A Complete and Utter Nonsensical Story

Umm..., I suppose you're reading this because you didn't read the title. The title really is very self-explanatory, so go and read it again if you are having trouble understanding the concept of this story.


4. Henry

Albert was just getting out of bed when he found a letter inside his head. The letter was to say that he had to go to the land of Kilcraw to find a special crochet needle; he had to knit his boss a wooden jumper as he was getting hot, due to the fact that the winter winds were blowing most dreadfully. He claimed to need it very much.

Albert went downstairs and had his breakfast; a steak and kidney pie. He pondered over whether to take his English herring with him on the journey. He decided not to, due to the fact that he thought that there might be a lack of wellington boots. Therefore, he simply said goodbye to it and set off on his merry way.

After five hours of walking, he decided that it would be a good idea to have a rest at that precise moment, so he waited for another two and a half hours before doing so. He had a break for five minutes and roughly an hour later, he set off again. He was in very high spirits because of his brief rest. Albert set off until he was approximately halfway there when he met a bear called Henry, showing off his new red cardigan.

"Hello, young bear!" said Albert, "What is your name?"

"My name," said the bear, "is Henry."

"That's a very nice red cardigan you have there, Henry." said Albert.

"Ah, yes," said Henry, "it has been formulated by the down that can be found inside the egg of the German trout."

"Would that work with an English herring?" asked Albert.

"Oh, no," said Henry, "that would produce a fairly pale yellow cardigan. Why don't you come over for dinner? We'll be having some freshly grown sausages garnished with coal from the dew tree."

"That sounds awfully good," said Albert. "Where exactly do you live?"

"Oh, basically, you have to go past the three rivers," said Henry. "Then, you must go over the mound overlooking them. After that, you must walk around the coppice to the left of that six times, whilst reciting Roald Dahl's version of "The Owl and the Pussycat."

Albert, henceforth, set about doing so, with carefree abandon. Once he arrived at the house, he set his eyes upon a large table, filled with a great feast of the finest sausage and coal, formed into a great sandwich.

"Must we take the other table off?" asked Albert.

"Oh, no. That can be eaten as well." replied Henry.

And so, they both sat down to the great, great feast. They ate for an hour or more, and then stopped.

"My, what a splendid feast that was!" exclaimed Albert.

"Oh, indeed," said Henry, "They're always as good as this, and they always take us just a few minutes to eat, as did this one."

"Let us go digging for copperplates," suggested Albert.

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