A Complete and Utter Nonsensical Story

Umm..., I suppose you're reading this because you didn't read the title. The title really is very self-explanatory, so go and read it again if you are having trouble understanding the concept of this story.


2. What's the Time?

Approximately five hours afterwards, Albert arrived at the small hill in which he worked. He congratulated himself on getting there in so short a time, but once he'd finished congratulating himself, he realised that he was late. 'Oh, dear!' he thought, 'It's seven o'clock and I need to be here at eight.' He rectified this by spending an hour riding his little bicycle along the lake. As water splashed all around him, as he narrowly avoided being attacked by some vicious fish, he wondered what the time was. He rejoiced to see that it was eight o'clock, so he cycled around for another two hours and arrived with perfect timing.

Once again, he was very punctual. He walked through the archway into his workspace.

"Hello, boss! Hello, colleague!" said Albert. The name of his colleague was Victor Saddlington.  The name of his boss was Frederick Steinerhorf.

"Right," said his boss. "Saddle, you go and wake the salmon. When he is done, Flimple, you can send them back to sleep." And so that was what they did.

Albert was only at work for one hour, so they did this continuously for ninety minutes and then had a lunch break that lasted precisely eleven minutes. As the evening began to dawn, Albert walked home. He checked his watch. It was precisely half-past one in the morning. As he watched the sun set behind him, he wondered whether the hill in which he lived would still be there, for it had rained that afternoon and the rain sometimes made the hills disappear. It had rained an awful lot when it was twelve o'clock at night.

When he got home, he heard the clock strike one.

"Ahh," he said. He slept for precisely three hours and woke up when it was ten o'clock at night. He managed to go back to sleep again rather swiftly. He achieved this by using a very strong and heavy brass kettle. Finally, he woke up. He sat himself in the window seat and watched the setting sun.

"I wonder what the time is," he said to himself.

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