Alone again

Sometimes Sophia cannot describe how she feels. So much is on her mind since her nan died. Many people try to stick up for her, but no-one knows what she is going through. She feels like shes gunna break down, until she meets this guy, the worst student her high school has ever had. But when she is with Ryan, she feels complete, like all the bad memories about everything dissappears. How long can they make it last, especially with the school trying to expel Ryan coz hes so badman. They both make promises, but what with exams, funerals, friendships, family, and the school pressing down on Sophia, how long can they last until she breaks down?

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2. Off to school (CAUTION: bad language)

Recently I have just been sat on my bedroom floor twiddling my fingers...but mainly crying life aint fair! Why did the devil have to pick my nan to torture? Why why why!?!? Just to add to my worries, now that it has been a week after her death i am being forced to go back to school today. So far i have been caring for my mum (Clare) because it was her mother that died, my nana. I know i have not been taking care of myself. All my friends will realize because i haven't eaten, drunk or slept since she left earth. I look like i'm anorexic. Its not far off the mark. I've never been a big fan of food but now i do look ill and half dead. B-but its like someone has ripped my heart out my chest and squeezed it till i can't breathe...then trampled all over it for the sheer hell of it. I cant seem to function my brain to my body. Whenever i think about her my eyes instantly tear up and i start crying. I had known my nan would die from cancer for a long time, i thought I had prepared myself for when the time came. But like usual, life always has to prove how wrong i am.

I don't really know how i'm going to survive without her. I used to go to her to tell her my problems, but now shes gone, and i'm so lost. I feel like I was in a forest, my nana was showing me a path, but now there is no path, and i don't know where to go or who to turn to. My friends will say they understand what i'm going through...but they don't. She was the closes thing to my heart, and NOTHING will take her place! Ever!

"Sophia, breakfast! You can't be late for school" my mum called up the stairs.

"I don't want it. I'm off!" I replied and kissed the photo beside my bed. It was of me, my mum, and nan before she was ill and we were on the seaside. We all had twirly flaky ice creams and i was cheekily eating nana's although i had my own in front of me. It was taken by my dad before he left for some younger work colleague who he ran off with. I've never seen him since. Don't want to. He's a bastard!

"SOPHIA!! DOWNSTAIRS NOW!!!  And don't forget breakfast. You haven't eaten in days" mum shouted again.

"Yeah, right, i'm coming" I said more to myself than to her. I really didn't want to go to school. Its a shit tip but there was only one reason why i went. And that's coz i like a guy there.

I trudge down the stairs in my rolled up skirt, blouse with the top two buttons undone, and my hair in a messy ponytail. My make-up was not too bad, foundation and blusher but not too much so i don't look orange; a thin line of liquid eyeliner on my eyelid; shiny silver lip gloss and a thick coat of mascara. The , mascara was not really necessarily because i had naturally long eyelashes but it just made them thicker and longer. But unfortunately my eyes were still bloodshot from where ive been crying so much.

Just so Clare will know I have gone to school, I slam the front door as hard as i could. I just hope she will eat today. I walked round the corner of my road and saw my two best friends Madeline and Lily. There was also the guy i fancy...Ryan. Jogging to catch up with them, they turn around to see who was coming. And thankfully they smiled and waited for my to catch up with them. 

"Hey babe, where the fuck have you been lately, ditching me in lessons!" Madeline cried out as soon as i joined them.

"Urrmmmm... I've been kinda busy..." my voice trailed off and there was an awkward silence.

"Oh well, you've missed loads of homework, and your day in inclusion. Lucky sod." Lily said enviously.

I laughed at that. Me, Ryan, Madeline and Lily wen't the best students ever, but Ryan was b far the worst. He had -600 behavior watch points breaking the record by just a few hundred. Maybe that's why i liked him alot, I don't know what it is but when he gives me this friend hug, it sets off fireworks and butterflies in my tummy.

"So hows your nan, better?" Ryan asked breaking the silence. Oh what a bad question because i started to cry.

"She's gone. She's dead. She died in my arms. She...She...she" and once again, my voice went silent.4

"Shit, oh i'm so sorry Sophia!" Ryan went as he pulled me into a hug. Then, for the millionth time these few days, i broke down. But this time there was a difference. Someone was hugging me, soothing me, stroking my hair, patting my back, telling me it would be all right. And i trusted him. I believed that with help it will be all right. But right now, i didn't want to be at school. However, i was.

Like usual, I didn't go to tutor, Madeline and Lily went 15 minutes late, but Ryan stayed with me for the whole time, he was just hugging me, and it felt great. But then the bell went, and it was lesson time...without him because he was in the year below me. I was left alone.

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