unglamorous non-humans

Short chapters
each one with a few things I think you should know about ghouls and goblins


2. oh mummy

Man those guys really spend money on dry cleaning. what with all the rag dragging  and all.

Anyway, the one I met was a stand up comedian. His whole gig revolved around the up and downsides of living thousands of years, being incredibly rich but also incredibly old and of course being covered in rags.


The man drank like an Irish sailor as well,and dribbled all over himself (mostly for show) . he claimed no one would notice  he was drunk becaiuse mummies are expected to stumble around, have a vacant look and not enunciate very well. But honestly the alcohol soaked rags seemed a bit of a fire hazard so I kept my distance.


Top reasons to be a mummy.

- You never have to worry about what to wear

- If you are going to be wrapped up in anything, egyptian cotton is about the most comfy material you could be wrapped in.

- You have a lot of money

- you can curse people


Top mummy complaints

 - Skinny bandages really show your extra pounds

- Cant use make up

- Changing bandages takes a long time, no opportunity for in the head of the moment removing of clothes either.

- The increase in vampire numbers is driving up the cost of buying a new coffin or sarcophagus




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