Passion '2 (15+)

"Remember when I promised to love you forever?"


"Forever isn't over yet."


53. Can't stay

Emily's P.O.V:


The same night I was standing alone in our room. A lot of our stuff was gone, I had given it to him. At least I owed him that much. He just didn't want the bed, he said that it brought to many memories back to him, but that's exactly why I wanted it. I was surprised not to be in shock, it was not like I wasn't aware of what had happened. Still it hurt me. It hurt me so much that I wanted to cry for hours, until I felt empty enough to go to sleep. 


The smell of your skin lingers on me now. 

You're probably on your train back to your hometown. 


The bed was standing all alone up against the wall. Even the carpet was gone. Only the closet and the bed was still here. I was letting my eyes run over the white exposed walls. It felt all too big, and all too empty. I had to get rid of it. I had to get away from here, and it had to be soon. 


I hope you know, 

it had nothing to do with you.

It was personal, 

myself and I had some straightening out to do.


But I had nowhere to run, I had no where to stay. Maybe I could sleep at the pub tonight, but that was still a part of James and I. So I wouldn't be able to stay there either. Maybe I could just set fire to the house, and burn it along with our memories? But where would I stay? And what about the pigs, and the horses. This was my life, I couldn't just give up on it. But it had been clear that it was over, when James left. There was no going back to finding what we used to have.


And I'm gonna miss you,

like a child misses their blanket.

But I've got to get moving on with my life. 


I wrapped my arms around my body, in a hopeless try to keep myself together. And in a desperate try to imagine James arms around me. I just wanted to feel safe, and loved. By him. He was the only person that I wanted to hold right now, but I had messed up. I had lost the one thing that meant the world to me. I was not okay, but I was not gonna cry about it either. 


It's time to be a big girl now,

and big girls don't cry. 


I had to sell this, everything. But it would be harder than anything else. And where would I live? I couldn't afford a place like this, not without James. Of course I could borrow some money from the bank. I just had to quit my job as well, and get a new one. It was unbelievable how much could change in so sort time. I didn't know anywhere I could stay, except from my friends places, but that was hours away, or in this town. I wouldn't stay here. I could get a little apartment in London, if I was very lucky. But when I didn't want to stay here, while I was waiting to move out. I had to find a place to stay meanwhile. The only person I knew in London, was... Zayn. I wouldn't dare to call him. That would be the lamest thing I could do.


The path that I'm walking, 

I must go alone. 


What about... Harry? Harry! Of course. He was not Zayn, I could ask him not to tell Zayn. I could stay with Harry, if he wanted me to. I decided to give it a try. 


I must take my baby steps, 

until I'm full grown. 


I dialed Harry's number, as I stared at the bed. While it kept on saying 'beeb' noises, I pictured everything that had happened in that bed. From the breakfasts, to the talks, to the sex, to the dinners, to the life we shared. I swallowed hard, and even harder when it went on voicemail. 
"Hi Harry. I need you to call me back. Emily," I fast said, and hung up. Maybe my plan hadn't been that good after all. Maybe nothing I did was good. Maybe I was one big mess. I fucked everything up.


Fairytales don't always have a happy ending,

do they? 


I was about to throw my phone in the messy bed, when my ringtone blew up, and Harry's name came up on the display. All of sudden I felt nervous. What was I gonna say? 'Hey, the love of my life just left me because I had been fucking around with your bestfriend behind his back. I need a place to stay, because I don't wanna stay here. Can I stay at yours? And please don't tell Zayn,' 

No... No I couldn't say that. What should I say? I hesitated, but then I finally answered - without having a clue about what to do.  


I foresee the dark ahead,

if I stay. 







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