Sorry

Helen cannot escape Taylor and her endless taunts.
Taylor cannot escape herself and the monster she has become.

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7. 7:Helen-Broken

Finally, after 3 weeks of pure bliss, I had run out of painkillers. My mum had asked me what I was doing with them, I told her just had bad stomach ache, but she didn't believe me and stopped buying them. In the days that followed I would have settled for any kind of pills, anything to stop the constant words that pounded around my brain, banging the sides and bringing tears to my eyes.

"Nerd."

"Fa.t"

"Ugly."

But my mum had locked the medicine cabinet, not trusting me any more with anything.

At school I couldn't ignore the vicious comments like I could before, the shoves now hurt instead of feeling like a light breeze and the gum flicked in my hair brought tears to my eyes. Especially when I had to cut my long beautiful hair to get it out. I was practically bald from all the times I had had to cut the sticky balls out.

One day I came home, to find the words "Slut" scratched into my door, the wood splintered around it and clearly standing out against the baby blue paint. What were my parents going to think? Mum didn't know anything about Taylor or anyone else, only the painkillers, for I had gone to great lengths to hide it from her. What would she think when she saw her daughter so publically humiliated?

I lashed out at the door and the filthy words defiling it, putting all of the names, all of the hurt and all of the pain into it. When my fist impacted, my knuckles crunched and the pain was unbelievable. But it was also an escape, with it the pain flooded out all of the words that were burned into my brain, leaving only bright clear light.

I lashed out again, scratching at the letters with my nails, the splinters that stuck behind my nails were my saviours, all of the loneliness was forgotten as I concentrated only on the sharp feeling behind my nails and the cuts down my hands. I scratched at the door again, and again, and again. Until you could only see the splinters of paint and the pale wood behind, not the cruel word that lay behind them. It only looked like a cat had attacked the door, my mum might just believe that.

I went inside and shut the door, ignoring the blood dripping down my hands, like I had committed a murder. The only reason I washed it off, was so that my parents wouldn't see. I liked it, I liked the reminder of those moments of bliss when I could think of nothing. Each wood splinter pulled out brought a fresh wave of pain, of sweet, sweet pain. Pain that brought only silence, silence from the never-quiet voices.

When I looked at my ripped fingers, I longed for that moment again, when the words leaked out of my head. Soon. I thought.Soon I can forget it all again.

I slept well that night, I dreamt of blood dripping from the walls of the world, covering everything. Painting the world red. But the dream was happy, the red made me forget, only think of the beauty of the colour.

When I woke up the next morning, I left my hair loose. I hadn't done that in ages, because people used to wrap the gum the gum around it, which meant three times as much hair I had to cut out. I covered up the short patches and stroked the silky strands, it was one of the few reasons I was sure I was real, nothing this beautiful could be made up.

When I got to school, the usual happened, the shoves kept coming but I tried to forget, to think about last afternoon, when I had forgotten it all. I leant against the corridor wall in an attempt to clear my head.

Suddenly Taylor marched towards me, anger burning in her eyes "Don't you feel anything you lousy bitch?" she screamed in my face. The sound echoed around my head, bouncing everywhere, hurting hurting hurting hurting. I clapped my hands over my ears from the roaring sound that had started and saw Taylor's face fill with hate. Then suddenly something was launching towards me, hit my face and I flew backwards, and hit the wall. 

Suddenly my world went white. I was surrounded by it, it cocooned me up in it's warmth and light. Finally, it was over. I didn't care if I'd died, I was just so happy I had come here. I don't know how long I stayed in the white place, but it would always be not long enough.

Suddenly I heard laughter, echoing around my head, pulling me back to the world full of hate. No! I couldn't leave, I wouldn't! But my eyes flickered open, I was still there! I was surrounded by shiny pieces of white, but then my eyes focused and I saw. Saw not white, but yellow. I stared at the strands of my beautiful hair, scattered around me, like the pieces of my once happy life.

I reached a trembling hand up to feel my rough scalp, bare of it's once shining halo of light. Each strand around me represented something they had taken from me. My pride, my happiness, my intelligence, and now...my sanity.

I looked up and saw Taylor's face, smiling above me and waving the scissors. "Like the new haircut? Makes you look like the rat you are!"

That's when something inside me broke, something I had managed to hold on to all of this time.

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