I Give Up

So my life is a little messed up. I'm 14 years old, my name is Ace Alex and you'll see soon, my life is anything but normal. Family? School? Happiness? I don't understand.


9. Back Again

                Grandma holds her hand out to me, waiting for me to grab it the way I used to when I lived with her a year ago. You see, I’ve lived with grandma since I was about two months old until last year when my mother wanted me back again. I knew it was a bad idea but I thought maybe I would fit in and be normal there. It didn’t work. I was the rich popular kid. I didn’t like being that person, a lot of people thought I’d be snobby and stuck up but I showed them differently.

                Anyways, I smile at grandma and just walk beside her, not wanting to hold her hand, afraid to get attached. She’s a really good person, don’t get me wrong, I just don’t want to get attached to anyone right now, they might leave me.


                I try standing tall, silently letting grandma now that I’m alright even if I am dying inside. We walk out to our driver, which my mother pays for. I shake his hand and say, “Nice to finally see you again, it’s been a while Chris.”

                He laughs and says, “It has, hasn’t it? You’ve gotten so tall Ace. You’re finally taller than me!” He says with a chuckle.

                “Only by an inch though.” I say, being a smart ass.

                “Whatever you say, Ace, get in the car, I got your bags,” He says smiling.

                I smile and let him take my bags from me and climb into the back seat, behind the drivers’ seat then fastening my seat belt.


                “No, ‘Vroom Vroom I’m ready!?’” She asks, referring to what I used to say when I was little.

                I don’t’ understand what she means so I say, “Pardon..?”

                “You must have hit your head,” she says, looking out the passenger seat window.

                I sigh and lean back, knowing she’s unhappy, still not sure if she knows that I’ve lost most of my memory or not. I don’t remember much about this place. Wisconsin. I know there’s trees. Lots and lots of trees… And that this is also about a 4 hour car drive that will bore me to death...

                I look out my window and watch the buildings flying by as we drive from Minnesota back to Wisconsin. I sigh and let the buildings blur together instead of focusing on each and every one. I rest my head against the car window and yawn, still thinking about Lily’s voice.

                I must be going insane, I think. Right then I hear, ‘Maybe you are going insane.’  In my head I hear Lily’s voice, confirming that it really is her voice. I sigh and whisper, “Lily shush…” I hear the most adorable laugh, soft and yet so cute, like a melody. I can’t not smile at that. She says, ‘Aceee why should I be quiet?’

                I catch my breath for a second then whisper, “Because you’re making my heart race…”

                She doesn’t reply and I sigh, almost disappointed. I look up and grandma’s looking at me. She says, “Ace, why were you talking to yourself?”

                “I’m not sure grandma; I’m just tired, sorry.” I say, looking back out the window.

                I watch the buildings slowly get simpler, out of the city we had just recently entered, and into the simpler parts of town. I watch the houses and small businesses fly by before my eyes and I remember Lily’s voice. Trying to figure out what’s going on. Maybe I really am insane. I can’t think of a better explanation. Or maybe I’m a vampire or a werewolf. I laugh at myself quietly while thinking about this. I think what if she’s my soul mate?

                I burst out laughing at this idea, someone I talked to for maybe 5 minutes in the middle of an airport my soul mate? I’m definitely going insane. Even though part of my heart is already attached to Lily, I try to pry myself away from the girl I don’t even know and will probably never see again.

                “Are you ok Ace..?” Grandma asks after I finally stop laughing.

                “Yes, I’m fine, just thought of something funny.” I say, passing her off and completely toning the world out again, ignoring anything anyone has to say.

                I try to pry my mind away from Lily for a while; figuring I’ve thought about her enough and I need to think about her less so I don’t stay attached. Knowing me, I’ll get attached to a voice in my mind just because it happens to give me butterflies.        


                I yawn and again rest my head against the window. I look out and see green trees. I smell something. It’s not very strong but it’s very distinct. I just simply can’t place it. I think for a while. Maybe it’s a kind of tree because we just got into the country. I think for a few minutes, questioning every tree I know. Maple, Oak, Birch, Olive, and a few others before finally coming to the conclusion. Pine, that’s what I smell now. I got it. I deserve I cookie, I think to myself, chuckling quietly.

I focus on the scent and counting my breaths, 1 on in, and 2 on out. Counting just like that, my breath in a nice steady rhythm. I slowly let myself drift off to sleep.

I look around and I’m back in the airport. Confused, I ask, “I thought I was already in the car going back to grandma’s house… Why am I here..?”

“To see me,” I hear a girl’s voice giggle from behind me. Clear as a bell, I knew exactly who it was before I even turned around.

“Lily!” I say as I spin around quickly, seeing her standing there smiling.

“Hey Ace,” she says cheerfully.

I try not to smile at her when I hear, “No! He’s here to see me.”

I spin around, knowing that voice perfectly, looking right into my sisters’ eyes, which were only about a foot away from mine. I completely freeze, I can’t move.
                “You’re dying to see your big sister, aren’t you Ace? Or are you really going to replace me with her?” she says, motioning Lily to stand by her.

“No… Lily would never be a replacement…” I say quietly.

“Are you sure about that?” she asks.

“I’m positive... I’d never try to replace you.”


“Don’t listen to her Ace!” I hear Lily say with urgency.

“I have to Lily, she’s my sister…” I say, looking at Lily apologetically.

“No Ace, you can’t, she just wants to hurt you!” she says, her face looking as if it’s in pain.


“Why would I hurt my little brother?” my sister asks, looking like she’s planning something.

“You wouldn’t…” I say quietly.

I watch as my sister extends her hand out to Lily, placing it on her neck. “You seem like you really like this Lily, Ace.” She says, looking straight into my eyes.

“I don’t know… We only talked once…” I say as my eyes flicker from my sisters’ hand on Lily’s neck, back to her eyes.

“Well Acey, I want you to myself. So since your mind has been on Lily so much, I need to eliminate her.” She says with an innocent smile on her face.

I let my eyes trail back to her hand, seeing Lily’s hand on… Lily and… Lily… Why are there names the same? Why haven’t I realized. My sister’s hand is on the other Lily’s throat. I fall to my knees, begging.

“Please Lily, don’t kill her. I didn’t mean to. I never realized, I swear, I’ll forget about Lily.” Clearly confusing even myself as I say this.


I wake up, crying, as the car comes to a sudden stop, frightening me. I lean back, looking around.

“Lily…” I whisper. I can’t figure it out. What does this mean? I suppose it isn’t too terrible that I forgot my sisters’ name… I always called her Rose anyways but it’s still awful. I’m lost. Why am I letting this girl, Lily, from an airport, get to my head? She should mean nothing to me, shouldn’t she?


I sigh and look around, realizing that I’m home. I see the old trailer, only two bedrooms, standing right in front of the car. I unfasten my seatbelt, and open the door. I grab my bag and step out, looking around and finally breathing the fresh air in. Remembering this place vaguely, I open grandma’s door and help her out.

“Go ahead, I wanna look around.” I tell grandma.

“Ok Ace, have fun.” She says smiling.

I look around, seeing all of the trees with green leaves, the garage at the end of the driveway and the neighbors’ houses. I try to remember who lives there but I can’t.


Did I mention I lost most of my memory 3 months ago..?

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