Don't change

I was tired of being the geek, the loner, the fat one. I wanted more than one friend. I wanted to be popular, pretty, sexy. So I got a makeover..

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34. The Aftermath

--Alex--

When I was younger, much younger, I had watched a documentary about tsunamis. These giant waves of destruction fascinated me, and before I watched this programme I had read a book on tsunamis, and I thought I knew everything there was to know about tsunamis.

It turned out, I didn't. I watched this programme and saw scenes that no 7 year old should see. Houses destroyed, cars upside-down and mothers weeping over their dead children's mangled bodies. How could such a beautiful cascade of water cause such horrors? I couldn't understand it. The narrator told spoke all about this destruction, the aftermath, he called it. The aftermath, where even many of those who had survived the tsunami would die. 

I empathised with these people than I ever had before, that day. Even though what has happened to me is just an insignificant drop in a sea of misery compared to them, I still felt it.

When I woke up that morning, I felt like I had been hit by a destructive wave. The sky was blue and the sun was shining, but it felt like there were dark shadows everywhere, draped over my furniture like discarded, dirty clothes. I had no determination left in me - I had done everything I could, I had told her the truth of what was happening, I had told her how much I loved her, I had kissed her. Didn't she feel the sparks? How could she not feel it?

Maybe I'd been wrong about her all this time. Maybe she had never liked me at all, even before her makeover. Maybe she had used me, as a stepping stone between her and everyone else. Maybe she had lied to me all this time.

Maybe I shouldn't feel this way.

Maybe I didn't need Maya.

Maybe I could should her how it feels.

Maybe I could change.

And what could she do about that?

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