When you have lost all the persons you can trust.
When the loss have changed your whole world and leaved you with a big black hole in your chest.
When it has leaved you as another person.
Then you find out how little life is worth.


3. The bridge

I had lost almost all the persons that once were a part of my life. And a few days later I lost the last person in my life, the last person I could trust.

I came home from school as usual, and found my father in the kitchen. But he wasn’t alone, waiting for me as usual. He was together with a tall blond woman in skintight jeans and high heeled shoes.

I don’t think they expected me that early cause they were quite busy by sitting on one chair, kissing and hugging each other.

My dad tried to explain. He told me Sharon was a nice lady, who got divorced to her husband last year, and now was as lonely as he was. He told me they had both had another love in their life, but now they both needed a new.

I did not hear all my father’s words. I didn’t want to hear them. It was all a lie. My father didn’t need a new love. He didn’t need to replace my mother.

Once again I felt the anger. The huge anger, that made my whole body shiver. I turned around and ran out of the house before my father was even finish talking.

I just ran and ran, further and further away. Didn’t know where my feet took me.

When I couldn’t run anymore, I slowed down. But I didn’t go back. I just started to walk pointless around.

I made a promise to myself. I swore to myself that I would never go back to my father’s house again. And that promise I was going to keep.


 I don’t know how long time I walked around. Pretty long time I think, cause soon it started to get dark. The early twilight started to cover the houses and shops around the neighborhood. The naked trees were only dark shadows, and the wind was getting cooler.

The streets were empty and quiet. The only noise was the wind blowing some leafs away on the sidewalk. And of course the usual sound of cars driving on the highway a while from here.

 I stopped and looked around. I thought I knew this place. I walked slowly around the next corner and saw a big bridge crossing a huge river. I started walking on the bridge, had a feeling that I should recognize this place. The railing was very low; it was so easy to fall if you walked too close to the flowing water. I looked into the deep black river. It was more than ten meters under the bridge.

I suddenly remembered why I knew this bridge. I had walked here before. Together with my mother, when I was only five years old. It was a warm day in the spring, and the sun was shining. We crossed the bridge and my mother tried to hold my hand. I stepped away from her, thought I was too old to hold my mother’s hand. I walked very close to the railing and shouted I could walk by myself. My mother got angry. She took me in the arm and shouted that on this bridge she didn’t want me to walk alone.

“It is very dangerous!” she said seriously. “On time a little boy was pushed in the river, when some kids were playing on the bridge, he died immediately. If you fall in that river, there is no way back, only the fall is enough to kill you!”

I looked into my mother’s eyes and saw her seriousness, and then I took her hand.


It is many years ago now, but I still remember that look in my mother’s eyes, and her voice full of seriousness and fear. 

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