Passion '2 (15+)

"Remember when I promised to love you forever?"


"Forever isn't over yet."


91. An upcoming New Yorker?

Emily's P.O.V:

As the tour came closer, I started to realise how nervous and scared I was to watch him leave. I realised that I was so scared to be without him, because right now everything was meant to be broken but he somehow held the pieces together, and I feared that it'd hurt too much to bear to be without him for so long when all I wanted was to be close to him. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to handle the distance, because I'd never been good with long distance relationships. I tried to tell myself that it only was a tour and that soon he would be with me again, but then I tried to imagine waking up alone in my tiny apartment for six months, without his touch or without him to calm me down when I felt like nothing was working out right. 

I was afraid not to know wether the distance would bring us closer or rip us apart.

Zayn was used to it and he would be able to keep himself busy, but I on the other hand was far from used to it... And I knew that I wouldn't be good at keeping myself busy, at least not in London. When I saw London, I saw Zayn and I saw the other boys. I had somehow connected them to the city and therefore I would find it hard to be here when Zayn and the others would be in the states touring. He had told me many times that he wished that I could come with him, but being on the run 24/7 was not a thing that he meant I should experience. He had explained how exhausting it was, and though he loved it... It was hard. He meant that I should settle down and focus on my carrier, that he meant was going to be my writing, but ever since Dean Lockwood had moved to New York I wasn't quite sure anymore. The thought of moving to New York - for maybe just a year - seemed like a great opportunity, but there was always something that held me back from thanking yes to New York. A little fear in the back of my mind. A fear that I maybe wouldn't find anywhere to belong in New York. I wanted to belong somewhere, and lately I felt like I belonged with Zayn... And Zayn belonged in London or at least England. But if I belonged there was a question I couldn't find an answer to. 

Clara was also going to be in Copenhagen, because of her dancing university, and Copenhagen was a lot closer to London than to New York. Even my family was going to be in Denmark and different parts of Sweden, and if I decided to travel to New York the distance would get bigger and I wouldn't be able to visit them half as much as I wanted to. 

Zayn had found the letter from Dean Lockwood a few days after I had met up with James, and at first he seemed slightly pissed that I hadn't told him. He seemed to second guess why I hadn't, and I had been forced to tell him that the only reason I hadn't was because I wasn't sure myself wether I wanted to go or wanted to stay. He had understood and had decided that we should talk about it, but I wasn't much for doing that and had avoided the topic. Even now, some days later he hadn't let go of the topic. He still brought it up every now and then. 




"Babe, I really think that you should go... It's a great opportunity for you! Maybe it could be the start of your own successful carrier?" Zayn said as we were lying on the couch, with the TV as background noise and I had my eyes glued to the pages of a book that I had found in one of Zayn's old drawers. 

I ignored him and kept on scanning the words, trying to focus on the book and not on the half naked Zayn that had his arms wrapped around me. I was lying between his legs, on my back with my head resting on his naked chest. We had a thick blanket over our legs to keep us warm. Zayn apartment was usually warm, but in the winter I was feeling cold so easily and there was not a lot nicer things than a thick warm blanket, my boyfriend and a book. 

"C'mon, don't pretend like you can't hear me. We have to discuss this sooner or later," Zayn kept on talking, hoping that I soon wouldn't be able to keep my focus on the book. A sigh left his lips as he realised that I wasn't going to answer him. He moved up in a more sitting position, causing me to glide further down his body and end up lying uncomfortably between his legs. 

I cursed under my breath, and then I scoffed myself up in his arms once again... But this time I wasn't lying in his arms, I was sitting and it was not a position I would be able to read it, so as he had hoped I'd do, I put my book down on the coffee table and let my head fall back on his shoulder with a sigh. "Fine, then talk," I muttered and a smirk appeared on his lips.  

"I think that New York would be great for you. I mean, you've always loved New York - right?"

I nodded. 

"And therefore I don't see why you shouldn't go. You could start your own carrier as an author and you could start writing best selling books, I know you could!" He almost sounded excited, like he somehow knew that it was going to happen, but I doubted it. I always doubted everything I did, and my own talent. If you asked me I wasn't good at anything special, I was good enough at most things, but never really gifted or really good. A lot of people had told me that I was the one stopping myself from becoming successful, and maybe they were right... But if I didn't have the guts to start, maybe I wasn't ready. 

"I don't know," Was all I managed to mumble. He looked down at me, making eye contact. My forehead was slightly wrinkled and my facial expression looked like a mixture of sad, worried and thoughtful. He studied me for a few seconds, and then he asked "What is that stops you?" 

He took me by surprise by asking. I blinked a few times in surprise and then I started thinking it through. I wasn't going to tell Zayn everything I was thinking, but I could give him one or maybe two of the reasons why I didn't feel quite ready to move.

"First of all, I don't know if I'll be able to make any friends or if I'll fit in... I don't want to be alone while I live in New Yo-"

"Oh, babe. You are probably the person I know who is best at making new friends, that won't be a problem. I can assure you that you won't be lonely in New York city, no matter what happens. It will be impossible for you," He sent me a calming warm smile, and wrapped his arms a bit tighter around me, "Anything else?"

The next thing I was going to say was something I wasn't quite sure if would be a good thing to admit, or would be a bad thing to admit. It was something that took a lot of courage for me to tell him. 

"Then I'm not sure... If... You know. If I'd be able to..." I held a pause and took a deep breath. He waited patiently for me to start again. "To be without you, now that I'm used to be with you." 

His smile faded and he looked a little more serious, "Don't worry, love. You can be there while I'm on tour, we'll work it out." With those words he pressed his lips gently against my forehead and mumbled, "I know that you're not half as used to this as I am, but you've just got remember that it depends on how much you are willing to fight for it, that's what makes it work." 

I nodded slightly, and closed my eyes. He lifted his face away from mine, and said, "I still think that New York is where you will start your own self-controlled life. Where you will be able to look back and say, I did it! No one else, but me." 

I nodded again, "Thanks for believing in me." 



//OOBS: This chapter is probably a bit boring, since nothing special happened - and since it's 1am and I just came home from Justin Bieber's concert - he did a great job btw. I must say that I was impressed and he is a good looking and talented dude, I'll have to give him credit for that. What I fancy a lot about him is that he is such a great dancer, and manages to dance and sing on stage - that is pretty good. About concerts, I went to Lana Del Rey's the other weekend and she was really good as well! She's a great singer, but her show is not close to being like Justin's. She is very slow and there's no much going on on the stage, except from her singing, though it fit her style and I liked it! And in May I am going to One Direction's concert, I'm pretty excited and nervous!! Oh sorry, back to the story...

I must say that one of the reasons that the next few chapters maybe will end up with a lot of explaining, like in the beginning this chapter.... Is because... I am currently working on Passion 3! Surprise!! 
I don't want this ''book'' to reach 100+ chapters, since that's a lot so I decided to make a Passion 3!
Passion 3 will be different from this one, and Harry and Clara will hopefully play even bigger roles, while I don't plan on making James that important. It will (as far as I've planned) be about the boys tour in the states. I won't spoil to much, but this far I am quite excited myself to write the story. 
Btw. Thanks for all your lovely comment, it means so much to me! I'm happy that you even take time to read what I write, it's unbelievable. Thank you so much! 

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