One last breath

What to do if nobody accept you as you are?

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1. Forever

The metal railing shafe under my bare feet when I climb on to it. With a few unsecure steps I find my balance. The big storm is almost above me now and the black sea is restless waiting for me to jump. I can feel it in every bone of my body. It wants me to jump. Just a few minutes more then the sea can take me in it's deadly arms. And slowely drown me with it's salty water. Waves are crashing against the shore where the sea turn into a river which I'm standing above now. I'm pleased the river have many underflows. That way it all might seem like an accident. Except I don't want it to. I want everyone to know I did this for all they've ever said or done. Thats why I left the note.

The storm is more ahead of me now. Not long now. just a few seaconds and it will all be perfect. Rain's smashing against my face when I look up at the sky. Is it really rain or is it just heaven breaking? I don't know which. It doesn't matter, I can't care for anything anymore.

It's above me now. The beautiful storm who's killing me. A lightning cross the sky. It's time. I breathe in my one last breath. Tears combined with rain are pouring down my cheeks. This is it. I slowely close my eyes after looking at the horison one last time. I feel the sharp edge under my bare toes. Just one step then it'll all be over. One big thunder sound at the same time as a scream. But I can hear it. Maybe someone noticed me. I take the step. But I'm not falling. I'm tumbling around but I'm not drowning. When I feel something warm around me I open my eyes. And look directly into Markus brown eyes, just as warm as him. Except now his warm eye's are angry and therefore cold.

"No" He say. Thats all. He don't want me to jump. I'm not a dog. So instead of doing what he tells me I grap hold of the railing again and pull myself against it. With him not letting go. I scream at him to let me. Let me jump. It's all for the best anyway. "I can't let you" I scream at the thunderclouds above my head. They were suppose to kill me!

"Let go of me!" I punch him several times to make him hurt enough to let me go. Actually I think it hurts me more hurting him then the other way around. Mentally anyway. I can't stand seeing him sad. Thats why I left the note. I just didn't think he'd see it before I had already done what I planned to do. Jump of this bridge into to the freezing cold water.

"Oliver!" he shout at me trying to get my detention. "Oliver! Litsen to me!" He grab me by my waist and pull me back so I'm standing on the stable concrete bridge again. Then he let go and take hold of my arms instead. "You can't do this!" I break loose from his grip but he just grab my arms again. He shake my shoulders a little bit. Maybe to get a little bit sense of me. Which is not working so well. "We'll get through this!" He scream to be heard over the thunder.

"No we wont!" I shake my head. "It's to late"

"I know you..."

"Yes you know!" My scream is shrill even to my own ears. "So why are you trying to stop me!?" My a-little-too-long hair is hanging down my eyes so I can barely see Markus. "I can't take any more of this!" I try to brake loose again.

"Neither can I, but we'll make it through! When we're eighteen we can move to Peru or someplace else far from here!"

"No we can't! You have you'r sister to take care of!"

"That doesn't matter!" He shake my shoulders again. "All that matter is you and me!" A lightning lightens the sky so I can see his face. I did secretly hope I'd get to see his face one last time. Now I have.

"It do matter! And even if we do move to Peru I'd still have to go my last year in school here. And I can't take anymore of their bullying and name callings!"

"Then don't litsen to them!"

"I can't stop, I've tried! Their always in my head no matter what I do!" Markus strokes the darkblonde hair of my face.

"People talk to me that way too. But when it gets to much for me to handle I just think of you and they all just dissapear like a bug on the wrong side of the glass. All I can ever hear is you" The storm is a little bit calmer and so is Markus.

"I have to do it Markus, I can't live like this my whole life" I look him directly into his eyes. His sadness is like one of those clouds hanging over our heads.

"You'r mom will get over it, and the kids in you'r school... They'll calm down, they wont bug you for ever"

"It's been a year now. No body is letting me be. Just face it, we're not ment to be" Something's changing in his eyes.

"Don't talk like that! You know we are!" The storm is at it's full power again so Markus is screaming. Again. I look out at the sea.

"And you know I love you, but I can't do it! I can't live in a world where no one accept me as I am. Where it's not okay to be gay"

"Then we'll travel to Norway!" He put his hands on each side of my face looking in to my eyes. "I don't care where I am as long as I'm with you"

I can't help smiling a bit. He and his cheesy lines. I bet he took that one straight out of a movie. The rain is if possible pouring more than it did before. Being near him makes me want to live just a bit longer. But I know I can't live for ever so why not die young? Markus puts his arms around me giving me a forever lasting hug. I breathe in his sent one last time and feel his warmth against me. He wisper into my ear that we'll always be together no matter what and it'll all be okay. No matter how this end. I can't smile anymore now that I'm understanding what he's saying. Is he really saying...?

"No you can't..." He pull away from me but instantly take my hand.

"Come" Another lighting crosses the sky. I would protest more if I only could. Markus lead me to the railing. This time letting me climb up. Only cause he's climbing besides me. When standing looking down at the deadly river he takes my hand. "On three?" He's eyes focusing on me trying to figure out if this is what I want. I nod. Even though this would be easier without him. I don't want him to die too.

"Mark..." I look at him. He take a step closer to me.

"Forever" Without any of us falling we kiss eachother. Like never before. If I knew our last kiss would be this intense I might have done this earlier.

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