Passion '2 (15+)

"Remember when I promised to love you forever?"


"Forever isn't over yet."


51. Twist

I kissed him back, just for enough time to realize what I was doing, what he had said, what was going on, and what bond I was building. I fast stepped back, away from him. My head was spinning, and he had a confused look on his face. I almost felt sorry for him, knowing that soon he would sit alone wondering what he had done wrong. He hadn't done anything wrong, except from scaring me by confessing his love to me. He made my heart beat faster, but not only from the sparks that flew between us, but also from the fear of losing everything I loved. Like James, like the big house in the small town, like my family's respect, like my innocence - even though that had been gone for a long time now. I took another step backwards. I wondered how my face expression looked, cause the wrinkle between his eyebrows got even bigger, and he looked more and more confused by each second that passed. 
Maybe I looked like I felt, scared. I backed even more backwards, until I could feel myself getting close to the open door, then I slowly turned around, but escaped a lot less slower out of the kitchen. I left him alone, with his thoughts. While I ran down the hall, and escaped into his bedroom. The baggy bag I had had with me, was lying open of the floor. I kneeled on the ground, picked my bra up, but it on, followed by a lose grey sweater, and then I squeezed myself down in some skintight blackjeans. I was hurrying more than ever, cause I feared hearing the door open, and I feared looking into his eyes, when he would realize what I was about to do. I fast collected my stuff that was spread over his floor, and I squeezed everything down in my bag, and then I closed the zipper. My heart was beating extremely fast, and I could feel the knot building in my chest, as I fought not to cry. I didn't know why I was so close to letting the salty water drops escape from my eyes. I wasn't supposed to be sad about my choice. I swallowed my sniff, as the door opened. I could hear it, the click when the handle got pulled down. The sound of his breath, and the sound that faded. He didn't breathe. I slowly turned my head, and saw him standing there in the door. With a half open mouth, and his chest started moving again, slowly and heavy. 
He didn't speak. He did nothing but to stare at me. I pulled myself up from the floor, grabbed my bag, slipped it up my arm. I stood with my front turned to him. His eyes were wide open, and I knew what he felt... And that's why I found this harder than I hoped it would be. I had been there. I had felt my heart break. Though I didn't want to believe that he actually loved me, that he actually would be breaking when I walked out his door. I walked up to him, but didn't say anything, instead I passed him. I tried hard not to look back, when I walked down the hall, and turned around the corner, not into the kitchen but to the livingroom. I knew that he was following me, I could hear his footsteps and his breathing, but I just kept on walking. I walked across the living room, out into the hall, where jackets and shoes hang and stood. I grabbed my jacket under my arm. 


Zayn's P.O.V:


Outside the autumn leaves where falling, the trees losing their colors and pride. They would soon be left cold and naked. Like I would. I couldn't speak, I just couldn't find the courage. I felt a lot weaker than I had hoped to feel. My stomach was turning, and my mind running wild. She turned around, just to take one look at me. To see the pain written all over my face. "I'm so sorry," She whispered. I took a deep breath, it was shaking, badly. If she left me now, I would be left empty and scarred. 
All I wanted was a reason, I wanted her to be honest with me... 
But at that moment I was too weak to say anything, and I remember it clearly .. The minute I let her walk out my door. I hadn't tried to stop her. I hadn't been strong enough. 


Baby, what happened?
Please tell me, cause one second it was perfect,
and now you're half way out the door.


The door closed, without a single sound. I guess I had expected a big bang, but when I was standing alone in the hall. All that was surrounding me was silence. Deadly, deep cutting, silence. A silence that not only was in the room, also in my mind. My thoughts stood still, I couldn't think. All I could do was to stare at the closed door, that had closed just a second earlier. 
I saw myself from another persons eyes, from the outside. I saw myself standing on the cold floor, with hands hanging hopelessly by my sides. I saw myself staring at the door, with big lifeless eyes. I could even imagine seeing the little flame inside of my chest, burning out. And the stream of smoke from the no longer burning fire. Time didn't pass, it was like I was paralyzed by it. 





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