last breath.

Nathan and Andrew were best friends. They could tell each other anything, they were inseparable. Until Andrew out of the blue decided that they shouldn't be friends anymore, and left Nathan hurt and alone.
4 years later, they again find interest in each other, as more than just friends. But will it work out, despite their past issues, and the issues their new found love possibly might bring them?


2. Feelings.


I draw my fears on my arms.

Sometimes the pain I am feeling, the emotions are so great that my mind goes on overload, and all I can think about is ending it. Dealing with it is more difficult, so I take a razor to flash, and watch as the emotional pain drains away. The razor slices small cuts that sting and bleed by drips. Sometimes the numb feeling comes back while cutting. When this happens I end up cutting more, and sometimes the cuts are deeper. Never enough to warrant stitches, but it's a shot in the dark sometimes.

I slowly, but firmly press the razor blade against my pale skin. I slowly drag it across my wrist, as I feel both pain and pleasure wash over my body. I moan in relief, as I watch a drop of bright red blood travel from the right side of the cut, across to the other side. I bite my lip in an attempt not to cry, my eyelids feel heavy, and my brain foggy. After I've overcome the worst of my dizziness, I get myself picked up of the floor, and make my way to the bedroom. Not only is the pain in my wrist unbearable, but so is the pain in my head. My brain doesn't allow me to think through what I just did, or think at all, so I just collapse right there. I let the tears flow, as I sob myself quietly to sleep. 

When I wake up in the morning, I feel weak. Like I'm some sort of wimp, that does not know how to deal properly with his problems. It only caused me relief and pleasure the moment I did it. Now it will make me feel terrible, and worse than I already feel about myself. But I will hide the pain behind a smile, like I always do. I'm tired of it, but do I really have a choice?


There's something magical about your first best friend. It's the first person you really open up to. The person you hope to be best friends with for the rest of your life. But when your first friendship ends the way mine and Andrew's did, it makes you wonder if all people are like that. If all people will make you trust them completely, and make you open up to them, and then just leave you like your friendship never meant anything. It makes you lose any interest in befriending anyone else.

Maybe I would feel better if Andrew had a proper reason to end our friendship, it could be anything, just not "You're not cool enough to be friends with me". It leaves me wondering what I did wrong, that could cause him to do what he did. I remember calling him everyday for two months after it happened, not necessarily because I wanted him to reconsider our friendship, but I just needed answers, but he never picked up the phone, which left me frustrated with not only Andrew, but also myself.

I want to believe that he's an asshole, a prick, a complete utter airhead, but I just can't. My feelings for him are way too strong. Both friendly feelings, also feelings stronger than that.

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