Passion '2 (15+)

"Remember when I promised to love you forever?"

"Yes?"

"Forever isn't over yet."

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87. Weakened

"Zayn?" Emily's voice sounded from outside the door. She was talking in a low concerned voice. I bit my lower lip hard, and squeezed my eyes even harder together. My heart was pouding fast in my chest, causing my head to pound painfully. I tried to block her brilliant face out of my mind, but it was not possible at any point. Minutes passed where I prayed that she had left, cause I hadn't locked the door, and I didn't want to her to find me as weak and exposed as I was when I sat there. The water hit my skin hard and burned it enough to make it a bit painful. I felt dizzy from the heat, and I couldn't concentrate on anything but the aching.

"Zayn?" She tried again, and this time she knocked carefully on the door two times. I breathed in deeply and tried to sink closer to the wall and floor. I somehow hoped that I could melt in in the wall and then disappear. I didn't want to deal with anything. I didn't want to face the world - not today. I just wanted to have her to myself. I slowly opened my eyes just to see the metal handle get pulled down slowly. I held my breath and prayed that she would change her mind and close the door again, but the opposite happened. Soon her tiny figure showed up in the open door. She looked through the glass into the shower, and leaned her head a slight bit to the side. Her eyes met mine, and her forehead wrinkled a little bit. She looked sad. 

After a few seconds of gazing at each other, she took a few steps closer to the shower door. She slowly stepped into the shower, and sat down on her knees in front of me. The water hit her hair, and ran down the t-shirt she wore. My t-shirt. I felt ashamed,  and exposed. I never wanted her to see me like this. I didn't want her to see me cry. I wanted to be the strong one of us, the one who could hold her when she cried, so when she saw my weak side... I didn't feel that much like her hero anymore. I felt weak. 
When her eyes met mine, shivers ran down my spine. She looked right into my soul, like she could read every little thought that circled around in my head. She moved a little so that she soon was sitting beside me, also resting against the cold stone wall. She leaned her head against my upper arm. We sat like that for several minutes, not speaking, not moving. Her eyes were closed, and the only sound that broke the silence was the sound of running water that hit our bodies. 

"Do you love him?" I whispered. My heart was pounding fast and I found it hard to breathe normally. I was so terrified of the answer, but yet I had managed to ask the question. 

Her eyes fluttered open, and she looked at me through her eyelashes. 

"Yes, I do love him..." She broke my heart in the blink of an eye. I felt like everything started spinning, and a terrible sickness spread inside of me. Not only mental pain but also physical. I felt sick. Like I wanted to vomit. "-But there's a difference between loving someone, and being in love with someone. And I am not in love with James." 

I closed my eyes and threw my head back against the wall. I didn't know what to do. Everything was spinning and even though she wasn't in love with him the sickness didn't fade. She had been. She had been so close to marrying him, and I wasn't sure if I was strong enough to keep her. "I love you, Emily" I mumbled and took a deep shaking breath. 

"I know," She moved her body a little closer to mine, but kept her head on my upper arm. "And I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying here if you want me to," 

I nodded. The tears were still streaming down my cheeks. I didn't want to speak, afraid that my voice would crack up. Afraid that I would break down in front of her. But when she wrapped her arms around me, I hid my face in her hair and held her tight. Right there I couldn't help it, and I started crying harder. My body was shaking in her arms, but she didn't give a sign that she would move, she tightened her grip harder around me. 

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