Passion '2 (15+)

"Remember when I promised to love you forever?"


"Forever isn't over yet."


49. Call me

Later that night I was walking a little around, searching through his room, to find something interesting  Maybe a book that I could read. Maybe some funny pictures. His desk was filled with papers, over written with text. Maybe song lyrics, or idea's to songs. I looked a little around in them, and flipped a few pages, when a paper, with only one short sentence, was lying on the desk. I pushed the song papers aside, and let my eyes wander over the pretty handwriting. The words were simple; Call me. 
And the number underneath the text wasn't hard to read. First nothing came into my mind, I had just read it. It was just some black text on a white paper... But the longer I looked at it, the clearer it got. Someone had been here, in his room. I turned my head, and stared at the bed. In his bed. I didn't know how to place the feeling, but it wasn't a great feeling. I looked around in the room, feeling like I all of sudden just played a role or a scene in his play. I put the paper up to my nose, and the smell of a girls perfume was sill lingering on it. 
I felt like the heavy stone that build in my tummy was wrong, because after all I was the one cheating here, but not on Zayn. With Zayn. I just felt like... I don't know. I actually felt betrayed, even though I didn't know if I was. At that moment my head was spinning, and trying to figure out if I should cry, get mad or ignore it, was hard. 

Call me. The sound of a pretty voice echoed in my head. Had he called her? If he had or not, I knew that she had been here. She had been standing where I stood. I took a step back, still with the paper in my hand. The feeling of knowing that in the past month I wasn't the only girl who had been here, was hard to bear. I took a few steps back again, and closed my fist hard around the paper, till' it curled together to a little ball. I took a deep breath, and then my confusion got replaced with anger. I was pissed off. - Maybe cause I felt hurt. But I'd rather admit to myself that it made me mad, than it hurt me. I span around, and hurried out of the room. My head was pounding, not in the headache way, but I could feel the blood pounding in it. I almost ran out into the kitchen, where I knew I could find him. Where I knew he would be standing, with his iPad on the kitchen counter, and his eyes glued to the screen. When I appeared in the door, he looked up from the iPad, and smiled at me. "Hey, found something interesting?" He joked, and ended his sentence with a little wink. I opened my mouth to say something, something that would sound cold, and hit him hard, but I couldn't find the courage to speak. I just opened my mouth, like a hungry little bird, that was waiting to get fed.
No words escaped my mouth, and I closed it again, not to look stupid. I wanted to look strong. "What's up?" His voice all of sudden seemed a lot less powerful, and he leaned his head a bit to the side, while watching me. I opened my fist, and unfolded the paper. "What's that?" He asked, but I could tell that he knew. His voice was low now, almost a whisper, and he avoided my eye contact.
"Come and look," I was surprised by my own strength to speak. I was almost snapping at him. He didn't move, he just stared at the paper in my hands. "It's not what it seems," He started out. Like everyone started out. Why did people always say that? How was it then?
"I don't care, Zayn. I just wanna know why?" I stared right at him, hoping that he soon would be man enough to look me in the eyes. But he didn't. He kept his eyes on the paper. 

"It's nothing, I was drunk and.. Wait," He all of sudden turned to look up at me, until our eyes met.

"How dare you to be mad at me?" His voice turned from low, to loud and strong again.

"Because I am risking everything right now, to be with you! Everything!" I raised my voice.

"It can mean that much if you're with me. He can't mean that much," Zayn's way of sounding sure about everything he said, pissed me even more off. 

"He means more than you ever will!" How on earth I managed to say that, was hard to tell. But I did, and by Zayn's face expression, I knew I had hit him hard. With those words, I turned around, and marched out of the room. I turned to the left, down to the hall, where the bathroom and his room was. When I was about to open up the door into his room, I could feel his rough hand on my shoulder. 
I froze, and didn't move my hand that was lying on the handle. I angrily pushed his hand of me, and turned around, so that my back was against the wall, just beside the closed door to his room. I was facing him. And that meant looking up at him. He stood really close. I tried to sneak away, but he was faster than me, and grabbed my wrist on my left hand, and pushed my hand up over my head, while slamming it against the wall. He grabbed the other wrist as well, and held both of my wrists above my head, in one of his big hands. Zayn's eyes didn't seem that nice anymore, but I didn't care. 
I knew him. I had seen him angry, and he had only scared me for real, one time. When he had been drunk. That had been six years ago. 

"Will you please let me go?" I asked, and tried to sound as polite as possible. Knowing that it annoyed him. "If you take back what you said before," He hissed, and moved his face down, closer to my face. I shook my head, "I'm not gonna lie".

I sounded way stronger than I seemed. I felt trapped. Against the wall and him. He was a lot stronger than me, and if he wanted to, he could hurt me in any way, and I wouldn't have a chance to fight him back. But he would never do that. No matter how much I pissed him off, he would never hit me.
I could hear him bite hard together, and his lips got pressed together to a thin and hard line.  

A superior smile grew on my lips... 

He took a step closer to me, so that the space between our bodies got filled out. I could feel his breath on my face. His breathing was heavy and slow. "You really love to make me hate you," He snapped. "You bet I do," I said, and blew him a kiss, without my hand, cause both of my hands were still held over my head.  "Can't we just talk about this?" He didn't sound like he was in the mood for it, but he would probably rather talk about it, than to fight about it. But I was craving some more right now. I was too mad at him, to turn back now. "I'm sorry, but no," I could see the confusion spread across his face, and when I kicked him with my knee in the place just above his crotch. He wailed out in pain, and let go of my wrists. I saw my chance, grabbed the handle of the door and escaped into his bedroom. I knew that he would follow me, and he did, in less than three seconds, he was standing on the floor, with his hands on his crotch, even though that wasn't where I had kicked him. "What was that for?" He snapped, and wailed a little again. "For you acting like you did," I said, and took a few steps backwards. "Me?!" He yelled, and took some steps closer to me. Soon my legs hit the bed, and I couldn't walk any further. "You," I said, with a cold voice. 


You and I go hard at each other,

like we're going to war. 


He took the last few steps, and stood close to me again. "What the fuck did I do?" He snapped. His eyes were darker than usually. They were that when he was turned on, or angry. "You hooked up with someone else," I snapped back, and could feel the stone in my tummy become heavier, when I said it out loud.


You and I go rough

We keep throwing things,

and slamming the door. 


"And why does it bother you?! You sleep with someone else every week!"

He was right. I did. But it wasn't the same. I was risking so much every time I came and saw Zayn, and it was like he didn't even notice that. I didn't know what to say, so I ended up saying some stupid shit, that only I would've said; "At least he's better than you!" I shouted. 


You and I get sick. 

I know that we can't do this no more. 


I could feel his emotions as I said it, and it even shocked me that I said it. Maybe that had been a little bit too harsh? A bit too personal? A bit too mean? But I couldn't think more about it, cause I stumbled backwards, and hit the mattress hard. Thank god that it was a soft mattress. I winked a few times, and looked up. Had Zayn just pushed me?


But baby there you go again,

there you go again, 

making me love you. 


"What the fuck?" I yelled, and was about to sit up, when he pressed me back down on my back. "He's better?" Zayn sounded seriously pissed now, and I could almost hear the blood running through his veins.  


I stopped using my head, 

let it all go. 


The sudden rage that came from Zayn made everything around me freeze. Even my heart stopped beating for a second. It was long time ago since I had seen him like this. Not that it scared me... It just surprised me. He was so nice, and sweet. But when he was angry, he was really angry. 


Got you stuck on my body,

like a tattoo. 


I swallowed hard, and met his eyes. "A lot," I whispered, knowing what it would lead to. 
I knew what I was doing, and what I wanted. 


Now I'm feeling stupid,

crawling back to you. 


Zayn's eyes turned a bit less harder. And he just nodded his head, "Okay..." He whispered, and took a step back. He reached a hand out for me, so that he could help me up. 
"What?" I asked, with wide opened eyes. "What?" Zayn wrinkled his forehead. "What are you doing?" I sounded a bit frustrated, and I was. "Accepting it," He mumbled, and shrugged his shoulders, in a way of acting like it didn't hurt him. But I knew it did. "You are supposed to... I.." I didn't know what to say. It would sound so weird, but he wasn't supposed to just give up like that. "Supposed to what?" He really sounded confused. "Prove me wrong!" I sighed.
"Prove you wrong?" He repeated. I just nod. "That's just weird," He mumbled, and scratched his neck with his hand. "Urgh... What happened to you?" I muttered. "I just don't wanna hurt you," His voice sounded too nice, and I found it hard to recognise him. "But you won't! You've never hurt me... Physically," I said, and let my eyes wander over his face. "You seriously want me to prove you wrong?" He asked, and a wry little smile appeared in the corner of his lip. "Yes I do!" I insisted. 
"Oh well, oh well," He mumbled, and I threw my head back down on the mattress with a sigh of relief. "Let's see what I can do about that..." His smile was nice, loved up. The roughness had faded from his eyes, in just a split second, but this was gonna be good. Good, slow and careful. 


Again I'm feeling stupid,

crawling back to you. 



// OOBS: Sorry this chapter sucks. But I'm going on a little holiday tomorrow morning, and felt like I had to write before I left, so that you wouldn't have to wait that long. I won't upload for a few days. 
I'm sorry if the next chapters are gonna suck - like this chapter - but I just need to get to the place where I know what I want to happen. 

Sorry for the shitty chapter. Hope you'll survive though.

Anyway, gotta go now. It's about 15 minutes past midnight, and I need to get up early in the morning, since I haven't packed any of my stuff yet. I'm good at waiting until the last minute -.-But I'll be back sunday, not sure if I'll upload there, but I'll try. 

Mwaaaah :) xx

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