Arran's Law

Chanelle's boyfriend Arran is accused of murder, and she goes on a one woman mission to clear his name.

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17. The Test - Chanelle

My hands are shaking as I ready the test.

 

I put down the test with unnecassary care, and clench my fists. Come on, Chanelle. Get it together, woman. I pick up the glass of water I brought with me from the kitchen, and try to take a sip. My hand is still shaking, and the glass clinks off of my teeth.

 

Did Conor honestly think I would be able to sleep after he left? The only reason I slept last night was because I was so exhausted - and he was there. I think that last night was the first night that I slept for longer than a couple of hours ever since Arran... Ever since what happened. But now that Conor has gone, my insomnia has returned. I did try to sleep after he left, but it didn't work. Once again, I woke up after a nightmare about Arran. I already miss Conor. Does he really have a friend who might know something? I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but it's hard, it's so hard. And since I'm alone, now is the best time to do this.

 

I feel so damn alone. I used to think that I was better alone. All I expected from other people was for them to hurt me, and that there was no point in trying as I would only end up hurt. So I locked my heart away, and never let anybody touch it. But then I saw Arran Mackenzie for the first time when we were both still in school. And yet, I continued to tell myself that if I had a chance with him, which I didn't, then he would only hurt me the way everyone else had. And then I found him on the street, took him into my home. I honestly thought that he was going to be different - that he would be the one person who would never hurt me. I still do, but now everything is so fucked up. Now, I would do anything to have him here, with me now.

 

My hand shakes like I'm being electrocuted as I finally bring the two parts of the test together. I turn away from it, shaking hand half covering my eyes. I know that if I watch it until the result shows, I'll go crazy. I still don't see why I'm doing this.

 

Just because I am over two weeks 'late', doesn't mean that I am pregnant.

 

It could be stress from everything that's happened. Yeah, I bet that's what it is. It's just stress. I can't be pregnant. I can't be. I'm probably making a big fuss about nothing. I'm sure that it's nothing.

 

But if I'm so sure, then why am I doing this test?

 

Just for peace of mind, right? I'm just doing this to shut the little voice in the back of my head up. I mean, I know I can't be pregnant. Arran's always wanted children, and so have I, but not now. Not until I had my life sorted out. Not until we were older, and not until we had gotten out of this shithole. Not now. Not now when Arran is in prison for something he didn't do. Oh God, please, please not now. Sometime in the future, but not now.

 

I glance at my watch. That's it. Time's up. The results are ready. I uncover my eyes. I take a deep breath, and turn back to the test.

 

My eyes are so full of tears that I have to blink several times before I can even see the test. But when it comes into focus...

 

It's blue. A deep, ocean blue that cannot be confused with any other colour. It's official. I am pregnant with Arran's child.

 

The next thing I know, I am lying on the floor, my cheek pressed against the cold floor of the bathroom. Oh God, no... I close my eyes, and start praying. Please let me open my eyes and that test won't be blue, it'll be any other colour, and I won't be pregnant.

 

But when I open my eyes, and look up, the test is still blue.

 

So I guess that's it then. No matter what happens, Arran's child is growing inside me. There is a little person growing in my womb - half me, and half Arran. Love suddenly shoots through me, the strongest love I've ever felt, and I know that I will do anything for this child. It's unconditional love. The love that I feel for Arran. The love that my mother should have had for me. I put a hand to my belly.

"Oh, kid. You've already inherited your mother's sense of bad timing."

But no matter what else my baby has inherited from me, they are now a main player in fate's game. They are going to change everything. But no matter what happens, this child is mine and Arran's, even though I have no idea how my child's father will react when I tell him. I now have yet another reason to fight for Arran - he is the father of my child.

 

Tears are trickling down my cheeks, but at the same time a smile spreads across my face. I'm so so happy, but I'm dying inside at the same time. I'm carrying Arran's child, but Arran is in prison for a crime he didn't commit. I curl up, protecting my belly from every angle.

 

God, if you're out there, you have a strange sense of humour.

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