Sorry

Helen cannot escape Taylor and her endless taunts.
Taylor cannot escape herself and the monster she has become.

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5. 5:Helen-Peaceful

I had been up late, looking after my little brother and had just settled down in bed to go to sleep when the first message came. My phone flashed and vibrated. That was strange, practically no-one texted me any more, only my mum or occasionally one of my old friends to wish me happy birthday, or to tell me they were changing numbers. It wasn't like I was up to my neck in messages, especially not at half eleven at night.

I opened the message curiously. It read "You're such an ugly cow." This brought tears to my eyes. Couldn't I escape from all of this, even in my own home?  I wasn't safe anywhere. The next one came a few seconds later "Hey, go die in your hole! Oh I forgot, you're so poor you got evicted from it." This one rocked me to my core, we weren't poor! We weren't well off, but we had a house, a good job and not many worries about redundancy.

They kept on coming, each a stab of ice in my heart

"Fat shit"

"Rot in hell. Oops, they kicked you out for being so ugly"

"Your mum's so fat when she walks down the street she causes an eclipse"

"You're such a show-off. You do know that nerds die at 30?"

I slammed down my phone on the floor, and ignored every beep for new messages. 

Over the weekend they kept on coming, I spent most of it in my room, reading. I never went on Facebook any more, people had written swear words on my wall so many times I had just given up and deleted my account.

At school on Monday, the taunts continued. I was constantly shoved from side to side when walking down the corridor, gum was spat into my hair and people whispered swear words in my ears whenever they passed me.

On Thursday during lunch, Taylor and her cronies stole all of my books then kicked me in the stomach, making me slide across the corridor nearly 2 meters. My knees were bleeding badly afterwards, blood dripping down my legs. But I couldn't let a teacher see, they'd want the truth of what happened, I knew Taylor would kill me if I told anyone. So with the spiteful comments swimming around my head, I walked out of school. We had Art in the afternoon, my favourite subject, but I couldn't face it. Mum and Dad would be out at work, and Jamie would be at playgroup so I would have the house to myself. I had bunked school, for the first time.

By the time I got home, my knees were stinging like they'd been stung by a hundred hornets, so when I got in I grabbed some painkillers from the cupboard and swallowed 3. Within a few minutes I could hardly feel anything in my knees, or anything else at all. My head felt strangely light, like I was above everything else, and I found that I could forget about everything. I picked up my phone and checked my messages, 20 new ones, each more horrible than the last. But I found that when I read them, my eyes no longer filled with tears, the words didn't imprint themselves onto my brain and my phone didn't feel like a red hot poker. In fact I felt nothing when I read them, only pity for those that had sent them. I was in a world above them, where I could no longer be hurt.

I found that painkillers were a way to escape my life. I found that if I swallowed 2 every morning I could deal with Taylor's shoves and comments, the swear words thrown my way and the text messages. Whenever I took more, it was even better. Once I had 5, and I walked around, hardly noticing anything, just in a state of total bliss in my own private world where nothing and no-one could hurt me. The words didn't stop hurting though, I'd just found a way to block them out.

I didn't know what I was going to do when my stock ran out. I told my mum I was having my periods so that she would buy more, but eventually she'd become suspicious. I tried not to worry though, just enjoy it while it lasted.

Finally my world was peaceful.

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