Damn to hell!

When every women trows themselves at your feet, you feel happy and content. Then one they you see a boy walking and you catch his eyes and everything is suddenly only him, what do you do? Fight it or embrace it.

This is a slash story, meaning boy+boy, dont like dont read!


2. Past


I couldn’t stop crying, it was like something inside of me had just broken. I couldn’t take it anymore. The walls around me were filled with terrifying words, which kept screaming in my head.

”Why wouldn’t they stop?”

“Why couldn’t they just shut up!?”

I have always been bullied by my, so called, classmates from school. It started a long time ago; they bully me because I’m small and can’t fight back. I hated all those bastards. I know that I look a lot like a girl, because I am so small. I was not normal, in their eyes. I was a freak.

A fag.

A queer

That was the word they would use about me all the time. I could hear them whispering and sometimes screaming straight to my face that I was unnatural and thing that didn’t belong in their perfect world. I’m gay, I know that. My mom knows, but she always ignored me anyway. So when she figured it out, she didn’t care at all. She’s drunk most of the time, since my dad left us for a 20 year old girl. She leaves me alone most of the time and when she doesn’t she hits me, but in places people can’t see. She is smart that way. The very first time she hit me, she was dead drunk, she couldn’t even stand on her feet. I had just asked why she had been out till 5 in the morning and then we began to fight, we screamed at each other at the top of our lungs. I screamed at her why she couldn’t be like any normal mother, that she was just someone who didn’t care at all anymore. A hit so strong is almost sent me rolling on the hard floor connected with my face. I could taste the blood in my mouth from where my teeth had bite into the soft flesh. She ran out again after leaving me there, but I had seen the remorseful look in her eyes.

There was a time when I was happy, where everything was how it was supposed to be. Then my dad did that and he ruined everything. Suddenly my mom began to talk to the wrong people; she needed to get away from the real word, not even bothering with me. She didn’t exist at all.

So one day I just decided that I couldn’t keep this up, I just couldn’t. I took all those books that was in my damaged locker and started to walk home. I knew my mom had something in her bedside drawer I could use, something she used all the time to get away. I could just think that when it all was over the world wouldn’t hurt me anymore.

I walked all by myself, when I saw a person standing on the other side of the street. It was Paul, the person everybody in school was in love with, including me. He didn’t even know who I was. I saw him every single day in school; he could get my knees to go weak. I could watch him for hours talking to his friends, just look how is strong jaw would move and see the straight white teeth shimmer in the light every time he laughed.

He wasn’t one of those guys who would stand and look when somebody got bullied, he would kick their asses.

Paul saved me once. A guy was harassing me as always, when he suddenly was pulled away and a fist came flying through the air connecting with his face. The hit broke his nose. He was my hero. Paul hadn’t looked at me, because he was too busy getting away from a teacher that saw what Paul had done. Just before he had rounded the corner he had yeller over his shoulde;

“Heey kid! Watch yourself!”

When I thought about never seeing him again I could feel my tears slowly come to surface and all the books I had, fell to the ground with a loud bang. I wrapped my hands around my body, when I suddenly saw Paul come towards me. He quickly gathered all the books and he still had them in his hands, when I felt a single tear slide down my cheek. He looked at me with big brown eyes filled with concern and something had changed in his eyes. They were shoving something, something important. Then I could feel his thump touch my cheek and all coherent thought didn’t exist.

He felt so warm. I just wanted him to hold me, to say that everything was going to be okay and that he would save me from the loneliness.

I knew already then, that it wasn’t ever going to happen, when I saw that he had put the tear on his finger. He put the tear to his mouth and licked the finger clean. He looked like it was the best thing he had ever tasted, but that couldn’t be true. My knees was so close to give up all their strength, when he suddenly made a face like he didn’t know what he was doing, then almost shouted straight to my face “sorry!” and then he ran. Paul was gone even before I blinked, but God he has a cute butt.

When I came home, just put all my books away and stared blankly into space. My mom was staggering around in the house trying to find the alcohol which I had hidden like I always do, but in some kind of way she would always find it. All the things she had said to me over the years suddenly didn’t matter at all, I could only think about Paul’s flushed face when he ran away from me. I couldn’t help but smile, he was really cute when his face got all red. I pulled all the sheets around me, like a safe cocoon and fell asleep. I had forgotten everything about what I had planned. For the first time in years I felt at peace.

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