Would You Like Brains With That?

Currently re-writing.

Portal Keepers Book 1.
A job at a café for the Undead, a ghost best friend, and an annoying handsome vampire protector. Danira has it all.

Danira isn't your average girl. For generations her family has looked after the portal that links the Realm of the Undead to the Realm of the Living, by running a cafe for the Undead that are travelling through the portal. Then news reaches Danira and her parents that the Vampire Lords want to take over control of the portal and wreak havock amoung the Realm of the Living.
An adventure of hot vampires, zombies, ghosts, mummies, and life-threatening danger is thrust upon Danira, and she must try her best to protect the Realm of the Living, by preventing the Vampire Lords from obtaining the Infinity Blade, which has the power to change the portal. As well as saving her world can Danira resist the dashing vampires that cross her path? Some are more dangerous than others.

Cover by Zillah Designs.


4. Eavesdropping and a Certain Dark Haired Vampire


Bertie took one look at Dad and disappeared again. I silently cursed him for leaving me alone with Dad who was in a foul mood, and had made me pack a horrendous amount of weapons against the Undead in my handbag. Inside was my purse, my mobile phone, a stake, a small container of holy water, a lighter, an enchanted dagger and a small tub of salt. Good job I had such a big handbag.

“Is this it?” Dad grumbled once we reached the cinema.

“Yep,” seeing that he was going to stay with me I added. “My friends are just up the road, you can go.”

He squinted at the three figures in the distance.

“Please Dad,” I said practically pushing him in the opposite direction to my friends. “I’ll text you when I’ve finished.”

As soon as Dad had finally left, Bertie burst into view.


I jumped and gave a laugh. “Hey, Bertie. How are you?”

“Fine thanks. Your dad didn’t look too happy.” he grinned. “Oh by the way before I forget, you know I said I would see if anything was happening in the Realm of the Undead?” at my nod he continued. “Well I did, and it sounds like the Vampire Lords are up to something.”

“When are they not?” I muttered, watching as my friends slowly got nearer.

“I’m not sure exactly what they’re doing but I think it’s big.”

Rubbing my temple I replied. “That would explain the way my parents and all the vampires are acting.”

“Yeah so after the movie I’ll go back to the Realm of the Undead and see what else I can find out.” Bertie told me.

“Thanks Bertie.”

“Danira!” Faith cried, running up to me. She wrapped her arms around me, winding me slightly.

“Hey.” I managed to wheeze.

Gina gave a unhappy sigh. “Can we go inside already?”

Faith hastily released me and Debbie gave me a small smile.


I couldn’t concentrate on the movie at all. Bertie spent the whole time pulling funny faces trying to make me laugh.

“What’s with you?” Gina demanded huffily when we left the cinema. “You’re so distracted. I had to repeat what I said like five times.”

Debbie pushed her glasses up her nose saying. “You’re not meant to talk during the film anyway.”

Gina sent her a glare.

Feeling guilty I tried to ignore Bertie who was doing a rather good imitation of Gina. “I’m sorry guys. I’m just not feeling very well.”

“We’re going to the shopping centre, are you coming?” Faith asked hopefully.

I felt bad about saying no, but Bertie would only keep on distracting me if I did.

“Ok then, if you’re sure.” Debbie said downcast.

“Yeah, you guys have fun. I’ll see you on Monday.”

Watching as they walked away I quickly sent Dad a text. He was not in the mood for me to even consider disobeying him. I didn’t even want to think about the punishments he would dish out if I did walk home by myself. A shudder ran down my spine as I remembered the time he had made me reattach a zombie’s foot. It had been so gross.

Bertie was hovering beside me and I sent him a glare.

He gave me a sheepish smile. “Hey I’m sorry. I don’t get out much.” I raised an eyebrow and Bertie added. “Ok, well I don’t do normal stuff very often.”

“Yeah neither do I.”


Mum was surprised to see me home so early. “I thought you were going to stay out longer?” she asked.

I answered with a shake of my head, my eyes on Dad.

He was eyeing his watch. “I’ve got to see a man about a dog.”

Mum and I stared after him in confusion as he left.

“Is he being serious?” I asked.

She sighed. “I honestly can’t tell anymore.”

Dumping my heavy handbag on the table, I got ready for a long shift at the café.


I was carrying a glass filled tray when a vampire slapped me on the ass.

“Some more blood over here, sweetheart.”

Turning slowly to face him and his creepy friends I said calmly. “You have to finish your drinks first.”

I moved to walk away but the vampire grabbed my wrist with a cold, pale hand.

“No, we want them now.” his pupils were contracting, a sure sign that he was about to compel me.

“You heard what she said.” Ridge was suddenly at my side, his face thunderous with anger.

The vampires exchanged a glance and my wrist was released. They stood up silently and left the café. It looked like Ridge had a reputation of some kind then, or I just wasn’t worth the hassle.

Sighing I gathered up their half full glasses. “You didn’t need to do that.” I told Ridge, pushing past him.

He followed me into the humid kitchen. “If I hadn’t stepped in he would have compelled you, Danira.”

“I don’t need your help. I’ve survived this long without your chivalrous acts.” I snapped putting all the dirty glasses into the dishwasher.

“But your father is usually around.” he commented.

It was true that when Dad was around the vampires wouldn’t dare try anything, but Dad still hadn’t returned from his meeting. I hoped that nothing bad had happened to him.

Mum was restocking the fridge with blood bags. With a distrusting glance at Ridge she said to me. “We’re running low on blood. How many vampires are out there?”

I peered out of the hole in the kitchen wall that we sometimes used as a serving hatch. “There are a lot of them. Apart from one zombie, the café is filled with vampires.” leaning back against the counter I asked Ridge. “Why is that? The café has never been this popular with vampires before.”

Ridge’s expression was undecipherable as he shrugged. “I’m not sure. Maybe it’s because it’s nearly Halloween.”

I arched an eyebrow to show that I didn’t believe a word he had just said. “It’s over a month till Halloween. Whatever. You shouldn’t be in here, shoo.”

Surprisingly he did as I ordered and returned to his table in the corner. I filled several glasses with blood before taking them out to the café.

Approaching a table with a group of eight vampires around it, I caught some of their conversation.

“... surely they must suspect something.” a broad shouldered vampire whispered.

A redhead gave a snort. “They’re humans, of course they don’t. Do you think that they would let their daughter serve us like this if they did?”

My hands trembled as I placed their drinks on the table. They were talking about me.

I felt their eyes on me as I walked away, and they didn’t resume the conversation until I was out of earshot.


I was so consumed in my thoughts as I entered my room that it took me a while to realise that I wasn’t alone.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I demanded furiously.

Ridge was lying on my bed flicking through one of my books. He looked up at me and smiled. “I didn’t have a chance to thank you earlier for letting me stay the other night.”

Scowling I commented. “I didn’t. You came back when I was asleep!”

He perched himself on the edge of my bed. “Yes but I still felt that I should thank you.”

Unhappily I plonked myself down on my desk chair and crossed my arms and legs. “Well you can go now then.”

Ridge grinned and didn’t move an inch.

An idea suddenly popped into my head. “I know about the Vampire Lords plan.” I said, trying to appear indifferent as I examined my nails.

He looked surprised. “You do? Your parents know and they still let you work in the café?” he sounded rather horrified.

“It’s why you’ve been hanging around here so much isn’t it?” I leaned forward in my chair, eager to see if my guess was right. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you sitting there in the corner watching me. Tell me what you know.”

Ridge seemed speechless. After a while he asked. “How much do you know?”

“That the Vampire Lords want to take over the Realm of the Living.” I replied, hazarding a guess. Knowing the Vampire Lords, it would probably be something along those lines.

“Then you don’t know the worst of it.” he whispered.

A chill ran through me. What could be worse than that?

I wheeled my chair forwards slightly. “Tell me.”

Raising his dark eyes to meet mine, Ridge said. “There is a ceremonial sword that was forged at the Beginning of Time called the Infinity Blade. It was used to create the portal that links the two realms. The Vampire Lords want to use it to change the nature of the portal so that it favours the Undead, and not the living like it does at the moment.”

I remembered Dad telling me once that the portal favoured the living because it only let a certain number of the Undead into the Realm of the Living each day. So if the Vampire Lords succeeded in allowing more, or even all, of the Undead through the portal, they would wreak havoc and destroy everything.

“How could they change its nature?”

“By sacrificing a human,” Ridge answered. “The Infinity Blade needs a blood sacrifice, unless is it wielded by one worthy of its power.”

My blood ran cold in my veins. “That’s... that’s terrible! They really plan to do this? And the sacrifice, can it be any human? Who is worthy of the Infinity Blade’s power?”

“I’ve already said too much.” Ridge stood up looking uncomfortable and straightened his cape.

“Wait,” I said wide eyed. “You have to tell me more! Please answer my questions.”

Shaking his head he opened my window. “Goodnight, Danira.” in the blink of an eye he was gone.

I gaped after him in disbelief. How could he just disappear like that after telling me the Vampire Lords plan? I had so many questions for him. Feeling exasperated I lay down on my bed. At least I knew what the Vampire Lords were up to now. But if they succeeded then everyone in the Realm of the Living was doomed.

I jolted upright suddenly hopeful. Surely if the Vampire Lords already had this Infinity Blade then they would have used it by now? That meant that they didn’t have it yet. Perhaps there was hope after all.

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