Passion '2 (15+)

"Remember when I promised to love you forever?"

"Yes?"

"Forever isn't over yet."

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82. You may be unsure, but I know

 

I opened up the zipper in my skintight jeans, pulled them down my legs, and kicked them off my ankles, pushing them into the corner of the room. I didn't have any sweats at Zayn's place, but being in my undies and a strap top was way more comfortable than being in skintight jeans, that felt as if they were painted on your legs.

I crawled up in Zayn's king sized bed, lay down on my stomach with my face turned to the TV hanging on the wall across the bed. Zayn didn't rent movies in stores anymore, neither did he own any physical movies anymore, only the ones that I had brought and had forgotten to bring with me home. He liked the whole point of just pressing a few buttons and then your would have your movie ready. 

I scrolled through the movies on the screen, with the remote. I had watched plenty lots of them, mostly because I was searching for older movies. Movies that I used to watch when I was a teen. Not that I would force Zayn to watch Mean Girls, but to watch The Notebook, or Dear John would be lovely. 

I decided to watch Dear John, mostly because I used to love that movie.

 

When Zayn came in he was carrying three boxes, one for me, one for him, and one with rice that we could share. 

He smiled when he saw me lying there on his bed, and sat down beside me, placing my box beside me. "I hope you will like it," He said, and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. "Don't you wanna lie the other way? We could lie up against the wall, with some pillows and cuddle?"

So that's what we did. We cuddled up in the bed, while we ate the food. The boxes were big, and we didn't even get to the part where John had to leave to go to war, before I was full, and let Zayn eat the rest, which didn't seem to be a problem to him. He was quiet under most of the movie, at least in the beginning. Sometimes when I glanced at him, I found him looking thoughtful, though I didn't understand why. We had made it to the part where John had to leave to go to war, when Zayn moved a little away from me, pulled the thai boxes away from the bed, and placed them on the nightstand. I didn't bother looking at him, and kept my eyes on the movie. 

But he changed that when he opened up his mouth and spoke, "About the 'no sex for a month'... I think I need to tell you something," 

The first thought that popped into my head was that he had cheated on me, but I didn't really know why that was my first thought. It should've been my last. Maybe it was the way the started the sentence. So serious, mysterious. I could feel the familiar knot build in my stomach, as he lifted himself up on his elbows, and looked at me. The movie seemed to fade out in the background, while a part of me doubted the fact that I even wanted to hear what he was about to say. Not that anything about the sex could be really important, but he seemed serious.

"I've got a tour coming up soon, with the lads. And we're leaving the 6th February..." He looked at me, with gentle eyes, waiting for my reaction. I could tell that he got slightly nervous, since it took me about one or two minutes before I managed to answer him. My answer was nothing special, just a simple, "Oh".

"I just thought you should know, since I've never been on a tour while we've dated, and since you're not used to the distance and the time we'll be apart I wanted to tell you now, so that I can help you understand how it is..."

I remained silent.

"I know that you hate long distance relationships, but it's only 6 months, and then I'll be back home, and everything will be back to the way it is now - except from the fact that we'll have sex," Zayn tried to light the atmosphere in the room up, by saying the last playful sentence, but it didn't bother me. I just looked at him, nodded, but didn't say a word.

"I should've told you earlier, but I was not sure if we would..." He held a pause, to think about what he was saying, and then he continued, "Be together when the day came. Not that I doubt what we have, but... It's..."

"Fragile," I ended his sentence, and he nodded in agreement.

"But... You said... 6 months?"

"Yeah."

"Oh".

He sent me a little smile, and reached a hand out of caress my naked shoulder, pulling the strap of my top down over my shoulder. "You know I love you, right?" He whispered, while letting his fingers run in circles over my skin, causing my heart to beat faster, and my stomach to tickle. I pressed my lips together, and nodded. 

He moved closer, and pressed his lips against my shoulder, while his fingers ran down my arm, down to my hand. He intwined our fingers, with his palm pressed to the back of my hand. "I love you sooo much," He mumbled, still with his lips slightly touching my skin. I didn't answer him. I never did when he said that. I never said it back. Not that I didn't have feelings for him, but a part of me was too scared to open up like that to him. Like I had done in the summer 2012, when I had trusted him with everything I was 

There were just things that I learned to be careful about the older I got. 

If I couldn't take the distance, or if he met someone new... The simply three words, with such a big meaning, would be thrown away, and all it would show was the weakness I had for him. Not that I didn't believe that he already knew that he was my weakness, but to say it out loud seemed frightening. If I lost him, it would just have seemed too real, and too deep.

 

Take all of your doubts, you can throw them out. 

You may be unsure, but I know...

I'm always coming back, you can bet on that. 

You're the only place I call home.

 

I just cuddled closer to him, and rested my head on his chest, letting him wrap his arms around me. "I promise I'll write you," He whispered, and rested his head on top of mine. "You better," I let my lips curl into a little smile as I lifted Zayn's shirt a little up, so that my right hand could travel up his abs, and feel the heat of his skin against my hand. I placed my hand just above his heart, feeling it's beating. 

With too much alcohol in our blood, and a lot of cigarette butts in the sand around us, we were sitting on the beach. Laughing at the stars, and sharing everything. His arms were locked around me, keeping my body warm. "You know... Someday I wanna be a bride," I mumbled, and turned to look up at the sky. "A bride?" He asked, with laughter in his voice. I shrugged my shoulder, "Yeah, you know, to walk down the aisle. With my daddy by my side, to see whoever I'm marrying be standing there, waiting for me," My voice was low, and I sounded serious, but still drunk. I could tell. "I'll be waiting, I promise you" He whispered in my ear. 

 "And then we'll live happily ever after... just like in fairytales," I whispered, and didn't take my eyes away from the stars, that were shining so bright from above. 

"I like that idea, Juliet", 

"But Romeo, promise not to leave?". 

I squeezed her hand a little, "I promise,". 

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