Passion '2 (15+)

"Remember when I promised to love you forever?"


"Forever isn't over yet."


59. Explanation

Two hours passed, where Zayn was lying on the couch, trying to put his mind back together, as the boys cleaned his flat. The alcohol slowly left his system, and in not very long he was almost sober, and was able to understand and speak normally. But the more sober he've get, the more it would haunt his mind. While Harry threw some of the beer cans down in a big black plastic bag, Zayn's eyes watched him, every move. The wheels in his mind were turning, and his thoughts were so loud that he almost thought that Harry could hear it. He was going out of his mind, wondering why Harry knew it, before he did. It hadn't crossed his mind that what Harry had said might could be a lie. The spot between his eyebrows was wrinkled, and his eyes were squeezed slightly together. "Harry?" He mumbled, out of nowhere. Harry that still was picking beer cans up, turned his head, to look at his best friend. He nodded. "How did you find out about..." Zayn took a deep breath, "Her and James?".
Harry looked at his friend for a little too long, without saying anything. He didn't want to lie to Zayn, mostly cause he already was in such a bad condition, but maybe telling the truth would hurt more. He opened up his mouth, but couldn't lie, not in the situation he was in.
"Zayn, first of all, I need to know if you're sober," Harry said, which Zayn found weird. He wrinkled his forehead even more, but promised that he was sober. "Okay, and then promise that you won't interrupt me, or get mad..." When Harry said that, Zayn got scared, what could it be that was so bad? "I promise," Zayn mumbled, and pulled himself up in a sitting position, but still with his legs stretched out on the couch.
Harry sat down on the - cleaned - coffee table, and thought about how he should start out. "You must understand why I didn't tell you this before now. But now I do, even though I was told not to." 
Zayn's heart started to beat a little bit faster, by every word that Harry said, made it sound like he had been with Emily, and maybe he had. Maybe she had been sneaking around with Harry behind Zayn's and James' back. Maybe she was playing around with all of them, but Zayn didn't want to believe that. The Emily he loved was not like that, neither was she an angel, but to him she was pretty close to being perfect. He loved all of her flaws, even though she had a lot, and even though she did crazy things sometimes. He loved her. "When Em left you, it was because you scared her. She was so afraid that her life would come crashing down around her, so she did something that ended up hurting you, and she's aware of that. She hoped that you would deal with it in a better way, because it hurt her as well, but she tried to push it aside." Harry held a dramatic pause, to let the words sink into Zayn, then he started talking again,
"Well, she went back home, back to James. But when she got there, he... He knew about you two. Don't ask me how, neither does she know, but someone must have told him. He left her, and I know that her world fell into pieces at that moment, but she tried so hard to keep everything together, though the glue was fragile. She told herself that she wouldn't cry over something that she had messed up, so she numbed her feelings. - And you know that it always makes things worse in the end. That night she couldn't stand to sleep in their double bed, she didn't want to stay, so she called me up..." Again he held a pause, just so see how Zayn reacted, but he kept his forehead wrinkled. "She couldn't call you, that would be lame. So I of course said that she could come and stay for as long as she wanted, cause you know, she's... yeah. Anyway, she did, in less than three hours she was at my door, and she's been staying there ever since. Don't you think that she's fine, because she's really not. She told me all of this, but kept on saying that she was okay, but you know yourself that she's not hard to read. This have really kicked her hard, and she was going out of her mind when she found out about you, she just didn't want to come with me, afraid to do something wrong again," And then he was done, just waiting for Zayn's reaction, but a lot of seconds passed, where all Zayn did was to stare at Harry, that felt uncomfortable about Zayn's stare. 
"She's... at yours?" His voice was barely even a whisper. Harry nodded. Zayn just shook his head, not in a way of saying no, but because he found it hard to understand and believe in that case. He didn't know what to do, or how to feel. "Is she going to be okay?" Was all that Zayn actually worried about, right now his stupid heartache could wait. She was always his first choice. Harry shrugged his shoulders and said, "Not right now, maybe when her life is starting to go back to normal..." 
Zayn swallowed, and shut his eyes slowly. "I think I should get some fresh air," He mumbled, without opening his eyes. "Yeah, probably," Harry said "But maybe you should fix your hair before you go,". Zayn opened up his eyes, and looked confused at Harry, "The... Magazines, if they caught you... You know, looking like that." He tried to sound nice, but it was hard, when what he was saying wasn't nice. Zayn understood and nodded.


Emily had decided to take a cap to the water, a little isolated place, where Harry said that the boys came sometimes. It was a nice place, quiet, small and perfect for her mood. Not many people came by, only a few, but they didn't take notice of her. People could see her from the boats on the water, and the other side of the river, but she still felt like no one could see her. She climbed up on the stone 'wall' that kept the river away from the land. She sat with her legs kicking back and forth, over the water. It was black, with a slight greenish colour. It was freezing, but she hadn't closed her coat. Her hands were lying in her lap, while her eyes were watching the mall waves in the almost still water. 


He stepped out of the cap, and tried to hide his face under a hood, while he walked into a little path, that leaded to the place he usually went with the boys, or alone, when he was thinking. The path was leading to the river that was floating through London, but a little place, where ladies walked with their kids, and men sometimes grabbed a couple of beers. That was where he was going, just to free his mind for a moment. As he was dragging his feet, while having his hands dug deep down in his pockets, trying to hide them away from the cold weather, his eyes stopped at someone, that sat where he had been planning to sit. At first he felt mad, and wanted to turn around and march home, only because everything was against him at the moment, but he decided just to go and sit by the girls side.
Cause something made him convinced about that it was the right thing to do...


There by the riverside, I try hard not to fall apart. 

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