Why I love you

My obsession with FRERARD (MCR) now continues with fanfiction :)
Warning on explicit material.


15. Alive for now

Frank’s POV

“Would you like me to repeat myself?”

The doctor looked a little uncomfortable as three pairs of eyes stared at him, trying to piece together what he had just said. He repositioned his glasses on the end of his nose and smoothed his aging hair with a slightly shaking hand, as he glanced down at his clipboard, frowning. I coughed a little and turned towards Mikey and his Mum. They just looked confused and looked back at me. Mikey was biting his lip and his Mum’s face was white, almost as white as Gee’s had been, her eyes raw red from crying. We had waited for what felt like hours for news of how Gerard was. After a while, Mrs Way had started to pace and grab any nurses that walked by, demanding they tell her where to find her son. I had had to calm her down, soothe her and once I thought I might have succeeded a little to settle her, I had gone to get some coffees from the cafeteria. I hadn’t realized until I had brought the coffees back from the waiting room, that I had bought four. The coffee was stale to the taste and sour from the milk I had added but it seemed to do the job of keeping all of us awake. Not that any of us could sleep after Gee. Not that they could go back to the house after Gerard. Mikey hadn’t looked at me, not even responding to his Mother’s touch when she had tried to squeeze his hand. Now he was looking at me anxiously, his eyes trying to ask me how to make this better. I didn’t know.

I found myself once again staring at the doctor. He seemed on the verge of either walking away or repeating his medical diagnosis of Gerard when I spoke up.

“Basically, you have larynx and pharynx in the middle of your throat, okay? And your jugular veins on either side. Gerard has cut the jugular vein here.”

I paused, pointing to the left of my neck. The doctor was watching me along with the other two, seeming relieved to not have to talk again.

“The vein is used to carry blood to supply the brain. Gerard has just had minor surgery in order to stop the loss of blood from his jugular vein. This has worked and the doctors have just finished stitching up his throat.”

Mrs Way looked at me, glad to have it explained without being looked down on by the doctor for not understanding.

“Does that mean, Gee will be okay, now?”

Mikey’s voice spoke not to me but the doctor who shifted uncomfortably under the eager boy’s gaze.

“Well, it’s hard to say…”

I frowned at him, my throat clamping up, tears threatening my eyes again. I was holding it together for Mikey and his mum, I was calm and focused on Gee’s recovery. But it was fucking hard to believe Gerard would get better when these fucking idiots where handling his care!

“What do you mean ‘it’s hard to say’?!” Suddenly I was angry at him, my voice making Mikey jump.

Mrs Way reached out a hand, trying to grab mine but I was too wound up now.

“You said you stopped the blood loss … You’ve stitched up his cut … And you have to be giving him blood, right?!”

The doctor was studying his clipboard carefully, not looking at me but nodding.

“We are doing our best for him, sweetie. But you have to understand that he has lost a lot of blood, blood which he needed to supply his brain with oxygen. There is no way to know until he wakes up what damage his brain has suffered from, what damage he has suffered from!”

A nurse in the corner who I hadn’t noticed before moved to stand next to the doctor, trying to defend this twat, as he looked down at his shoes, unsure what to say to calm me down. I would have started again but a hand came to rest on mine, pulling me quickly back down to my seat. I turned angrily towards the owner of the hands only to see Mikey’s big eyes finding mine behind his glasses.

“You think that you being angry will help Gee now! Stop only thinking of yourself, Frank!”

The sharp words made me flinch and I shoved his hands off my lap and stared at the floor. The room was tense for a second before the nurse spoke up again.

“Now, you won’t be able to see him now because he has only just come out of surgery and is open to infection. But if you come back tomorrow, you may be able to see him. I suggest that you all go home and try to get some rest.”

She and the doctor walked swiftly out of the room, leaving the three of us in silence.

“I’ll take you home, Frank.”

Mrs Way pulled me up from my chair and guided me by the shoulders towards the exit. She had never been this kind to me before, it was quite nice. It reminded me of my own Mum. Before she had left obviously but I could still remember her smell and the warmth of her when she would tuck me into bed. I had never told anyone about my Mum or my Dad. Not even Gee. I guess it would have seemed too strange to utter out loud. Mikey was keeping  his distance and sat in the front next to his Mum in the car while I sat huddled in the back, the silence drifting  over me, consuming me in a world of hurt and regret. Mikey was right I was only thinking of myself. I was Gerard’s ex-boyfriend, I couldn’t even imagine how much harder Mikey and his Mum would be taking this situation. Yet Mrs Way was still being friendly and Mikey was at least standing up for Gerard, defending him when I got angry.

We pulled up outside my house, me having to direct the way along the winding streets. All the lights were off and the small house seemed to give out a black shadow, casting itself over the car.

“Where’s your parents, Frank?”

She was probably just worried about me, looking at the house I could almost see why.

“Oh, um … Well, I guess my Dad will still be at work, he works … Um, quite late. And my Mum will be asleep upstairs.”

She smiled at me, looking a bit unsure but opening my car door for me anyway. I stepped out into the cold open air and waved at them, as the car started up and pulled out of the drive. Suddenly I didn’t want to be alone, didn’t want to stay in the house by myself. Yet I just cheerfully smiled and turned back to the house.

“Hey, Frank.”

I frowned back to the car, surprised to see Mikey’s figure coming out of it. He turned to his Mum, whispering something and his Mum smiled back at him and nodded before waving once more at me and speeding off out of the road.

“What did you do that for?” I asked Mikey, as he walked towards me.

He just shrugged at me, not meeting my eyes.

“Aren’t you gonna invite me in?"

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