Sorry Mum, I'm a Lesbian

Harmony lives in a Catholic household in a Church of England society, and has never found it easy. But when she discovers she's a lesbian, she has to lead several different lives at once to cover up secrets that would make her friends and family ashamed. Her already complicated life starts getting harder to handle, so she asks herself: 'Would it hurt anyone to tell her sister?' She does, and that move gets her life spinning out of control. Can Harmony pull the right strings to untangle her knotted life?

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26. The leaflet

My father left after he handed me the leaflet, and a burning was in my heart, I felt like it was eating the flesh on my hands. It is a tough decision; a lot of preparation what would have to be done, and a lot of after care, I couldn't go back to that school not with everyone knowing what I ...was...

That doesn't fit in my head ...was...

What about Verity? She doesn't have to go through this, she's still safe.

Sunny-side Camp

It makes me feel sick to my stomach, I couldn't stay with my family if I don't go through with this could I? At least that's how I think this works? I stare at my reflection in the mirror, my eye, cheek and collar bone are just beginning to color a deep purple verging on black. Slowly I open the leaflet.

Sunny-side Camp

This is Sunny-side Camp, the best camp for curing homosexuals, we provide a two week course in which those effected will undergo multiple tests to obtain the severity of their disorder.

Disorder! Disorder! Homosexuality is NOT a DISORDER!! As far as I care it is beautiful, and if teenagers can't be excepted for who they are - then what is the point of having children? You can't control who they become? So why is my father trying?

After this information has been logged, the homosexual in question, will attended classes based on their result , they will also have a one to one counselling session after dinner every evening.

 

I feel sick. Why would he do this to me? Does he hate me? 

Forget about me, how many people have been forced to undergo something like this? How many willingly go? Why would anyone force someone into this? This is disgusting, why would I agree to... 

THIS!

I remember that smile at dinner, it seems like a million years ago. Maybe I have thrown any chance of a relationship with my dad... maybe I don't want one? Not if he won't except me for who I am. 

I don't want this...

I want to stay as me...

I want my family to love me...

I want to have friends because they like me for who I am, not just because it's cool to know a lesbian...

What if God built me for this purpose?

Sanctity of life... all life is sacred... so is mine... changing who I was born as surely is the same concept as aborting an unborn child? As other Roman Catholics would see it my father is playing God!? In their eyes, I wonder which is better, having a daughter who is homosexual, or taking the role of God?

My head aches from the confusion, sadness and lack of control I hold over my life right now. 

I fall to my knees, closing my eyes and, forcing back the tears, I begin to pray...

 

 

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