Finding Theo First Draft

This was what Finding Theo was meant to be, that's right, a comedy! It might sound strange, but it's true. I hope you enjoy this little first draft!

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1. Saucepans Are Not Weapons!

 

Uh. Monday morning already. “Alright, alright, I’m coming!” I yelled down the stairs at my Mum. I ran a hand through my dyed hair. Yuck, Barbie Blonde, what was I thinking? Oh well. I pulled it back with a scrunchie, and then set to work on make up. Natural look today? Yep. Only foundation, eyeliner, lip-gloss and mascara. Oh, and powder. Don’t want to look shiny.

“Bella, honey, you’re going to be late!”

“Hang on! I’m just putting on my make up!”

“You don’t need make up darling, you’re beautiful already!”

“No I’m not!”

Same conversation every morning. What do mums know about looking pretty? Zilch. All they know is how to nag and moan and sigh and strop.

“Come on, Bells, this is ridiculous!”

“2 minutes, okay?”

“Natalie needs to be at school in 5 minutes!”

I took one last look in the mirror, grabbed my bag and phone and zipped downstairs. Literally, zipped, but mum didn’t think so.

“What have you been doing all that time?”

“Getting ready for school, if that’s all right with you.”

“No, you haven’t.”

“Yes I have.”

“What’s all that then?”

“What?”

“On your face?”

“My eyes.”

“Don’t be stupid Bella, You know what I mean.”

“Oh… You mean my nose.”

“MUUUUUMMMMMMYYYYYY!”

Argument broken by my little sister, Libby. “I WWWAAAAANNNNNTTTTT BBBBIIIICCC BBBBIIIICCCSS!”

“Libby, sweetie, you can’t have biscuits for breakfast. What about some nice muesli?”

“Wabbit food.”

“Libbs, stop being so silly. Jamie, you feed her please.”

Jamie, my sixteen-year-old brother, is on study leave. In other words, an excuse for teenagers to sit on their bums all day, except every now and again to peer at a textbook. Jamie is fantastic at sitting on his bum all day doing nothing. He’d get an A* in that. Another thing he’s good at is grunting. If someone asks him something, or tries to talk to him, or communicate it’s always a grunt for an answer. People say that I will get to that stage in a couple of years. That is highly unlikely.

“Jamie, come back here, please.”

“Uh-Nuh, Huh Duh-Luh.”      

“Pardon?”

“Nuh-Uh, Puh Huh.”

“Jamie, please feed your sister.”

“No.”

That is one word in the English language Jamie can say. No.

“Jamie! Come back here this minute!”

At this point Jamie has sloped off to his hibernating head quarters (his bedroom) to hibernate (sleep).

“MMMUUUUUMMMM! Libby is throwing muesli at me!”

“Stop it, Libby!”

“Ha ha, Wabbit!”

“LIBBY!”

While Mum has run off to deal with my other mentally deranged siblings, this would be a good time to slope off.

“Take dat, Wabbit face!”

“Libby! Saucepans are not weapons!”

Ahh. Peace at last. Shutting the gate, walking down the road, wind in my hair, not a cloud in the sky…

“Bella!”

Oh crap.

“Where do you think you’re going madam?”

“School.”

“Get in this car this minute, you are already 15 minutes late. Just tell your teachers you had…Erm… A dentist appointment!”

“I have already used that excuse 3 times in the last couple of weeks, mum.”

“Well I don’t know, do I?”

“MMMMUUUUUMMM?”

“Yes, Mattie.”

“How late am I?”

“I don’t know, Matt!”

“Don’t get cross!”

“I AM NOT CROSS!”

My little brother, Mattie, has Aspergers Syndrome. He is incredibly sweet, and probably the least irritating of all my family but still, it gets quite annoying when he has to make lists for EVERYTHING, and always be in plenty of time for everything he does.

“Have you remembered my…”

“No Natalie, I haven’t.”

“Why aren’t you cross with nutty Natalie?”

Elliot, Mattie’s twin, is probably the MOST annoying. You’d think that hanging out with Mattie all the time would knock some sense into him but no, no such luck. Although Elliot, Mattie and Natalie are of similar ages, they don’t get along at all. Natalie is more of the goody-goody type, going to a posh all-girls private school and an all-round music know-it-all and Elliot stumbles through life at the crappy down-the-roadish school next to Chevam Park.

“Don’t call Natalie nutty!”

“You love her more than me!”

“MMMMUUUUUUUUMMMM!!!”

“WHAT BELLA?”

“You’ve left Libby is the house!”

 

Don’t get me wrong. I love my family. I suppose I’d love them a bit more if they were a bit…You know…Less like they are now?

Ok, I’ll start with Mum. She’s probably that typical, strict, ‘I buy organic clothes pegs’ type mum who can get on anyone’s nerves. Especially dads. Him and mum split up when Natalie was born, so as you can imagine Jamie and me were used to having him round a lot. After a while Mum got a new boyfriend called Rusty, and that wasn’t so good. Rusty was all right, giving us sweets the whole time and talking to Jamie and me about football and T.V and all the usual stuff that Dads do. What wasn’t so great was Rusty’s kids. 

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