Lord Potatoson

We've all heard of the freaks of nature that pass for super heros. And no one has ever stopped to think about the less well known ones. So I'm here to change that.


5. Chapter 4


“Argh!” Arnie screeched as row upon row of carrots launched themselves through the air towards him. He tried his best to dodge them, but being better known for sitting on his ass doing bugger all, the millionaire was bitten several times. So instead he just ran around screaming a lot- much to the amusement of the 23 gardeners that had crowded round the kitchen window to watch the show.

Arnie would probably have screamed several choice words in their direction had he not already been focused on trying to stay alive. Grabbing a discarded pitchfork, he began to brandish it madly with no real sense of what he was doing.

“Oh look, Kebab!” He declared as more and more of the little orange vegetables became impaled on the spikes of the gardening utensil. For a while this worked, and slowly Arnie began to think he was out of danger and could move onto the more pressing matter of just how many bloody carrots the gardeners had planted. That was until he saw the carrots begin to wriggle their way off the pitchfork.

“Oh you have GOT to be kidding me!” He exclaimed, dropping his weapon and taking up his former tactic of running like hell. Whenever he wasn’t running he was desperately searching for something to fend off the vegetables.

And then Arnie made one of the biggest mistakes of his life (it probably came after trying to kidnap Elmo on his bad idea’s list) he stopped running. The frantic footsteps and gnashing of teeth had stopped, and he wanted to know why. But when he turned around, he was horrified at what he saw. All the carrots had positioned themselves in a pyramid shape, and where preparing to jump. Before he could do anything, dozens of carrots launched themselves at him, knocking him to the ground.

“Goodbye Cruel World!” Arnie cried in the most dramatic way possible, hand across forehead as thousands of pairs of teeth made their way towards his botoxed face. 

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