Is it love?

This is a story i made about my feelings for a boy. It's not the best thing i've wrote, but it means a lot to me, because i think it's my only way to move on, and forget about him. Maybe others out there feels the same way and if you do, this is for you guys! I hope you like it..


1. Is it love?


    Is it love?   The thoughts filled my mind while the wet branched whipped into my face. The sweat spread on my forehead and my heart beat faster than i'd ever felt it before. My legs were freaky, but i couldn't make myself stop i had to proceed. I could feel the lump in my throat again and i had to fight it down into the right place in my stomach again. But it kept coming up like the waves in the sea, it flowed in on me once in a while and left me completely helpless. I wanted to scream, scream at him Bit i knew that it nothing to do with him. It was me, it had always been me, and would always be.    I started out seeing him as one of the boys i could never talk to, not even in my wildest dreams. Him and his friend. But that changed quickly. But why should it happen to me? Why did i fall for someone who had been so amazing to me? Someone who was such a good friend. one whom i loved to be with. But how could i believe that he would fall for someone like me?   I kept running, it was the only time my mind could run wild without me losing control, without the tears that would've filled my eyes. why hadn't i done something about myself? Why didn't i talk to him? i could no longer figure out how i was supposed be around him or what I should tell him. The only thing that mattered was that he saw me. Not my appearance but me, just totally natural, unimportant me.   "i don't wan't to ruin our friendship." Is'n that just a nice way to tell someone that you don't have feeling for them? Is'n it just a cute way to say that they don't like the look, that you've done so much for just for that one special person, or is it really the truth, maybe he just really don't want to ruint anything. But why can't i get him out of my head, i just can't. But i really want to. I told him, "Friendship, no of course, we'll just be friends. It's perfect" and i really do try to convince myself, i'm just not totally sure it what i want. Why should i've told him, if i only wanted us to be friends. I might as well just leave it and get the time to wipe it away.    I stop for a moment. I figured i probably have no other choice than to push it behind me, not filling my head with "What if." If he likes me, he'll come to me. I must just be patient and try to be myself. He might not like me as a girlfriend, but he still likes me as a friend. And isn't that just about what i can ask him to be? To like me just like before. My pulse is high and my heart i pounding away. I sit down on a rock, the rain dashing down on me and for a moment i wished the rain would wash all my feeling of him away. But then i thought about his smile. The smile i fell for, his eyes and the things he'd giving me, the thing i brought home and kept like it was something valuable. "Quitters don't win, Winners don't quit" his voice in my head tells me not to give up. And that's when i realized what had to do. I couldn't give up, i had to keep on fighting. If i had to change everything about myself i was willing to do it. He would be mine. He would love me and never let me go. The struggle was long, but this game i was not about to drop. I needed to be able to do it. I had to. I wanted to!     


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