Passion '2 (15+)

"Remember when I promised to love you forever?"

"Yes?"

"Forever isn't over yet."

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45. Rollarcoaster talk

Emily's P.O.V:

 

I reached out for my phone on the nightstand, before it would wake up Zayn. I fast slid to answer, and put it close to my ear. "Hey it's Emily," I mumbled in a sleepy voice. The little clock on Zayn's nightstand showed 05:44am. Why would anyone call me at this time? I waited for an answer, but it never came. "Hello?" I mumbled. Still no answer. But someone was breathing into the phone. "Urgh... Seriusly?" I muttered, and was about to hang up, when a girly voice came on the line, "Em? Are you there?" She asked. "Yeah, I'm here. C?" I asked, and recognised the voice as Clara's. "Yeah, sorry.. The connection must be very bad, but hey, Now I finally got through!". "Haha, yeah.. But any important reason for waking me up at this time?" I said in a serious tone, that only was meant as a joke. "Sorry miss, but I have some news for you my dear," She pretended to talk in one of those tones that people talk in, in movies that are supposed to look old. Like Titanic, and Red Riding Hood, or whatever. "Bring it on, babe," I smiled, and glanced at Zayn. He was still sleeping. I lifted the duvet in my side, and sat up in the bed, while I swung my legs over the egde. "Okay, listen... I've found this beautiful dress, I mean it's amazing. Well, it's from LILLY," She stopped talking, and waited for my reaction. "LILLY? They have beautiful dresses! So what do you wanna say about this?" I could somehow tell where it was going, since the shop LILLY sold wedding dresses, and stuff like that. "Okay, well... Since you and Mr. Smith are getting married in - hopefully - not very long, I just wanted to ask what you would say to come over one weekend or week soon, and we could go on let's-find-the-perfect-dress-adventure," She sounded so excited, and just to the thought of it I felt excited as well. 
Looking for wedding dresses with my best friend, that was perfect. We could plan everything together, and I could visit my parents as well, they could help. And we could plan an engagement dinner, and the honeymoon, and everything.

Somehow I felt like this was the part where I was supposed to shout 'YES' really loudly, but when I looked back over my shoulder, my heart shrank, and I could feel myself getting cold feet.
"Maybe we should wait.. Just a little," I mumbled. "You don't sound happy?" She sighed.
"I am! It's an amazing idea, but I'll have to get things cleared first," I looked away from Zayn.
"Is it Zayn? Please don't say it Zayn. Seriously Em? What are you thinking of! I knew it, you're... Jesus, why can't you keep your hands to yourself? You can't be with Zayn! James is like... Your one and only! What are you gonna tell your parents?" She talked really fast, and sounded very frustrated  How she all of sudden made the things I had to 'get cleared', fit with being with Zayn surprised me. But maybe she knew me a bit too well. 
Maybe I couldn't hide things like that from her. "Listen... Emily, you are engaged, soon to be married. You'll have to clear your mind." She only said my full name when things were serious. "I know, okay? I know that this is fucked up! But I'm not really in control of my feelings anymore, they're running wild, leading me around, blindfolded."   
"Very well, but if you think about it... Then come on, all those memories with James, and all the memories with Zayn. You and Zayn were not even that happy, you were fucking complicated."
She had a point. Except from the fact that Zayn and I had been extremely happy. Yeah, we had been complicated, we were maybe not perfect any of us, maybe not perfect for each other either, but we had - or we could've - worked it out. 

Then it hit me... I missed screaming, fighting, kissing in the rain. I missed telling him to rot up in hell, but still not let him go. I missed sharing his cigarettes, and drinking too much. I missed all those fucked up emotions, and things we had done. I missed the mix between being treated like a princess, but still having the rollarcoaster ride to enjoy. I missed the love we shared. Our kind of love. 

"I've got to go," I whispered. "No, Em! You need to explain why!" Clara was getting pissed if I hung up, so I took a deep breath, and searched for the right words to say, but I couldn't find them, and ended up saying shit like I usually did. "C, there's nothing to explain! Yes, Zayn and I we were fucking messed up when we're together, but I loved it! I loved us, it was a fucking rollarcoaster ride, and I enjoyed it! I just miss someone who's not as perfect as... James, I mean... I do love James, to the moon and back. But... You know, even though perfection always have been what I've been searching for, I think that what's perfect for me is someone who's not perfect! I will figure this out, but it's not gonna be tonight! Zayn is... I don't know really. But I love Ja-" 

She cut me off, "And you love Zayn as well..." 
"No! I mean... I don't really know, he is... I..." I looked at him again, and swallowed. Maybe I did love him.
"I'm sorry Em. It's up to you, I just don't want you to come crawling to me - or well, yes I do, cause I'm here for you, but I just want to remind you that you've got a good thing going, with a good guy, and I'm not sure if you should throw all that away for a rollarcoaster ride. I don't think it's worth it," 

"I'll figure it out. But let's talk about it some other time, I think Zayn's awake." I mumbled. 
"Okay. Say hi from me," She said, and hung up. I sighed loudly, and threw myself back in the bed. Why did everything have to be complicated? It was like I messed everything I touched up. I glanced at Zayn, knowing that he was faking the fact that he was asleep, but I didn't wanna ask him. I somehow prayed that he actually was asleep. I pulled the duvet over me, and sighed loudly. "What was that about?" Zayn's voice surprised me, and I gasped loudly. He rolled around, so that he wasn't lying with the back against me anymore. "You were supposed to be sleeping," I muttered, and hid my face behind my hands, while groaning displeased. "But I wasn't... So tell me, what was that about?" I could feel his eyes burn into me, even though I couldn't see him. "Nothing," I muttered. 
"You call that nothing?" He didn't sound very happy with me, and I didn't understand why. "Yes, that was nothing!"
"You know you sat close enough for me to hear both of you." 
I spread my fingers a bit, and looked at him through the small spaces. What had I said that was wrong? Or could've pissed him off? 
"And?" I asked. His eyes met mine, and I fast closed my fingers again. "Why can't you even look at me?" He hissed. I removed my hands, and stared deadly at him, "I can! I'm just frustrated, and you don't make any of this better!" I almost yelled.
"I think you should take your things, and go to Denmark, where you can pick a perfect dress, and live a fucking fairytale," His words hit me hard, and surprised me just as much. But I didn't show. 
"Fine, Zayn. Whatever," I said, and sat up once again. I jumped out of bed, and grabbed some jeans from my bag. I squeezed myself down in the skintight black jeans, but kept my sweater on. I wasn't wearing bra, but didn't care. I knew Zayn was watching me. 
I didn't really care about leaving right now, he was being so unfair! Why had I even thought about ever being with Zayn again? I should go back to the little white house, where I had spent so much time with James the past half year, when we had decided to move in together. 
I closed the zipper to my bag, and marched out of the room. 
The floor in his flat was cold, but I didn't care. I marched out into the hall, and grabbed my shoes, slid down in them, and then I pulled on my coat. "Emily?!" I could hear Zayn shout, and then some running steps. In a few seconds he was standing in the hall. I pulled the handle down, and opened his front door. "Where do you think you're going?!" He yelled, and grabbed my hand, that was holding onto the handle. He pulled it away, and shut the door with a loud bang. 

"I'm doing what you told me! Getting the fuck out of here!" I yelled back. He pulled me close to him, and accidentally dropped my bag on the floor. "Let me g-" He interrupted me, by crashing his lips against mine. Every fibre of my body that had wanted to leave, all of sudden relaxed. My hands fell down by my sides. I kissed him back. The kiss turned more gentle, and then he pulled away. 
"Emily... I'm sorry. Please don't leave, I ca-" This time I interrupted him, by kissing him. I wrapped my arms around him neck, and pulled up on my tiptoes. His hands moved down to my waist, and pulled my body closer to his. 

Rollarcoasters can be full of surprises. 

 

 

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