Why I love you

My obsession with FRERARD (MCR) now continues with fanfiction :)
Warning on explicit material.


6. Two brothers

Gerard POV:

I woke up to a feeling of warmth spreading over my face. I remembered my dream, me and Frank together. I smiled at the memory. Maybe the warmth was his breath tickling my face and I would open my eyes to see him lying sleeping next to me, his innocent face lit up with happiness as he dreamed of me. I would gently wake him up with a kiss and we would look into each other's eyes, neither of us having to say the words 'I'm sorry...' because we already knew. Then Frankie would kiss me back and I would be able to feel his lust and longing in that kiss and I would know that he felt exactly the same, that he loved me too.

I opened my eyes. The curtain leaked a thin line of sunlight through the curtain, bitterly reminding I had school that morning. The sunlight left warmth on my face as I sat up in bed and swung my legs over the side of my bed. If only the light could reach within me and warm my heart. Frank. I wanted to cry out for him but knew that Mum and Mikey would still be sleeping. I always got up too early for school, got dressed and left to beat the morning rush. To beat the harsh grapping hands and hard toed shoes as they told me what I already knew. I was lost. Lost in this world. Lost without Frank. Lost. I went to the bathroom and filled the sink with water, dipping my head into the coolness to wake myself up. As I came up for air, I grinned as I caught myself in the mirror, black hair sprawled across my face resembling a bird’s nest. Then I properly looked, seeing my smile and frowned at the reflection. Sighing, I went to my bedroom and opened my wardrobe. Nothing to wear. I grabbed an old pair of skinny jeans and a black Misfits hoddie. I thought about eyeliner but in the end decided I was hated enough already at school. I grabbed my school bag and took the stairs two at a time. I forgot too late about being quiet and had stomped all the way down to the hallway before remembering two people were sleeping upstairs. I face palmed before hearing a shuffle of feet on the landing. My feet ran me to the door and I had reached for the handle when a voice spoke.

"Gerard? Is that you?" A half worried voice came down the stairs, Mikey, and I saw his feet first as he walked sleepily down. I was trapped into a conversation, half hanging off the handle, desperate to beat the other kids to school.

"What are you doing up? It's early!" Mikey rubbed his eyes as he took in the fact I was already dressed.

"I'm always up this early! You just sleep in, lazy," I tried to smooth out his mad hair as it stuck out at odd angles, just like mine had. He shoved my hand off and grabbing my wrist pulled me into the kitchen. I tried not to wince as his fingers dug into my scars.

"Look, Mikey. I have to go..." Mikey pushed me down in a chair and shushed me as I started to panic. The last time I had gone into school on time, I had only been able to reach period 2 as I had hidden in the toilets trying to stem the flow of blood from a gash which had completely covered my forehead. There had been no hiding that from Mum.

"Mikey..." He only again held his hand up to stop me and brought over two large bowls of cereal. He placed it in front of me and sat opposite, pointing at the cereal and making obvious eating movements. I stared at the spoon he had placed carefully into my hand. I had never really eaten, Mikey knew that. I didn't eat breakfast or dinner and would only occasionally buy lunch. I pushed the bowl away only to be faced with my brother's raised eyebrow.

"Eat!" He demanded it like a spolit child who wanted to carry on playing in the park for 5 more minutes. I just looked at him in a sort of 'what are you going to do' face. He filled a spoonful of cereal from his bowl and launched it across the table, straight into my open mouth. I choked on it, gagging for air. A hard hand slapped me repeatedly on the back until a mouthful of mushed cereal lay undigested on the floor.

"I'm sorry, Gee!" Mikey looked worriedly upset. "It was just a joke..." I ignored him instead focusing on cleaning the floor of cereal. He sighed and looked down at his bowl of cereal before deciding he didn't want it anymore and clearing our two bowls away.

"I'll understand if you don't wanna walk to school with me anymore..." The sad voice seemed to melt my cold heart a little.

"You want to walk with me?" I walked alone, too early for even the birds to venture out so as to avoid the horrible bullies and their comments which cut into me, drawing visible blood from my already cut arms and legs. Mikey walked with Bob and Ray. Frank lived in the other direction to all of us so walked on his own. Frank. My face must have showed my sadness because Mikey came over to me and lifted my head to look at him. He always was taller than me.

"Of course I want to walk with you. Ray and Bob do too! They said you were really fun yesterday..." His voice drifted off as he thought over yesterday's events.

"What has happened between you and Frank anyway, Gerard?" My face darkened as I thought of Frank turning on his heel and leaving me alone. Without him.

"Oh, I'm ... I'm sorry ... I wasn't thinking," He muttered tactlessly. "Give me two seconds to get dressed and I'll be ready to walk with you, okay?" I nodded slightly, a plan already hatched in my head to leave before he was ready. What if we ran into someone walking to Ray's or Bob's, just the two of us?! Mikey wasn't exactly tough! What if they turned on him? I could never forgive myself.

"And don't even think about leaving!" The voice wouldn't have been enough to stop me leaving until he turned around on the stairs, looking at me mischievously. "Or I'll tell Mum what you and Frank did last night..." He left me with that sentence as I turned red, blushing widely. Well we weren't exactly quiet were we?! Still, him, Bob and Ray heard us? God!

"I wasn't ready..." The sentence flooded back to me along with Frank's broken hearted expression. It was a horrible thing to say, he had asked if I was after all. Twice! If he had asked me once more, I would have thought he didn't want too. Until I felt the pressure of his hips against mine, his teeth nipping my end and his eyes hungry for me. Not that it mattered now, no matter what the guys had said afterwards, I was still nothing in his eyes.

Mikey flew down the stairs, a flash of red jeans and a Metallica logo covered hoddie, grabbing me and heading out the door before I could object. His mouth moved at the speed of lightening too, telling me about this new game Ray had just got and why we had to leave NOW to go play it before school because it was so good...

I let him rattle on for a bit, sinking back into my thoughts, letting them lull over me like black clouds as I thought of Frankie and how sorry I was. How desperate for him I felt, how much I wanted his touch.

"Gee...” The voice came quietly, in the silence I realised had fallen on us.

"Hmm..." I turned to Mikey, suddenly aware he was in tears which had fallen silently down his face and he looked so sad as he walked slowly hunched over, his eyes saying it all as they screamed out to me. We stopped walking so I could embrace him in a hug.

"Hey, hey, squirt! What's up?" I rubbed his back with my spare hand, clutching him tightly as I felt his tears fall on my shoulder.

"It's nothing really..." He muttered into my hoodie. I held him at arm’s length and lowered my head so I could see into his eyes, my problems now distant memories.

"If it makes you this upset then it is something!" This made him shrug sadly, like the weight of his world was on his shoulders. "You can talk to me, right? I'm here for you now even if I haven't been in the past!" I continued, Mikey obviously not convinced. "I've had my own problems but yours are important too, okay? You are my little brother and I love you no matter what!" His head lifted slightly and my lips found the top of his ruffled hair and kissed it lightly. I let them rest there as he sighed deeply.

"Well... you know you're...."

"Yes, Mikes," hoping his old nickname might egg him on to what he wanted to say.

"You're gay, right?" The statement shocked me. He knew that. Mikey had been the one who had taken my outburst the best, not questioning me just embracing me in a hug, the way I was doing to him now.

"Yeah..." I didn't know how to carry on. "You wanna talk about that? Because we can if you want too?" I added hurriedly at the end.

"Well...I think....I might be gay too!" I just stayed hugging him, not really thinking about what he had said, simply kissing his head again and again as if to soothe the many worries which rattled around his brain.

"Gee..." He sounded uncertain as he raised his head to see my eyes. I smiled at him, fully and winked at him, making him cringe and blush.

"I knew it!" I exclaimed. Because I had. He had never had a girlfriend and had always liked the fact his friend and brother were together. Once Frank had mentioned that he had caught Mikey staring at us as we kissed. I had just smiled when Frank had asked if I thought he was confused. And he had grinned right back, understanding me without me needing to say a word. Of course that time was gone now... No! Mikey's problems first!

"I love you no matter what, sweetie, okay?" My voice seemed to relax him and he fell back into my hug.

"Mum's gonna hate us," I whispered into his ear. I could feel him tense up at the thought of telling Mum before started to giggle until we were both laughing. Hugging and laughing. Pulling away, we turned towards Ray's house.


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