How could your best friend in the whole wide world, also be the love of your life? How could they be the person that makes your heart stop beating for a second every time they look into your eyes?

"All our young lives we search for someone to love, someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope, all the while wondering if somewhere and somehow there is someone searching for us." -The Wonder Years


10. Too fast

"If i could reach up and hold a star for every time you made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand."


*i don't know what age to give this, but I'd say 12+ from this point onwards*

"Hello again Maci, come on in, how are you today?" Mrs Tale, said to me politely while holding the door open for me.

"Hello, I'm good thank you" i smiled. Ricky's mum was used to me by now the amount of times i was over here.

The first time i met his mum i was nervous, I'd never met a boyfriend's parent before. But she was lovely.

"Good, go on up he's in his room" she called after me, even though i was half way up the stairs.

I got to Ricky's room and knocked on his door, i heard him shout "come in" so i went in and closed the door behind me.

"Oh, hey babe I'll just be a sec let me finish this game" Ricky said whilst his eyes were glued to playing his Xbox game.

"What? Am i not more important than a video game?" I questioned.

With a sudden cheer and jump in the air, Ricky had finished his game and was now stood in front of me.

"Of course you are, I'm sorry i was just in the middle of beating someone" he said, whilst caressing my cheek.

"I noticed" i frowned. He pulled me in and kissed me for a few seconds, then pulled away.

"I'm all yours now though" he grinned. I couldn't help but smile, he always had that effect on me.

"Good" i patted him on his chest and went to sit on his bed. Even with just his t-shirt and jeans i could still feel and see his muscular chest. God he was so hot.

"So how is my beautiful lady today?"

He followed me to his bed and we sat opposite each other. We talked for a while, whilst messing around with each other. I ended up sitting in his arms and listening to his heart beat.  I loved listening to people's hearts, i always had.

At one point his mum came in and we both sprung apart from each other and nearly fell off the bed. She only came in to tell us she was going out for a few hours. She walked out, and we heard her shut the front door.

Even though me and Ricky had been to each others houses plenty of times before, we'd never been home alone together. I looked at him and he was already staring at me.

"So, were home alone" he paused "what do you wanna do?" Ricky said whilst edging forward to me. I knew what he had in mind. To be honest, i actually liked the idea of making out with him, we hadn't in about a week. I just didn't think i was ready for what he wanted to do. I shrugged my shoulders. 

By now Ricky was inches away from me. He placed a kiss on my collarbone and rode up to my neck and behind my ear. I couldn't help but relax and put my hand in his hair.

Eventually he rode up to my lips and we started kissing. He started biting my lip and managed to push his tongue in their. I was in heaven. I kept hearing little murmurs from the back of his mouth, or it could have been my mouth, i wasn't sure.

I didn't want him to think i was just going to sit their, so i started responding. I kissed him back more fiercely and i had my hands wrapped around his neck. I pushed myself up a little bit, so i was kneeling on his bed. He had to stretch his neck in able to continue to kiss me. 

He started to bring his hands away from my neck to around my waist and pulled me closer to him, which made me smile. I pulled away from him, not because i wanted to, but because i just had to look at him. When i did, i looked him in the eyes and he did the same.

"I love you" he whispered. He caught me be surprised, he's never said this to me before. I didn't speak for a while, i was taken aback.

"I love you too" i started kissing him again, mainly because i didn't want him to see how happy it made me for him to say them three words.

I think he'd had enough of letting me control, and he started kissing me back even more forcefully now. He pushed himself against me, which made me fall back onto his bed with him on top of me.

Once again, he started kissing me down my neck and behind my ear. I looked up at his ceiling and i could hear my heart pounding. I couldn't take it any longer.

I pulled his face back up to my mouth so i could kiss him. I put my hands up his shirt and he helped pull it off. I sat their, gobsmacked, staring at his body. It was as if it was carved by angels. Ricky laughed, and started kissing me again. 

I placed my hands on his chest, and traced all over his creases with my fingers. His skin was so soft.

He started unfastening the buttons on my shirt. Thank god i had decided to wear my black lace bra today. His fingertips against my skin made me shiver.

Eventually i was lying with my top off, and Ricky pulled away to look at the top half of my body. I hated him looking at me like that, it made me feel so self-conscious.

"Wow" he whispered. "Your so perfect" he managed to bring his eyes away from my chest and to my eyes. Before i had time to react he was already pushing himself against me again, and kissing me.

I didn't really know what to do next, apart from kiss him back. I didn't want to go any further than this right now. Maybe in two weeks or so, but i was too scared to do anything now.

Ricky started to kiss my chest and down my torso. My heart started pounding even more now. His hands went around to my back and within a second, the clasp on my bra was undone. I didn't mind that. He helped me pull my bra off, even though i was capable of doing it myself.

He started kissing me back up my torso towards my breasts. I could feel his hot breath against my skin. He kissed me around my breasts and gently started licking my nipple. I was moaning, and i was holding onto the bed sheets as tight as i could.

I could hear Ricky chuckle to himself a couple of times, but he finally brought himself back up to my face. He stared at me.

"Wow" he whispered, again and i laughed. 

"Stop saying wow" i managed to say, although it was pretty hard after what Ricky had just done.

I was just about to sit up and find my bra to put back on but Ricky had already stuck his tongue down my throat. I didn't know what he had in mind next, but i was sure i didn't want to do it.

He moved his hands over my breasts again, and carried on down my stomach till he reached the top of my jeans. He moved onto kissing my collarbone so i was able to look down at his hands. He started to undo my button and unzip my jeans. I gulped.

"Ricky" i gasped. He moaned back but didn't stop. My jeans were now fully undone and his hand was on the top of my knickers.

"No, Ricky, stop" he looked up at me, and he pulled his hands away.

"What?" I started to sit up and button up my jeans but Ricky just stared at me and didn't move so i couldn't get up.

"I-I'm not ready yet, not for that stuff yet anyway, maybe a couple more weeks" i said shyly. I felt like such a loser from not going along with it.

"Why?" Is all he could say.

"I'm just scared, and i don't want to" i bit my lip, trying to avoid eye contact with him.

"But you love me?"

"I do, a lot, it's just I'm too scared to do it" i felt awkward sat their half naked, my bra was still somewhere across his room.

"But if you love me and you know i want to move on, you'd do it" i managed to look him in the eye.

I didn't think he'd be this upset about it, i thought he would just say 'okay.'

"Exactly, if you loved me you'd respect that I'm scared of moving on right now."

"There's nothing to be scared about Mace, it's me" he grabbed my hand and held it. "What's their to be scared about?"

"I don't know, i just want to wait a bit longer, I'm sorry" i bit my lip. He just continued to stare at me.

"I know you want to" he said and then started kissing me. He moved his hand back to my top of my jeans and started unbuttoning them again.

"Ricky, what are you doing?" I pulled away, and started trying to push his hand away from my knickers.

"I want to and i know you want to, so let's just do it" he said harshly, then pushed his lips back up to mine.

I was alarmed and started trying to push him off me even harder now.

"Please no Ricky" my voice broke, and i felt like i was going to cry. I couldn't believe he was going to do this.

I thought about Josh. I thought about what he said and the promise i made him. I felt as if i had failed at him, or let him down. I kept on pushing him off but it was no use. He was so much bigger than me it was impossible.

He was pushing his body harder against me now, trying to push me down as I kept struggling. As he kissed me down my neck I was screaming for him to stop. "Shush" he would whisper and it made me shiver. I didn't know who he was anymore. He wasn't my Ricky, the one I cared about who I loved and thought respected me. Now he was this cold, heartless boy forcing me into doing this. No matter how hard I tried to push him off he wouldn't. Tears kept coming out my eyes, I was petrified. Ricky had now started pulling my knickers off as well as my jeans that had fallen off the end of the bed. He kept saying my name and I hated it. His fingers traced my waistline and slowly moved further and further down. I wanted to scream out loud and just run out of that house, but I couldn't. How could he do this to me? I hated the fact that Josh was right. I should have listened to him. As Ricky's fingertips traced further down he whispered 'I love you' into my ear. I gulped, and then all of a sudden I felt something inside me. I jumped up from the shock of it, and Ricky moaned. I looked down to see Ricky's hand going in between my legs. Although it was painful for a while, I wasn't crying because of that. I was crying because of how stupid I was and how I thought I could easily stick up for myself in this type of situation. I felt humiliated by it all. It seemed to go on forever. I wanted him to stop, I wanted to pretend like this never happened but I couldn't. I just wanted it to be over but it wasn't. Ricky didn't notice that i was crying, I tried my best to hide it. But after a rapid change of speed and a big sigh from Ricky, I felt him remove his fingers from me and he relaxed off my body. He rolled over and whispered 'wow' again to himself. I just laid there, naked on his bed, finally feeling like I could breathe again. I continued looking up at the ceiling but I felt Ricky turn his eyes on me. I wiped a tear from my eye and kept on staring at the ceiling. This was my time, he was giving me the opportunity to go home now. But I couldn't. I felt like I was glued in place. I was cold as well, and I started to shiver. I just felt Ricky's eyes watching me. I didn't know whether to continue staring up, or look him in his eyes. I took a big breath and slowly turned to face him. He was lying their smiling at me.
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