Always for her

She moved slowly, like her muscles wouldn’t work quickly enough. She wiped a strand of red hair out of her brown vacant eyes, she looked like she was falling and struggling to focus. I wrapped her hands around mine, ruined and cut. Her hands where slow and unmoving as she watched up into my watery eyes. My stomach’s tossing; I look into her eyes as she smiles uncharacteristically,
“I’m sorry, Lilac.” She whispered croakily in small quick gasps, her voice stuttering and her eyes attempting to smile, her cracked lips began to bleed. I nodded,
“No, Hope. Stay still.” I say worriedly, propping her head up with ripped bloody jacket, pushing her shoulder down slightly but firmly. She nodded hesitantly; the bloody gorge in her stomach stopped her chest from moving in and out. I don’t want to cry, I am strong. I was strong. But seeing her dying face in my ruined arms, made my heart collapse. She was the closest thing I had to hope, and now she was dead. Her name, Hope. I knew once she smiled


17. Elisia


I was late as far as I remember, his present was in my bag closest to my chest and my hair was flowing over my shoulders so the other girls wouldn’t recognise me. I reached the wire and slipped away unnoticed. Reached the town, again unseen. I could hear a different laugh, it was a girl’s laugh. I suddenly halted. My blood ran cold, and then Lloyd’s voice came startling me.


Surely he wasn’t in there with her, was he? I remained pressed against the curve in the wall as I waited for something else to reassure me that the girl would soon be leaving. But nothing happened for a short while. His present dug further into my pocket, I silently pulled it out and then with out entering the room, I retrieved my bow and aimed for the room. I was surprised by my shot and rather pleased. It split the air between them and struck the wall the present strung the tenseness between them. A small squeak exploded from the girls startled lips, as she lunged towards Lloyd in protection. This automatically annoyed me, perhaps I was jealous. Who knows? I grabbed another arrow and was ready to fire when I caught Lloyd’s eye. He had seen me hidden in the alcove, of course he knew it was me proberly instantly but I still felt slightly annoyed he had figured it out so quickly.

“What are you doing here Lilac?” he demanded, I instantly felt annoyed and betrayed. He was only four months older than me and he was treating me like a two year old.

“Surprising you. Happy Birthday!” I said irritated and turned to the wall, looking at the pretty skinny blonde girl with instant exasperation


“You are?” I asked, she looked at Lloyd feverously who was now staring at me with infuriation written all over his pretty boy face.

“Elisia.” She whispered slightly frightened. I didn’t recognise her from school. But her long blonde hair and bright blue eyes didn’t shock me. She was from outside the school.


 He had picked up a ‘bird’ as the boys used to call them. Girls that thought they where better than us training girls you can say that the boy’s agreed. They had prettier hair and darker skin and perfect shapes. They were perfect. The bird watched me with a frightened expression, but she also looked at me like I was vermin, dirty scuttling vermin. My cheeks had dirt smeared on them; my hair was escaping from its original style and now looked scruffy, my dress was slightly torn around the hem and my boots where laced with a thick ribbon of mud.


I smiled at her in a mocking way

“Lilac.” I said presenting her with a dirty hand. She looked like she was about to shudder. Lloyd looked at me with an enraged expression on his beautiful face. I suddenly felt useless until she spoke again rearing up more unknown anger

“What is she doing here?” Elisia asked her lip curling at my appearance. I felt like slapping her and looking back on the moment I wish I had. I looked at Lloyd expecting him to stand up for me. But he didn’t, he shook his head and then turned to me

“I don’t know.” he said, I could feel the heated tears of anger in my eyes. But I would not show them mercy.


 I lunged for the package I had sent hurtling through the room and tore away the neatly wrapped newspaper and rolled the small pocket knife around my hand, avoiding the blade and then dropped it. The dagger sliced the floor board stuck in place, I turned to Elisia spat at her feet and then sprinted off. I didn’t go back to school, I curled up in the undergrowth and wept and cried for hours. No-one followed me, nobody even bothered to come looking for me.


 I was both relieved and hurt. My lungs felt sore from crying, my fingers where cut from scrapping away the dirty soil of the undergrowth and catching brambles in the process, my back ached from the position I was in cramped under the ground shoved behind a wall of moss. I longed for Lloyd to come and find me tell me he was dump and that I was his. But of course my life wasn’t a story book. He never came. It began to get dark, I had missed a whole day of training. My punishment was clear. The sky was begging to get dark, a deep smog covered the small villiage leaking out to the undergrowth where I lay shivering, my heavy coat around my small shoulders. I finally moved, shifting my weight. I realised how squashed I was curled up here, I pulled my way out, cutting my bare arms and ripping my dress. I broke into a run, and I didn’t stop until I reached the barbed wire. I knew people would be angry with me, I properly had gotten the whole training session in massive trouble. I made it for the dorm. But I was caught in the corridor by Miss Harpter. The rule keeper, she turned to me strict expression covered her pale cracked lips as she looked at me, covered in mud.

“Where have you been?” she demanded, she didn’t bother to keep her voice down. covering me with a pile of spit. I avoided a shiver

“No where.” I whispered, looking at my shoes.

“You missed training and dinner.” She said, in fairness to me we had the option of missing dinner. But not training, never training.

“Sorry, Mam.” I whispered worriedly. Her cold hand stung as she slapped me across the cheek, leaving a swelling mark. I was going to be the laughing stock of the year. I didn’t whimper, I continued to stare at my shoes. Her rough hands clasped me by the chin and shook my head, throttling me.

“Don’t do it again.” she hissed and releasing me with a shove and then continued down the corridor. I remained hunched against the wall for a few seconds and then I readjusted my self and scampered to bed on my bed lay a note around it a small red ribbon, inside it read: Sorry. – L



“Lloyd needs to see you.” Hope said after washing her hair and face. She checked her wound in her leg, only a red scar lay on her leg. I smiled to myself

“He can come here.” I said stubbornly, she blinked and shook her head

“No. I need you two to speak. Okay?” She asked. She clearly wasn’t taking no for an answer. I sighed and pulled myself to my feet. This was going to be difficult. Not to long ago I told Lloyd that there was a problem with him loving me. I shook the dirt off of me and stalked across the woodland and bumped right into Lloyd

“Can I speak to you please?” I asked, he nodded he didn’t look interested at all. I stuttered and grasped his hand.

“Come on, can I show you something?” I asked, his eyes softened slightly but he didn’t answer but I took this as a yes. I slipped my fingers through his. I felt suddenly secure. I lead him through the over grown woodland, up to the peak. It was the most beautiful scene, the lake lay under us, deep, rocks shouldering them and big blossom trees and petals in the water. I felt him clench and then turn to me, cupping both of my hands

“Care for a swim?” I ask grinning way too cheerily, but I didn’t care. I needed to pretend I was free and nobody owned me. I need it like air. I pulled off my jumper and jeans and heavy leather boots and flung myself into the water, my hand still gripped tightly around Lloyds as I plummeted into the cold water as it rushed over me, I smiled and grasped onto Lloyd he held me close

“I am so sorry.” I whispered and kissed him softly.  


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