A Complete and Utter Nonsensical Story

Umm..., I suppose you're reading this because you didn't read the title. The title really is very self-explanatory, so go and read it again if you are having trouble understanding the concept of this story.


1. The Beginning

Mr Albert Flimplecropper was on his way to work one morning. He was an ordinary man, but he was a child at heart. He always played practical jokes, and today was no exception. Albert was planning on putting a whoopee-cushion on his colleague's chair, or perhaps he could put super-glue on the end of his boss's pen, or he could do both. He was only a few metres away from work when he passed Charles Ruddins, a young elderly man. He was digging up lemons in his garden.

"Hello, Charles!" called Albert.

"Hello, Albert!" replied Charles.

"What are you going to use those lemons for?" Albert asked.

"I'm going to make them into a steak and kidney pudding."

"Oh, good. I love pork, don't you?"

"Oh, yes. Nothing beats a fine cut of sheep." replied Charles.

"Anyway, I must be off. I need to go and send some salmon to sleep (although it came out like: send some salmon some sleep). I will do this with a very strong and heavy brass kettle."

"And how are you going to wake them up again?" asked Charles.

"Why, I'm going to drop a rubber wellington boot on their heads, of course. Anyway, I truly must must be going now, otherwise I'll be early."

"Oh, no we wouldn't want that, would we? Goodbye, Albert!"

"Goodbye Charles!" And with that, Albert continued on his way to work until he got there, because it wouldn't have been wise to carry on.

As he passed a small hill, he saw Lucy Kettleworth. She had died last week and stilll wasn't buried yet. He watched as she roamed around, picking some fish to go in an apple pie. 'I wonder when she'll be buried,' he thought.

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