Sorrow

A girl in the rain.

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1. Sorrow

It was a dismal day in April.  The rain pelted down with a vengeance, as though the heavens were weeping for some great injustice.

Only a few were brave enough to venture out.  All were wearing heavy rain coats and hats, or carrying umbrellas, and scurrying to get out of the rain.  All except the figure slouched on a park bench underneath a willow tree.

The tree provided little shelter from the rain.  But it made no difference to the girl, Helen.  She could not feel the cold rain that pelted her skin and soaked her clothes.  It could have been morning or afternoon.  Not that she cared.  She was numb to the world.

She would have been pretty, were it not for the dark shadows underneath her eyes, which made her naturally pale skin even paler; or the clothes that now clung to her thin form like a second skin.  Her dark brown hair was made even darker by the rain that now saturated it, making it resemble a drowned rat.  Anyone who knew her would be shocked at her bedraggled appearance, as she normally took good care of her appearance.

Her eyes were red and puffy, either from crying or lack of sleep, and her nose was red.  If she was crying now, anyone who saw wouldn’t have been able to tell for the rain as she made no sound and sat so still.

Helen’s mind, on the other hand, was anything but still; a whirlwind of thoughts chased each other and ran around in her head.

Why ... Why did he leave me? ... Why did he choose her? ... What did I do wrong? ...What didn’t I do? ...Wasn’t I pretty enough? ...Was I too thin? ... Was it the clothes I wear? ... Would he have stayed with me if...?

Round and round these thoughts went in her head, never stopping; making her light-headed.  It didn’t help that she hadn’t eaten for hours.

Normally, anyone would eventually become angry, but Helen was so drained that she couldn’t summon the energy to be angry.  Nor could she bring herself to pay any attention to her surroundings.  She hadn’t even noticed that the rain had now stopped.

Helen, though she didn’t physically feel the cold.  Gradually, she began to notice that a lot of time had passed since she had first sat down on the bench.

‘Maybe I should think of getting home,’ she murmured to herself.

Wrapping her arms around herself, she stood up and began to slowly walk to the house she lived in with her parents.

As she walked, she again went over the things that she did, and what she could have done.  She winces as she once again hears his parting words in her head.

And still she could not become angry.

Now, the question is: what will she do now?

 

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