Why I love you

My obsession with FRERARD (MCR) now continues with fanfiction :)
Warning on explicit material.


11. What would a good brother do?

Gerard’s POV

“Ew, you guys kissed!”

Alisha’s laugh echoed around the den, she was literally rolling on the floor laughing. Bob and Ray were giggling, while I looked on, embarrassed and red faced.

“Why did you have to tell her?” Mikey asked exasperated, staring at the two other guys, anger behind his eyes. Bob looked at the floor but Ray kept eye contact staring Mikey down. I was surprised when Mikey slumped back down to the ground from where he had risen and blushed under Ray’s gaze.

“Oh my god, Mikes!” Alisha spoke suddenly, her laughter stopped by her serious face.

“That wasn’t your first kiss with a guy was it?”

I stiffened. I hadn’t even thought about that! That’s gross, if I was his first! And how horrible for Mikes! Mikey just carried on looking at the floor. I was visibly shaken.

“Jesus, Mikey. I’m so sor…” I started before Ray raised a hand to me. He walked over to Mikey and crouched in front of him. Mikey raised his head, tears in his eyes.

“Now is a good a time as any, huh?” Ray whispered just loud enough for me to hear from my seat next to Mikey.

“I can’t,” the whisper made my heart bleed for my brother. What had been going on with Ray and Mikey. I realised everyone was staring at the two of them as they whispered to each other and I tried to hide Mikey behind me as I turned towards them both. Neither reacted to me nudging closer.

“You have to!” The fierce voice made Mikey flinch and I wanted to hit Ray away, hug Mikey close to me. But I didn’t  know what was wrong with my own brother, I couldn’t help him. He hadn’t come to me therefore I couldn’t help. I wasn’t my fault. But as his brother his problems were mine. If he didn’t know that then maybe I had to show him I cared. I should escort him out of here, find a quiet place and let him cry the tears that he was trying to blink away.

“I can’t do it to Gee.”

I froze. My head was facing the wall and I didn’t attempt to move it to see if they were looking at me. Bob and Alisha were attempting to have a conversation but the room was still quiet enough for me to have heard them. Maybe Mikey didn’t care if I heard. Maybe Ray didn’t either. Why should I care? Because he was trying to protect me? And I was supposed to protect him. He was my little brother, I didn’t need protecting, not anymore. Not now I had friends and as long as I had them thinking about Frank didn’t hurt as much. Sure it did in the morning and before I fell asleep. Whenever I flipped through my sketch book and saw an old picture of him smiling back at me. When I saw him in lesson, silent and alone still not talking  to anyone. Except Mikey. And I realised that I had never really thanked Mikey for that. For trying to protect Frank, the way I did, as his boyfriend. The way I had.

A ringtone silenced the den again. Bob and Alisha stopped pretending to have their conversation and turned to face Mikey who reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. He turned to Ray, muttering something to him before turning to leave.

“Mikey, what’s up?” My voice didn’t even make him pause and he continued walking, leaving me with an image of his back. I looked to Ray, my eyes begging. The tears had just started to fall from Mikey’s eyes as he had left and I could feel my eyes welling up as I realised there really was nothing I could do to help him. Not that he wanted my help. Mikey and Frank. The two people I had failed in life so far. And God knew they wouldn’t be the last. Ray just shrugged at me before sitting back down next to Bob, their hands clasping.

“You have to tell me what’s wrong with him, Ray?”

I didn’t care that Bob and Alisha were right there. I had to know, I had to protect Mikey from whatever was hurting him. 

‘I can’t do it to Gee.’ What had he meant by that? Was it something to do with him being gay? With his new boyfriend? Was he being bullied? I just didn’t know.

“He has to tell you himself, Gerard. I’m sorry.”

Ray raised his hand to signify that the conversation was over. I sighed and hugged myself into a ball wondering what to do. What would a good brother do? Go after him? Or would that annoy him? I could text him. But would that just frustrate him? He hadn’t told me what the problem was because he didn’t want to hurt me so maybe I should just stop sticking my nose in and ask him about it at home later. Yes, that’s what I would do. But for now I was with my friends and I would focus on them instead.

“So …” Alisha began unsure what to say to fill the silence that had fallen.

A few minutes passed before she gestured to Ray and Bob’s clasped hands.

“You’re together now right?”

I smiled at her stupidity. Or maybe she had just been trying to start a conversation. Either way the quiet was ruined.

“Well, we…” Bob spoke.

“We hadn’t really…” Ray began.

“Talked about it…” Bob carried on.

“Yet?” Ray finished, letting the question hover.

“Well talk about it now! We need to fill the awkward silence Mikey left!”

“Nice, Alisha,” I muttered, rolling my eyes. So much for trying to be discreet or giving Mikey his privacy!


Bob tutted at her and Ray rolled his eyes copying me.

“What!?” Alisha turned to them.

Her voice had started to screech and the voice reminded me of a strangled cat. I started to giggle lightly and as the other guys joined in, my laughter expanded and my sides hurt as I lay on my back, tears actually falling from my eyes. It wasn’t even that funny! I just needed a good laugh! Suddenly I had the wind knocked out of me by a weight pressed down on my torso as Alisha jumped on me. She grabbed my arms, pinning me down and pushed her nose against mine.

“Don’t you dare laugh at me, Gerard Way!”

Her voice was fierce and the atmosphere in the room tensed. Yet despite the pain, I had the giggles and continued to laugh. Bob and Ray tittered in the corner. Alisha tried to keep a straight face but started laughing too. Her hands released mine and she started tickling me, making me screech in protest. I tried to run away but she followed me. We nearly tripped over the two now entwined boys in the corner and I started for the doorway, anything to get away from her. I didn’t even notice a figure enter the room and ran head first into them. Somehow they regained their balance quickly, while I fell on my head, making the room dizzy. I squinted focusing my eyes on the doorway. Everyone had now stopped laughing, even Alisha, who’s eyes had sunk to her shoes. As my world stopped spinning, I realised it was Mikey.

“Hey, little brot...” My voice stopped in my throat as Frank stepped out from behind him.

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