Today will end in tears.

Today is the cruellest day of the year. Today things will be worse than usual. Today will end in tears.

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3. Looking into the past

 

 

After a while I pass out, but while I do I dream, dream of how it all started. At the beginning of high school I had been happy, excited even. The prospect of a new school, new teachers and new friends thrilled me, and I had done well to begin with. I was never the most popular but I had a good group of friends, we used to go shopping and go to the movies, all the things that normal teenage girls do. But then, one night I had woken in a sweat, I could hear shouting and crashing. I crept out of bed, still hazy with sleep, just in time to watch my mother grab her suitcase and leave. Last I heard of her she was living somewhere sunny, but she didn’t tell me that herself.

 

Dad tried to make it work, but in a town as small as ours everyone knew mother had left us, and I think that drove him slightly mad. He moved us to a city, from my friends, and my school and everything I loved.  We lived in a crumbling flat for a while, but he started drinking more and then he lost his job. I tried to find work, but nobody will hire a fourteen year old who doesn’t even have an address. After a month of sleeping in doorways the police found me, I was sent to a foster home where, if you’re old enough to look after yourself, they pay you no attention.

 

That’s how I ended up in this school, surrounded by girls who are spitting at me and kicking me, they took one look at me on that first day, and my fate was sealed. I was wearing second-hand, threadbare uniform, I have short, black hair and I’m as pale as death. Perhaps if I had made more of an effort, maybe if I had stole some makeup from someone at the home and smiled a bit, things would have worked out. But I didn’t, I never smiled and they decided they didn’t like me. 

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