all perhaps? A few birds flew above her, their beautiful wings flapping gracefully as they caught the last of the light from the descending sun, and headed out ver the sea. They were so free, she thought. She wanted that kind of freedom, to live without limitation, to live without caution, without fear of the unknown holding her back.  No pressure, no decisions, just perfect, pure freedom. It was so close she could almost feel it touching her. She turned to the left to look at the grass beside her, swaying in the wind, She turned to the right, turned again to look behind her, to see the lights of the distant village twinkling like stars in a wild, beautiful sky. She loved the sensation she got from being up here, away from civilization. It was better than any other feeling in the world to her. It was cold, she could feel the chill in the air against her skin. She stood there, upon the top of the great cliff, until she was too tired, and she lay in the soft, damp mass of grass and heather beneath her. She didn't close her eyes though. Instead, she stared into the sky. Only a few golden streaks remained, and clouds of smokey grey were gathering above the world. She thought it was strange, funny even, how they drifted without direction, with no plan, no particular route or urgency. And yet, they would be the cause of something so big, so powerful; rain, thunder, lightning would soon be produced by these masses of harmless grey condensed vapour. They would have such an effect - possibly devastating -  on so many people. And they were completely unaware, obviously, because they are just clouds, and don't have the capability to think, or feel, or wonder. But they would be the cause of something cataclysmic, and somehow...wonderful. A beautiful disaster. Not unlike herself, in some ways.So unaware of the lives she will change, of the people affected by her, and those who will be affected by her in the future. She does not stop to contemplate the amount or the way she will change things. She has no idea what the future really holds, only that she fears it. So she refuses to take the challenge, to risk anything. For fear.

She's planned it out. She's ready. She's convinced herself she wants to do it - to take her own life - and still, something's holding her back. There she is, supposedly ready to do it, and she has stayed up here all this time, wasting time. Because deep down, she knows it's the wrong thing to do. She knows. She wants to, but she just can't give up. It was now pitch black, the sky was studded with a few silver stars and the ocean was an inky black, occasionally broken up by the moonlight dancing on the waves. The only sounds she could hear was the sea crashing against the rocks below. She knew that time was running out - the storm would begin soon, and the tide would be coming in. raising the water level to just over half way up the cliff. She stood up, and with one final look across the water, she turned and bolted down the rocky path that lead to the road, then ran as fast as she could to the beach. When she finally reached it, she was exhausted and out of breath. She took her shoes off and felt the cool sand as she walked along the shore. White foam bubbled along the waves that were rapidly making their way further up the beach. She sat down. From her pocket, she took a piece of paper and unfolded it. She read the note several times to herself, an then in one moment of sheer impulse, she threw it out in to the sea and watched as the waves engulfed it and carried it away until it had disappeared from sight. The water was taking up most of the beach now, inching forward threateningly, so she decided to go back to the cliff where she had spent most of the evening. She sat there, watching the world as it slept. She stayed there and let time pass, until the storm worsened and she was forced to go back to the small hotel she was staying in. She stood up, but before she walked away, she pulled the bow out of her hair. She untied it and held it in her hands, then held it up and let go. She watched as the pale blue ribbon fluttered away, carried by the wind. Her hair fell around her face and blew in all directions, but she didn't care. She smiled and turned away, walking back down the path to the road. A few heavy raindrops fel from the sky and the rumbling of thunder could be heard in the distance. She broke in to a jog, getting faster and faster until she reached her hotel - her temporary home - and quietly settled in to bed.

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