Angel

When you have lost all the persons you can trust.
When the loss have changed your whole world and leaved you with a big black hole in your chest.
When it has leaved you as another person.
Then you find out how little life is worth.

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4. The end

I suddenly heard voices in the quiet night. I looked around and saw the silhouette of two people walking towards me. I could only hear their voices, not the words, and their faces were covered in shadows. But I could see that they hold each other’s hands as they stepped on the bridge. A young couple enjoying a romantic walk together, I guessed.

The couple hadn’t seen me yet. I stood still in the shadows and looked at them. They stopped the walking, and stood looking out the water with their back to me. I listened to their voices. The young boy’s voice reminded me of something. Carefully I moved closer, they still hadn’t seen me.

I could see the girl’s slim figure, and long blond hair. The boy had an arm around her. His broad shoulders and curly dark hair reminded me of someone. Someone I knew very well.  

“What a beautiful night” The girl said with a soft, dreaming voice.

“Wonderful, but as long as I’m with you everything seems wonderful.” My boyfriend said, just before he kissed the girl by his side.

 Nothing can describe the feeling I had. The broken heart I supposed to have, was replaced by a big black hole, full of pure anger. I had no grief, no sorrow, no love. I only had anger. It was the only feeling left in me. And now it was stronger than ever before.

I didn’t think. I didn’t feel. My whole body was filled with anger, and there were no more room for other feelings or thoughts. The anger had control over me.

I grab his arm, and he turned around. He looked into my eyes, surprised. Then I pushed him. I pushed him backwards with all my force. The anger gave me a strength I never had before. He fell backwards into the river. Into the deep black water. I saw the look in his eyes as he fell. His big brown eyes were full of fear. Fear for me. Then I couldn’t see his eyes anymore. Soon I couldn’t even see his body. He was gone in the big black water.

The girl screamed terrified, watching him fall. But the scream was only a silent noice in my ear.

It didn’t matter to me. Nothing mattered to me. The anger was gone as suddenly as it came.  I felt nothing. Only the big black hole in my chest. It was now an empty hole.

It was at that point I realized that there was no meaning with anything. No meaning with love, with family, or friends. No meaning with life.

I stepped up on the low railing. Closed my eyes. And jumped. Jumped into the dark. I fell. Fell and fell and fell. Felt like it would never end. Felt free.

“If you fall in that river there is no way back, only the fall is enough to kill you.”

And then I hid the water.

 

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