Sorry

Helen cannot escape Taylor and her endless taunts.
Taylor cannot escape herself and the monster she has become.

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8. 8:Taylor-Mistake

I had just got to school, after chatting with Amy and Imogen on the bus. I had been almost blanking them lately, not purposely but I couldn't get Helen out of my head. I was trying to forget her, let her move on with her freaky drug addiction. I knew what it was, how could I not? How else could someone wander round with such a huge smile plastered on their face while spit missiles and paper planes were aimed at their head?

I was walking down the corridor to get to form when I saw her again, leaning against the wall with a faraway look in her eyes. That just set me off. Had she turned into some kind of robot? Why couldn't she atleast show some feeling? All of the rage bubbled up inside me and walked straight up to her and shouted in her face "Don't you feel anything you lousy bitch?". I wanted her to show a reaction, any reaction to it.

She screwed up her face and pressed her hands against her ears, as if I'd just blown a fog horn right next to them. Finally something. But I couldn't leave it there. Everyone had stopped to look at us and I couldn't stand it, couldn't stand that she did nothing, didn't even fight. Her face was still screwed up and I reacted. My fist came forward and collided her face with a satisfying crunch.

She flew back and hit the wall with a smack then sunk to the ground, unconscious. But even then, her face turned peaceful, full of joy, even though she was still unconscious. How could she have the peace that I'd been longing for, practically begging for all of my life? Peace from the voice in my head that told me I was a bad person, the voice that told me I was ruining her life, the voice that told me to stop what I was doling to her before it was too late.

She looked so at peace, with her hair settled around her like a halo. I couldn't stand that could be happy, even unconscious, and look like a God damn angel while blood dripped down her head.

I reached into my bag and grabbed a pair of scissors, then I reached down and cut one strand, then another, then another, until it was all gone. Her halo broken into pieces on the floor. Without it she looked...still peaceful! Like a cancer patient, not like she should, not how I'd wanted her to! Like the ugly little freak she was!

I heard manic laughter, then realized it was coming from me. Echoing everywhere, it sounded eery in the otherwise silent corridor. Suddenly Helen's eyes flickered open and she stared down at the hair surrounding her with shock. Her hair. Her hand moved up, to feel her naked scalp.

I wanted to hurt her more, to make her feel even worse for having what I couldn't, what I never would, and before I could stop them the words spilled out of my mouth "Like the new haircut?Makes you look like the rat you are!". I stared into her eyes with malice, wishing I could take that blissful look from a few seconds ago from her.

But when I looked into her misty blue eyes, I saw something. Something I'd never forget. Something cracked inside them, something vital broke. It was like seeing a small child die. And then, all of the light, the warmth, the forgotten happiness faded from her eyes. They were just...empty.

Empty of feeling, of emotion, of any kind of caring whatsoever. I knew then, no matter what anyone said, that I had killed her. Killed her soul, her spirit, everything about her. Her heart was beating, but she was dead.

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