"Okydoky... let's stalk people's Facebook who have 1000's of friends that consist of weirdos..." I murmured to me and my friend Jaye, who giggled as she sat on my shoulders, peering over at the computer screen.
"Ew, do we have to stalk my ex boyfriend?" She shuddered. "I'm only interested if his girlfriend is mean, evil, sweaty and... well you get the message."
"Fine." I closed the laptop down, and massaged my temples. "Damn, I shouldn't have bought a micro-pig."
"Didn't I tell you?" I asked.
"Oh. Well, I bought a micro-pig. Before you say ANYTHING!" I pressed a finger to her lips and bared my teeth at her, which I hoped looked threatening, "I only bought it because he was about to be butchered. I mean, think about it Jaye. A poor innocent, little pig, about to be turned into a McDonald's breakfast-bun's bacon. You'd do the same!" I said in my defence.
"You could have bought something cute and fluffy... like a little puppy! A PIG. Lola. A PIG. A smelly pig."
I sighed despairingly and attempted to do the diva click thingymibob. You know, that thing where you click your fingers down someone and say 'Don't go there sister!" I like to think I looked and sounded very hip.
"Lola, never do that again. That's just embarrassing."
"Muahhahaaa!" I laughed evilly. "I shall embarrass you in front of Ja-a-akeee!" I taunted. Me and her were going down to the shopping centre later on and I was going to meet Jaye's new boyfriend Jake. To be fair, he was pretty hot. Very very hot...
"Lola? Your sweating!"
I fanned myself with my hand, hoping she couldn't read my mind, becoming instantly paranoid. I was aware of my face contorting into a constipated mess, as I tried to think of nothing. What if she was psychic? What if she knew I was having these thoughts about her boyfriend? I would be banished from the world of friendship. I would be frowned upon like a dog peeing on a public lamppost.
So yeah. Pretty much a normal start to the day.
"Lola? You ready?" Jaye called from the bottom of the stairs.
"ALMOST! God Jaye you're so paranoid! We're about 20 minutes early!"
"Jaye. Don't ignore me."
"Jaye hello, you deaf-"
"Lola..." Jaye called, her voice shaking slightly as she edged up the stairs, her eyes scanning a letter in her hands. She dumped the envelope on the floor, in which Snort, the micro-pig (so original, me) ran over and took into his enclosure.
"What is it?" I asked, quickly rubbing in my foundation. It would be a dentist appointment about my braces. Greaatttt.
"Well....did you apply to be a royal Princess in Russia?"