He's the Reason

Failing to find any reason to be happy, Rita Daniels has become seriously depressed over the years, and has resulted to self harm. Her life over the past couple of years have been filled with nothing but sadness and heartbreak. Now, Rita's at a new school where she's already become famous because of her self harm, all because she made a few mistakes.

With each day the goes by, Rita loses even more hope about her ever finding happiness and a reason to live until she meets the one person who's determined to become her reason.

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1. Another broken promise

 

Another deffening scream left my quivering lips only to be softened by the pillow that my face was buried into. The waterfall of tears that left my olive green bloodshot eyes continued to stream down my face, soaking the pillow. A few shaky, whimpering breaths left my lips before I flipped over onto my back so that I was facing up towards the ceiling. I squeezed my eyes tight shut, the tears continued to fall. A few seconds passed before they shot open once again. 

 

My hands flew to my wooden bedside table where they retrieved my pain relief: My razor blade. I sat up carefully, holding onto my blade with my left hand and my fathers phone which I've not let go of once. I stared down at my lap where my hands were placed. I took a deep breath before I unlocked my fathers iPhone once again to re-read the text that re-started my tears. 

 

Sarah: Fine. You might as well arrange for Rita to stay up there again the next time you're out. I'm fed up of her mooching around the house. The sooner she leaves school the better.

 

My breath hitched in my throat as my fists clenched in anger. The tears doubled and even more whimpers left my shaking mouth. Then suddenly, I erupted. It all happened in a blur. The phone crashed into the wall with a bang before I fell to the floor, making it smash into a million pieces before my very eyes. The blade followed quickly after, sliding across my wrist next to all my other scars, cutting deep into my skin. 

 

Once I finally realised what was going on the blood stained blade fell out of my shaking hands onto the floor beside my bed as I watched the red liquid pouring out of my wrist and down my arm. I fell back onto my ocean of blankets with a small sigh as a few tears continued to fall down my face. The pain was starting to leave my heart slowly to be replaced my a pain in my wrist. 

 

For the next couple of minutes I lay in silence. Every now and then I would sniffle and let small whimpers leave my still shaking cracked lips. My tears had reduced in amount, leaving my face tear stained and patchy, my hair was knotted, messy and damp from a mixture of my tears and sweat, my arm was stained red from my blood and my gash was stinging as it touched the air around me and I felt too weak to move my body in anyway but at the minute, I just couldn't care. My mind was somewhere else. 

 

I had failed. I've failed miserably and I have another scar to prove it. I've broken my promise and tuned it into yet again another lie. Oh how he must hate me, for almost destroying our friendship once again with my foolishness and selfishness. I'm nothing but a liar and I deserve to die.

 

He would disagree of course. He always disagrees, even when i'm on the brink of making my wishes come true. He would tell me how beautiful, talented, smart, creative, brave, trustworthy, funny, down to earth and most of all Strong I am. What a load of bullshit! If I was any of those things I'd be using them to get out of this mess, not letting them be a part of the reason. But I let him tell me those lies anyway, let him think that'a the reason he's winning. That's not the reason i'm still here of course, He's the reason. 

 

He's the reason i'm hanging on to what little life I have now. He's the reason I wake up in the morning, he's the reason I fall asleep at night, he's the reason I still go to school, He's the reason I actually face the human population, he's the reason I'm trying to stay strong, he's the reason why I'm feeling so bad about everything that's just happened. 

 

I promised him that I'd stop. I promised him that i would never think about hurting myself ever again. I'm a liar of course, I always have been and i'm pretty sure I always will be. If only he was here now, he'd be able to see how I completely destroyed our promise, lied to his face and destroyed myself in the process. Then again, if he were actually here he'd have his arms wrapped around me telling me everything was okay, telling me that i've got him and I don't need anyone else, that it's me and him till the very end. He'd make sure i'd never hurt myself ever again, he'd protect me from everyone, especially myself. He'd be my everything, like he always is. 

 

I weakly held up my wrist to get a better view at the damage. It was pretty deep, luckily I failed to hit a vein so i'd have to live another unfortunate day on this planet. I placed my arm back down again next to me on my bed before I squeezed my eyes tight shut. A few tears trickled down my cheeks as I once again began to think of my hero, Jason, 

 

Tonight, like every night, he'll be in my dreams, protecting me while I sleep. 

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