Why I love you

My obsession with FRERARD (MCR) now continues with fanfiction :)
Warning on explicit material.


4. I wasn't ready

Frank's POV:

"I love you," I spoke the words quietly looking up at him. His eyes had been closed but they snapped open now finding my eyes and telling me exactly the same with them.

"I love you too, baby," he spoke. There was no lust in his voice at the use of the word baby, it was just simple adoration. We resumed our position of me lying on his chest, breathing in and out in time together. I used the rhythm of it to trace his arm which was tucked neatly around me. He stroked my hair and kissed me every now and then, putting me completely at ease. As I ran my hand down his arm, I felt a sudden bump in the smoothness of his skin. I puzzled over it, feeling the difference in texture from his arm. I felt the chest underneath me stop breathing and tighten as my fingers rested there. I moved to look up at Gerard but his arm came out from under me, making me turn the other way onto my side, facing away from him.

"Gerard?" I asked questioningly, turning to face him just in time to see his arms shoot under his body, his back protectively hiding them from everyone. He tried to look innocent but was failing as his cheeks burned red. I tried to free his arms but they were stuck there, glued underneath him.

"Fine! I'll have to make you," I smiled at him, my face suddenly serious as I clambered on top of him, assuming the position and clamping down my thighs on him. I grabbed a chunk of his hair and held it back so he was forced to look at me. It didn't hurt him but at least this way he had to look into my eyes. The face showed another expression I couldn't read. A worse expression. His lip quivered and his breath quickened. He looked almost afraid of me.

"Please, Frankie," he looked at me actually shaking as I once again tried to unhook his arms from behind his back, "Don't!" His voice got louder as my grip tightened on his wrist, forcing it into the open. On his wrist sat a small plaster, covering something red underneath it, the colour leaking from under the pink fabric. He looked at me again with those eyes but it didn't stop me from ripping off the plaster, maybe hurting him but in that one moment not caring. The scars could have been seen with the plaster on, the raw scratches emerging from underneath the material. The newest wound was long and still bleeding from being cut. How could he do this to himself?! I refused to look at him and I quickly removed the cover from him to view the rest of his body. Similar scars could be seen on his other wrist and his upper thighs. How had I seen him naked and not noticed this? How had our bodies slapped against each other without me feeling the pain and blood which poured from these hidden troubles?

"Gerard..." I finally looked again from his body and saw his face awash with tears. These weren't cries for help or even tears of pain. These were silent tears stored up for I don't know how long but the horror in his eyes at my discovery said it all.

"I'm so sor..." he began before bursting into childish sobs. I held him and stroked his hair. I hushed his sobs and muttered "it’s okay, it'll all be okay..." again and again. Would it though? Could we recover through this? Of course we could if Gerard needed me then I would be here. I kissed his face, tried to kiss the tears away but they only came harder and faster. Gerard's body moved suddenly away from me, his head turning away, the tears running unstopped down his face. For a second, he seemed to collect himself before using his cut wrists to wipe away his salty tears and turn to face me. His expression was hard and unforgiving.

"You're right. I wasn't ready," his face said the words had to be true. I was shocked and my mouth dropped open. I gulped with guilt, was he trying to say it was my fault he had done this?! That I had forced him to do this? I had to stay calm as he was obviously in a lot of pain. I stood next to him, standing as tall as I could.

"Gerard, I love you and I will be here for you no matter what." The words sounded strong and I wanted so much for him to know them to be true. Yet when I tried to touch his face, he turned away, rocking on his heels.

"I'd like you to go now please..." The voice wasn't his, couldn't have been his!


"Leave!" He turned to face me, an emotionless mask on his face, no love, no forgiveness. No emotions whatsoever. I gulped and held my arms out to him, my eyes beginning to glisten with tears.

"Please, don't do this!" I felt so clingy but I didn't want to leave him like this. I wanted to stay with him. I wanted to comfort him. I wanted his chest to lean on. Suddenly I was the one who needed reassurance.

"Leave!" He repeated the word louder, still no emotion. I stepped towards him, my arms out to hug him, needing his warmth. His hand made me stop dead as he slapped me square across the face.

His mask slipped as he looked shocked at his hand like he couldn't believe what he had done. We stood frozen for a second, neither speaking.

"Frankie, I'm..." I stopped listening, shoving on my clothes, Gerard doing the same but I marched swiftly out of the Way household before he could follow.

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