Trapped

Tom – no one knows the torment he feels, the rejection and the inner battle he fights every day. An existence of two people in one body, forever in conflict.

Christie – a little different to normal but what’s normal anyway? She has grown to like herself and accept that we are all human beings regardless of appearance and sexuality.

This is a portrayal of Tom’s frustrations and Christies acceptance and forgiveness.

-entry into the bullying competition :)

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6. What Happens After English-Christie

Nothing had changed. It had only been two days, not a lot of time for a person to change, but I had sort of hoped that he could finally see the lack of hope in my eyes. Maybe he could become a different person, if only he knew how. But who would teach him? Who would give him the time of day? He sees nothing wrong with him, so you can't possibly fix what isn't broken. He's as damaged as I am. We are both doomed, with only hope that someday, we will both be free. We have our similarities. 

Maybe one day, I will be able to look him in the eye and I wont fear what will happen, what he thinks of me, what he plans to do. Maybe one day, his icy soul will melt.

 

Unfortunately for me, I shared a lot of classes with Tom. It was last lesson, English and the bell had just rung. I decided to hang back a bit and hopefully, by the time I left the classroom, he’d be gone. 

When I stepped out of the classroom, he appeared out of nowhere, scaring me half to death. 

“T-Tom...” I stuttered uncontrollably, I didn’t have the strength to fight him off today. Today was the day I'd finally put a stop to it.

“Y-yes?” he mocked nastily, standing back against the wall, his legs crossed at the ankles. His eyes seemed to glow with anger underneath the florescent lights above us.

I shook my head and pretended to ignore him as if he wasn’t there. I started walking...maybe I’d reach the double doors in time...maybe I could scurry down the stairs and be free of this school for another weekend. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” Tom snapped. I felt him trying to shove past me but I refused to let him block my way. 

“H-home...” I whispered. I wanted to go home. I wanted him to leave me alone. “Please Tom; I need to go home...”

Quickly, I shoved the double doors open and when I reached the middle of the landing, I stopped. I had had enough of his antics, I wanted my life back; I wanted to be free of him forever. I wouldn’t get that unless I stood up for myself.

“What is it with you, Tom?” I asked, tiredly. I was running out of energy to fight him. It needed to end.

“What?” he asked; surprised. I could tell in his eyes that he wasn't expecting that at all. He had hoped I'd be vulnerable and beg him for mercy. 

“Why do you do this to me? Is there something wrong with your own life that gives you the right to take it out on me?”

“My life has nothing to do with you, it is none of your damn business,” he shouted, balling his hands into fists, I hadn’t expected him to shout so loudly, he’d caught me off guard.

“Something’s wrong with you, Tom, do you need help?” I questioned, suddenly feeling confident, but I took a step backwards towards the stairs. He took a step closer.

“I don’t need a shrink! Nothing is wrong with me! I’m normal! You’re the one who has the problems! I mean, come on, have you seen yourself lately?” he growled through gritted teeth. 

For a moment, I felt wounded, but I forced the hurt away and carried on marching towards my utopia. 

“I’m not perfect, I know that, but I don’t take it out on others,” I said quietly, I took another nervous step backwards as he slowly began to approach me.

“Nothing is wrong with me,” Tom repeated, who was he trying to convince? “I’m fine, okay? I’m just...fine!”

I wasn't buying it. He wouldn't be a dick for no reason. Normally, I wouldn't question it, but now I wanted answers.

“Tom...you need help...” I muttered, barely audible. I was terrified that he would run at me with fists at the ready.  

“Stop saying that!” he bellowed; all the muscles tensed in his body. I felt all alone, no one was around to help me or save me if he left me here to bleed. 

I took another step backwards. The more space we had between us, the safer I was.

“I’m just...I’m just trying to help...even though you’ve done nothing for me,” I whispered, fear consuming me. 

“I don’t want your damn help! It’s my life!” Tom yelled.

My eyes widened as I realised he was aiming his fists at my face. I yelled. “Wait! S-stop! Please!” 

I stumbled backwards and screamed as I lost my footing and tumbled down the stair. I hit my head on the hard wall at the bottom. I was thrown into oblivion.   

I awoke to a beeping sound and when I opened my eyes, saw the monitor that was connected to me. Seeing myself in a hospital robe reminded me of the events. I had fallen down the stairs. Had I tripped? Was I pushed? Tom...

The pain...my head...

My eyes widened as I saw the cast on my arm. With my undamaged arm, I touched my head. Stitches ran across the side of my head and eyebrow.    

“Christie...” a voice said, a figure stood from the chair and looked at me cautiously. Tom.

I was about to scream as loud as I could when his hand clamped around my mouth. 

“Shh! Please let me explain!” Tom whispered urgently. He looked at me for a few moments to make sure I wouldn’t scream and then released me. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Christie,” he continued.

“Get out,” I said, barely, I was shaking again and terror and fear swamped my mind. 

“Please! You were right!” he begged. “...there’s something wrong with me.”

For some reason, I let him explain. Once he had finished talking, I was stunned into silence.

“I know that what I am is not your fault,” Tom muttered, and it was the first time I’d ever seen him ashamed. “Please...help me...I beg you.”

Why would I help him after all he’d done to me? I’d help him because I was a good person and no matter what he did to me, he needs help. 

“Please Christie, help me. I don’t know what to do, my parents don’t know and I’m so alone. I’m trapped and I can’t break free. Please help me,” he continued, and I was even more stunned when I saw tears in his eyes. At first I thought it was weird that he was a girl trapped in the wrong body, but how could I judge him? I’m just as different as he is. 

“Tom...I’m not a doctor, I don’t know what to do,” I shook my head. It was then that I forgot all the horrible things he’d done to me, all the nasty names he’d called me. 

“I know...and I’m so sorry for what I did to you, Christie, I just...I just need a friend. I have no one.”

Suddenly, I felt like we were so similar, I also had no one. Maybe it was time to forget and move forward. I could never be a friend like he wanted, not after what he had done, but I could help him. If I help him, he’d be on the right path to happiness, and then, I could be free. 

I nodded and Tom sighed, slouched back in the chair and told me how grateful and thankful he was over and over again.

I leaned back and smiled. My utopia was in sight.  

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